Help refused

Would she agree to you paying for an item she needs for their new home. Maybe a microwave or a TV? or something else they need.

Speak to her mum, and ask if there is anything she knows she wants.

With internet these days, you can order online, and have it sent to their address.

Speak to her mum first tho.

I don’t know if the amount offered is large, or small. I do feel that, as she has refused the offer, that should be the end of it. You can put it aside, and tell her it is there, if she needs it. I wouldn’t press her to take household items instead. Neither would I sneak it in by the back door by giving it to her as a birthday gift. I imagine that she would be cross about it, after saying ‘no’ to the offer.
Just accept the fact that they are happy to pay their own way, and be proud of her independent spirit.

My daughter is thankfully settled in her own house.... my son though has always been in low paid work .... but had never been out of a job. He works hard...but because his rent is half his take home pay , he struggles ! I think sometimes even to eat a proper meal! I always was giving him the odd £20 or £40 ....just pressing it on him really ...I never expected it returned. When he got to the age of 30, he refused point-blank to take any money from me...saying he was a man and that he was drawing the line , and wouldn’t accept anymore only Xmas and birthdays. So I make sure I’m very generous on those days.... of course it means I also have to be over-generous to my daughter! It shows a sign of good upbringing when they can make this decision on their own...you should feel proud for of your granddaughter .... you’ll be there if she needs you, and she knows that !

As the cash has been refused may I suggest naming a specific item as others have suggested, as a 'housewarming' gift. E.g. a fridge/freezer, washing machine, dinning set, lawnmower, food processor/mixer, microwave etc. The important thing would be that they choose exactly what they want - no strings attached. My parents bought me items but they always had to choose and I was never allowed to forget it! A terrible shame because they went OTT (even though I begged them not to) and I just felt guilty. If they still say no, hang onto your brass because there may well come a time when a boiler goes kapput or rewiring is needed or a loft ladder & boarding installing and you can contribute. Perhaps your daughter is worried her husband might blow a sum of money on something frivolous???

I think this is about her self respect. She is rightly proud of what she has achieved and it will mean a lot to her if you tell her how proud you are of her.

I would put the money away for now and say no more about it.
If you try to push it, even a little bit, you may push her away.

Make it an Easter present, that way it's not a donation with what she perhaps imagines are strings attached to it. Get a nice Easter-y box, or other container, so it won't be in a formal envelope.

My Granny gave my sister 'get out money' ??? in case it didn't work out. She didnt give me any ad she liked my husband ?

Just say you would like to get her a housewarming gift and ask if she has a wishlist (maybe make a joke about giving her something she will like rather than Grans hideous taste!!)

When giving help to younger generation when I think it's about to be refused, I present them with cash as I'm about to leave

You kindly offered help, she said no thank you.

Why are you so obsessed on giving "help" that is not wanted? Why do you want to impose yourself in others so much?

She said no. Drop it.

Impose yourself on others, not in others

Perhaps just asked if you can buy a small housewarming gift. And also give her extra money for Christmas and birthday. I have a16yr old gd, who doesn't like me spending money on her. I think it's because she thinks I can't afford it. But I keep saying if I couldn't afford it I wouldn't buy it.

Ditto Hithere. You can always say it’s there if she ever wants to treat herself. Nice of you to offer though.

watermeadow - there may be a very good reason why your GG does not want money to be invested in her joint property with her long term boyfriend. If this is a joint purchase, then perhaps she wants all inputs to be jointly equal and one never knows what the future holds so allow her to deal with those house finances herself. However, on her birthday you can either give her the money and make it clear that it's for her, or give her something smaller and an IOU for when she needs it.

Regular general chat as to her next/eventual desired purchase. Be sure you have the exact colour/make/model of whatever then go ahead and have it delivered to her. This takes very casual, sometimes lengthy chat without being obvious. Can have the most wonderful results.

Can I just say, my MIL gave us some money in the past. Once she helped us to buy a car and she would say now and again ‘ well I helped you buy that car, didn’t I’ , I can’t tell you how it made us feel every time she said it. We repaid her the money as soon as we could because it annoyed us so much and learned a valuable lesson at the same time.
Maybe your DGD is just wanting to stand on her own two feet, which is a good thing x.

My grandfather said to me: my Gramp did as much as he could for me, now it's my turn, and one day it will be your turn to know that pleasure. When I give extra gifts, I say" this is from Pops and Gramp and I'm passing it on".

You could put it in an account for her, or as like some have said ,give it her for Christmas or ask if there's anything she would like as a housewarming gift

How lovely Nannarose

She knows you love her...that is beyond value. As far as the gift....give her the right to fail....she may just succeed beyond what you imagine.

I would respect her wishes but tell her you will put the money aside for her if she does need something.

My children, when their stingy Grandfather asked them if they were alright for money, politely said “yes”. So he didn’t give them anything.
I always work on the premise that my children are being polite in refusing, when I offer money. So I have their bank details, and I just transfer cash into it. No one has ever sent it back as yet.
The trick is never to mention it again, as once the money has left your purse...it was given not on eleastic. My stingy Father expected us to thank him over and over. He never let go of his money.