Cannot get him to leave

Hi there

I've read pretty much all of the thread but am not sure if anyone has suggested that you have a look at this:

england.shelter.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/23393/ShelterGuide_RelationshipBreakdown.pdf

It looks like it may have some useful information, and might be worth a read.

Also, again, I don't think anyone has suggested this, as he's the one working full time, and has done work on the house that he wants paying for, why doesn't he buy the place off of you? Just a thought, but it would give you the opportunity to leave him, get your money back, and then you can go back to where you came from if you wish.

Whatever you do, I do hope that you manage to get rid of him soon, as no one wants to live their life walking on eggshells.

Goodluck, and please keep us informed as to the advice you get from C.A.B.

You need to determine whether he has tenant rights. In some jurisdictions, if he's lived there for a certain amount of time, you can't just toss him out. I agree that a solicitor would be your best bet.

Sadly, because you were partners but weren't married, there may be some issues.

Once, a very long time ago, I was in the same situation … won't bore you with the details. I tolerated everything until, one day, I couldn't. So, when my partner was out, I packed … for him. His clothes, his books, any personal bit and pieces, his papers … basically, every single thing that belonged to him. Then, I put everything in the hall.
He bellowed, he cried, he ranted and he raved, but I stood firm. Eventually, after about twelve hours of drama, that was it. End of. Gone!

I don't know what your issues with your partner are, but if it is possibly domestic abuse/coercive control, Women's Aid can advise you.

Jillybird, have you contacted Social Services about your situation? If the dementia progresses he may well need residential care.

Put nothing in writing, including.email or texts. Do nothing without legal advice & pay for it if it'll get you this more quickly. It's an investment & will save you much future expense, trouble & grief to know exactly what your rights are. Also it might help for your solicitor to act for you by writing to him formally to say he must leave, if he is in denial and won't listen to you. Good Luck!

OP - I have not read through all these pages so do not know if it has been suggested for you to look at facebook groups for ''legal advice'' in UK - I joined one for France and found it good and there is even a Notaire on it who gives his opinion free - that is if you can stand any more advice!!.

Just change locks and leave his stuff and tell him to invoice. I don’t think people are deliberately being unkind to you, just a bit frustrated that you’re being so nice to this unwanted lodger.

It’s your house so wait till you know his going out pack up his stuff leave it outside and change the locks, job done you don’t have to live in misery.

I cannot stress this enough, please do not put anything in writing about money for improvements which could weaken your case far more than changing the locks. Any suggestion of intent will open up a minefield for the solicitors to make money. Incidentally, he would find it almost impossible to get legal aid for an action against you and anything he won would have to go towards paying it off unless he was awarded costs. He is blindsiding you with fear of what he might do. Do not let him because it will make you weak. He knows you well and that works in your favour. Act strong and with determination which will catch him off guard. Keep repeating to yourself that he has no legal rights to residency and you do not have to suffer his parallel universe unless you choose to. Good luck.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Also "on the condition that he was doing work in the house"!!
I had to answer the door then do something about a parcel so when I returned I only re-read the last part of my message! I thought I had checked the top bit! So sorry!

HA! written bill with receipts - no recipes! Sorry!

Nickysmadhouse
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. As he is earning he could easily pay for another place for him to stay at so I do not see any need for him to be made homeless unless he does it deliberately.

As so many have said, I can add no more than:

1. Get Legal advice.
2. keep a written record of all communication between you concerning the matter of his leaving. Also record anything he says or does that upsets you or pertains to his leaving.
3. Give him notice to leave in writing.

If he is demanding recompense for work done in the house he must present a written bill with recipes for any purchases. Tell him this in writing. When you receive it, consult you Solicitor. You then may contest his evaluation and write a similar draft listing the rent that you would have charged but conceded to ask him to pay on the condition that he was doing in the house. It would leave him owing money o you.

Good luck. Get started straight away. Don't feel sorry for him or be blackmailed. He is perfectly capable of finding alternative premises. Stick to your aims and do not get involved in any discussions with him concerning his excuses for not leaving. Should he keep on at you about it have a stock answer "You can tell my Solicitor" or "Put it in writing, it does not change that I have given you notice to leave." And repeat the same stock answer every time until he gets the message that he will get no pleasure out of drawing you into a row. He is trying to bully you and upset you. Do not let him. Leave the room if necessary. Avoid any interaction as far as you are able. Your Solicitor will advise.
Wishing you the best of luck and that all this is resolved very soon!

I think the first step is legal advice. I am not sure of you rights or his but a solicitor or Citizens Advice ( who are wonderful in such matters) may be able to help. You can sometimes get a free 'half hour' from a solicitor who have legal clinics. Hope you can resolve this, what must be, a very distressing situation.

wait till hes out change the locks, obviously go to citizens advice and see what you can do legally,

I agree with trisher about solicitors. They can make a mountain out of a molehill. The police are very helpful with evictions, including explaining things to the reluctant leaver.

I'm not personal by the way just fair. If he's improved your house and paid the bills he needs something out of it.

I do think you should beware of solicitors or simply remember that the advice they give is what you can do and that they make their money by sometimes encouraging you to venture further into legal action which can end up costing you more than you ever believe. By all means take a half hour free if you can get it but the best way out of this is for you to pay something. You have a house you can borrow on if you haven't the readies why not just act and get rid?

sussexborn thank you, such a kind post ? x

All the best. Do hope you get helpful advice.

I absolutely dont want to go through the courts! My nerves and pension wouldnt stand it!
I have offered varying amounts but its like he’s living in another parallel ?

My friend was told by her solicitor that she should NOT change the locks though it was very tempting. Making him effectively homeless would put her in the wrong apparently and weaken her case.

It sounds as if he knew exactly what he was doing suggesting you stay at home whilst he effectively became the breadwinner! He probably knows where he stands legally and you need to get legal advice before doing anything. Knowledge is power!

Ignore the unkind posts from the small minority! It’s not personal as the same posters are harsh 99% of the time. Very hurtful when you are struggling and have had your self confidence shattered. Focus on the positive contributions.
Tell yourself that one day soon, hopefully, it will just be a bad memory and a big learning curve!

Try and make a diary type record of events to save complicated explanations during your 30 minutes! Half an hour to explain a nine year relationship isn’t very long! Solicitors around here usually have boards up advertising the half hour free if they offer it. Hope your solicitor proves to be a good one. If not ask around for recommendations locally or in your previous home town.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on!

This happened to me. I ended up paying him £6,000. It was that or the Courts. He would (back then) have got legal aid. So I paid up and got rid of him. I would urge you NEVER to get involved in a court case. Years previously we were involved in a dispute over a lease where there was no question at all that we were in the right. However, it ended up costing thousands in fees not to mention the stress. I'd make him an offer and, however annoying that is, you'll have peace of mind once he's gone.

Nothing has been legally drawn up, ie Tenants in common or declaration of trust, i do want him to have some payment because i feel that way he can never make any come backs! Fingers crossed it gets sorted asap, I originally said by Christmas but deaf ears and all that.
Thanks guys x