Son looking for money.

My concern is you say loan it to.him. It's not an enforceable loan if it's not done legally without paper work. If you require that money back then realise it could cause I'll feeling and even estrangement. Needs careful thought. Maybe buy a rental.between you and receive an income from it under the proviso that he inherits it when you die. Think carefully.

All good advice given

Care home query. Hi looks like we're coming to a point where fil is needing a care home. His wife however will remain in the home we know as long as she remains there they can't touch the house but she has always said she wants to move to somewhere smaller if he went into care. When their home sells it looks like they get 1/2 the profit each but it also says fil would be able to use some of his share to put towards her new property to help out, has anyone been in this situation and know actually how much they can give/help out. Thankyou in advance ?

Keep it fair and simple. Whatever you gave to other son for wedding give him the same and be done with it.
Tell him no more as need it for old age plus possible residential/care at home etc.

I would say IF you can afford it and only IF then it is fair only to give him the same amount as you gave to your son when he was married. But be sure you can survive without it. If he is asking for more than that then refuse on the grounds that you have no work pension.

I would advise you to get proper financial advice.
Understandably you have given no details of the amount of money you are talking about, or how you would be left financially if you did give it away.

You need to speak to an independent person who would look at your finances, income, outgoings etc and then they would advise you accordingly.

There are a few points you make in your post that leave me with more questions than answers, but I presume they are things you would have given consideration to yourself.

How long ago did your other son marry, and get financial help from you? How much did you give him? How much difference would there be between the gift you gave one son to the amount being requested/demanded by the other son for an 'investment property? Does he resent his brother for having had financial help? Could this potential resentment be long-term?

Why is he helping with your money? Does the other son also help with your finances? Does he 'help' or does he have any sort of control, like Power of Attorney etc? Could he just 'take' the money if he chose to do so? (This would certainly worry me)

Can you afford to give him money? Loan him money? Invest? If this is money set aside for your retirement you might need to say no and explain IF there is any left after you die he and his brother can do as they wish with their inheritance. Is it just the 2 brothers or are there other siblings. or others that might inherit?

Why do you feel you can't refuse him? Is he emotionally blackmailing you, or threatening, intimidating etc?

If the son you gave a gift to is better with money, or needed it more that would be understandable. Is the son trying to get you to fund him having an investment property good with his own money? Do his own finance give you concern? Has he ever betrayed your trust or used your money inappropriately before? Do you trust him? Would he be prepared to give you a large share/percentage of any investment property rent/sale?

Usually investments or investment properties are something people who have money or save money for have. If your son clearly doesn't have his own money why should he have yours to invest? If you wanted to buy a property or invest the money you have I'm guessing you would have done so. With the limited information you have given I'd lean more towards saying no to him. You may need this money for yourself. If he hasn't saved his own money to invest I'm not sure I'd trust him managing my finances - are you sure he 'helps' you and not himself with yours? If you have any doubts you need to ensure he is not the sole control of your money. If you do decide to help him maybe draw up proper legal paperwork protecting your assets, making it clear what you expect, what is a gift compared to a loan or in lieu of inheritance. Maybe you need to specify that if you need the money for care or just living expenses at a later date he has to give you what you need, even if that meant selling the investment or giving you all the income from it. It doesn't sound like this is his intention - it sounds like he wants to use your money to give himself, and only himself, an income. Does he work? Have an income? Have the ability to save so that in the future he can fund his own investments? If he hasn't been good with making decisions like saving his own money, how can you trust him to make a sound investment? Would I be wrong to suspect he is looking for an easy way to make a living, to get an income, using someone else's money - YOURS?

Just to play devil's advocate here...what if he invested badly. What if he squandered the money, gambled it, went on a spending spree instead? What if he did buy a property and later found it needed more money spent on it than it would be worth? What if he got an investment property as a renovation project then mis-managed the renovation, or spent more than the ceiling price for properties in the area? There are so many risks involved that, for the most part, people risk THEIR OWN money and not that of other investors...only very rich people have others manage their investments, usually a portfolio or something.

If you cannot afford to potentially lose this money, if you have doubts and/or concerns (and your post suggests you do) then the answer has to be NO. Calmly explain to him that you need the money and he will have to wait to see if there will be any inheritance money. In the meantime he needs to pay his own way in life, save for any investments he wishes to make etc. You need to look out for yourself first. If you have a huge lottery win or something you could reconsider. Please don't be bullied, cajoled, intimidated or threatened into parting with your savings. Good luck

www.wearehourglass.org/

this is a link to action on elder abuse, now known as hourglass.
they can also advise on financial abuse.
situations are often delicate, which the abuser preys upon.

Please dont be emotionaly blackmailed into handing over your money. I have a feeling it will not be the end of it. I fear there will always be something else requiring your money. If its for an 'investment' then does he intend renting it out? You see so many landlords getting into terrible pickles because they have rented to bad tenants and end up needing to spend thousands and bringing the property back up to scratch, many have to sell their properties because they cant afford the losses. I know because a family member found herself in this situation. If he wishes to include you as part owner of this property you could end up having to pay out all sorts of insurance, fees, tradesmen, etc. Others have named where to go to for good free advice. Whatever you do put it in writing. And refuse to be pushed into something that little voice in your head is saying "no" to. Take yourself on a cruise.

You have to treat all the children equally so give it to him if you can afford it, make it clear that there may be tax to pay if you die within 7 yrs .
Always give it without strings, paying back loans within the family causes a lot of trouble

When my husband and I got married, my Uncle gave us two pieces of advice:
1. Keep your heating on all the time in the winter.
2. NEVER mix money/ business with family/ friends. When it comes to your children....either give it to them, or don’t.
We’ve always applied that principle. Our children know we’ll help them if they need it, and we won’t ask for it back. I think this makes them appreciate it, and not rush to ask, but rather, try to sort it themselves first.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bit of a mixed comment this.
We have a son and daughter, when my son got married we gave him an amount of money and our daughter an equal amount at the same time.
I would never think of giving one without the other. Is this where this is coming from he may think it was unfair.
Going off subject
My husband had a similar thing happen, his parents told him they were making their will in favour of his sister because we had a property and they didn't.
The reality was our home was on mortgage which we had saved long and hard for to get the deposit.
His sister and hubby who was in the RAF had a rental property. When he left the RAF some years later they bought a property for cash, we were still paying our mortgage.
If you don't have the money to support yourself into old age you need the money for yourself.
It's alright saying buy into his idea, the idea might not pay off and where do you stand then.
I am assuming your son is an adult it's his responsibility to support himself and go into risky ventures if he wants, but I think he's a nerve asking you for money.
All thru University my son and daughter never asked for a penny from us, they both worked two jobs.
If he needs money tell him to get a second job.
You are obviously concerned about this, if you have doubts don't.
Would he come to support you if you were unable to work, only you know your son.

I would try to help my child if they really needed something. But buying a rental property doesn't sound (to me) like need....?

Since this thread is four months old, I’d imagine Kircubbin has come to a decision!

kircubbin2000

My son has helped me look after my money so he knows I have still cash from an inheritance. However I don't have a work pension so don't have more coming in. He knows I gave other son help when he got married so now he has asked for quite a large sum to buy a rental as an investment.I feel I can't refuse but worry about the future.

I have one of these. When I moved house I gave all my children a sizeable amount of money. The others have all put that to good use by not my eldest son. With the bulk of his inheritance from me squandered he knows, as does your son, that I have a savings account. I live on a pension like you and although I have to dip into my savings now and then I don't want to fritter it away on his constant demands. He is thinking along the lines that you helped his brother, so now it's his turn. If helping him leaves you in dire straits, don't do it.

I would be wary of giving the full amount requested and then feeling that you “owe” more to the other child/children to balance up your giving. So, if I could afford it, I would consider giving the same amount to this son as was given to your other son previously. However, if this child ever decides to marry, any wedding gift would be small, given that he would already have had this financial gift. He could use this gift to help in his investment scheme. I do not think you should be fully funding his investment. That wouldn’t be fair on you and it wouldn’t be fair on your other child/children.