Advice and thoughts please

3 equal ways.

I think the two siblings would possibly feel agrieved in not getting an equal share to the one other. The fairest way is to give an equal share to all three then none of them can complain. You've been together long enough to be one family and only fair they all get the same.

Mutual wills do not prevent challenges to estates!

If the present Will was made many years ago you need to get it updated and put some provision in the updated Will that if either one of you die before the other that you will stay in your home until you die and that the remaining person will split what money is left equally amongst your Children of both Families. If one of your Children should die before either yourself or husband then their remaining portion should go to the grandchildren of your deceased child. Solicitors will advised to keep your Will in the bloodline.

From the OP it appears they have Mutual Wills

What is the effect of a mutual Will?
If one testator dies, and the deceased testator had not revoked or altered his Will then the surviving testator will be bound by the mutual Will. They will hold the property and assets of the deceased person “in trust”. If they try to revoke or alter their own Will, they would be committing fraud and a Court would be unlikely to grant permission for the change to be made.

Wills can be contested?
Mirror wills can be contested!
How is the property drawn up? I.e. joint tenants or tenants in common?
If joint tenants on death of one it passes to the other, they can then choose to do anything.
This too can be contested!
If tenants in common you will your share 50/50, 70/30, you can choose any split. The remaining spouse lives there until they die, both your wishes then get carried out.
It too could be contested but shows your intentions when you drew it up that way, so is usually more secure.
Communication is the key, talk to your husband, come to an agreement then tell your children preferably all at the same time. They then can't say they were told anything different to each other!

Split equally three ways. When my mum died (she had very little money and no property) it should have been split two ways between my brother and I. Having said that mum brought up my brothers child ie my nephew who really looked after his gran as we both lived away. We split money 3 ways - my children received nothing which I was completely happy with.

It’s been over 30 years, so I think split 3 ways is now fair.

When one of you dies the other can change the
will and leave only to their child/ children leaving the others out.,

I too think half and half is fairer if you came into this marriage with assets from divorces.

I would support split 3 ways

Leave it all to Cats Protection!

In law, even if both spouses die in the same accident or similar event the younger of the two is presumed to have outlived the elder, so dying together won't solve any problems.

Never mind the legal side of things.

Do you regard and love his child like your own and does he love your children as his own?

If the answer is yes to both questions leave your property to be divided equally between the three children. If not, leave it as your will stands today.

Whatever you decide, I think you should tell the three "children" the terms of your will now, so there are no hurtful surprises later when they cannot ask for your reasoning.

The way I see it is that at the moment half of the estate is your husbands and half is yours and how it is then divided between both sets of offspring directly relates to that. So your half goes to your heirs and his half goes to his.

If you want to change this you will need dh to agree. After 30 years it is probably high time you reviewed your wills anyway.

First of all I would say that it is up to you as to how your estate is divided but quite honestly, you need to have a discussion with your husband - I can't really understand how a will that was made 30 years ago can still be classed as valid - what would have happened if you were no longer speaking to one of the family members?
Seek legal advice before much further.

If there are mirror wills with no other bequests then the survivor can do as they wish.
If as in this case a share of the estate is given to specific beneficiaries the surviving partner should respect the wishes of the first will. The intended beneficiary in the first will could challenge the second will, bereavement is a very stressful time for families don’t make it worse.

I have a similar but slightly different problem, so I will start my own thread.

May be totally inconsequential as can be changed. Unlikely you will both die at exactly the same time though not impossible. If property etc is left to surviving spouse they will have the whole amount to do with what they want. The survivor will then have to make decision on what happens. Loads of options on what may be in a Will, eg you may be allowed to live in house but on your death DHs half goes to his child. After 30 years though would say should be equal shares for the two sets of offspring.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

As our children are grownup and well established, we discussed with them that we should leave inheritance to their children. This is written in our wills

I'd opt for the division of assets to be between the three children. But it's not about what other people think; remember that this should be your decision. A Will is about the wishes of the person writing it. It's my understanding that in the UK, other than rules ensuring the financial security of bereaved spouses, young children, and (in certain special cases) "dependent" adult children, you can divide up your assets exactly as you choose to. So do what you want to do!

Princesspickles - you can do this as this is what my mother-in-law and father-in-law did. There is a sort-of (for want of better words), "charge" held on the estate which is overseen by a family friend and a finance person. If my mother-in-law needs to use it during her lifetime she can draw on it, but she does so in proportion to the amount that comes from "her" part. So, for example, she takes one third of the cost of a new roof from "her" part and two thirds from "his" part, knowing that the house is still 2/3rds his.

I would definitely talk to someone about it.

My husband’s mother and her second husband made a joint will leaving their estate divided three ways between my husband and his two stepbrothers. They had married when all three were adults. My mother in law died first. It felt fair to me divided three ways rather than in two. That each son was shown they were equal in the eyes of each parent, whether step or not. There is always pain for children when marriages break up even if they are adults. The money by the end of your life is not that important. What is important are the relationships between people. That is the main thing; that you can feel that you were treated equally at the end and have not been grasping yourself; that you are not racked with ongoing jealousy or resentment or shame because you were favoured over others; that you are at emotional peace.

Its not about 'families', it's about 3 separate children. Split 3 ways. Can't imagine why 2 separate individuals are now being treated as if they were 1 entity.