Advice and thoughts please

Split equally three ways.

Oh, I think differently. I think that could cause a lot of resentment. Your family gets two thirds of what you own and his family gets one third?

That doesn't seem very fair to me.

Can I ask what happens when the first person dies. If the other spouse gets it all then anything can happen thereafter!

Hazeld - I'm a bit confused about the options without knowing how the property being left in the will was financed.

If you and your DH put in equal amounts, then both sets of children should be left equal amounts.

The same principle would apply if both of you contributed to the savings left over. If one set of children consists of two and the other of three then the set with three would receive less and you would need to think about that.

It may be a good idea to discuss this with all the children present once you have workd out the options and your preferred one.

What happened at the outset? Did you both get settlements from previous relationships? I think I would have given to my children then, perhaps into a bank account for them, and asked him to do the same. Since then, your money has been joint, so I’m inclined to think it should just be split down the middle. Half and half. As Illte says, what happens when one of you dies?

Split it 3 ways.

I agree with those who would split it half and half, it really would be better discussed with everyone or there may be resentments.

I think a three way split would be fairest, particularly since you've presumably all been a family for so long.
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This is a difficult one. We’ve often pondered over what would possibly happen when my mum dies. Been estranged for years. I don’t expect anything. My sister has been there for her, and although she’s reaped benefits from that, feel she should get inheritance, if there is any. It’s quite possible though, my mum could bypass me, and give something to my four children, but it should only be half. My sister’s two children should get the other half. Not quite the same I know, it similar thinking. I think you need to talk about with everyone. Who knows, you may both be so old when you die, you’ll have spent it all!?

If one part of a couple die, the mirror wills which they thought settled everything satisfactorily can become problematical. Often everything is left to the surviving spouse on the understanding that when he/she dies the remaining assets will be split in the ways in which the couple originally decided. Sadly this doesn't always work out. The surviving partner is perfectly entitled to make another will and I have heard of cases where the 'step' children have been totally disinherited. People think ...oh dear wife/husband would never do that ...but it happens. Also if the surviving spouse remarries their previous will is invalid. If he/she dies before 'getting round' to organising another will any assets will all go to the new partner and sadly the children get nothing. [This is different in Scotland] Wills which give more protection are expensive, but in the long run can save a whole heap of trouble and ensure that the children of whoever dies first are not cut out.

No mention of mirror wills

Unusual between married couples not to do this. If his will says his half goes to the children you just get the other half to do with as you wish.

If there is a mirror will not mentioned, you get control and could cut his son out completely. However if his son was expecting a half share he could challenge your will. I would suggest you leave the will as it is, trying to change it might cause all sorts of complications

A more suitable will would have given you a life interest in the house then split between the children

A colleague is in a similar situation and they have decided that as the children are all fairly established in life, any inheritance will be shared equally between their grandchildren.
This won't be life changing amounts by any stretch but could possibly help younger people starting out in life...that was their thinking.

Why not go and see a family law solicitor who specializes in wills--ideally one who comes recommended as talking common sense. She or he can explain your options and the outcomes of different arrangements. You need to look in particular at how you own your house as a previous post-er suggests.
I think the three way split is likely to result in a lot of ill feeling on the part of your husband's family and I'm sure your children would understand why an equal split between your respective families is the fairest outcome if you have contributed equally to your family assets.

Well my view is this quite simple and maybe it is a mirror.
You leave it all to each other and then divided by equally after that.
So that’s the end of both of you before anything occurs inheritance wise. Meanwhile coronvirus not withstanding please get out there and enjoy your own cash.......

Families don't receive inheritances. People receive inheritances.

My mother-in-law remarried when my husband was very young. At that point the assets she brought to the new family were half of the assets brought to the family by her new husband.

Even though they both worked throughout their long marriage they kept that split 1/3rd and 2/3ds and it's still true today, 55 years later.

It probably felt reasonable at the beginning and it still feels fair to me now as my husband has two step-siblings.. It might feel less fair if he only had one.

And yes, they had mirror wills.

That is indeed a difficult one.

The "kids" are all adults now. Have you spoken to them?
I would include their opinion in this and give them some time to think about it. It maybe that they all agree on one solution and you might not need to worry over this.

We have also faced this dilemma. We have 5 children 3 are mine 2 are my husbands. We have been together for 28 years. Our decision was to split what we leave 5 ways. We appointed one adult child each to act as executors and both have power of attorney. It does concern me that if I should die first that things could be changed in favour of my step children. I do trust my husband. I would love to know if there is a more secure option.

Y you’ve been together 30 years!!! You’re all family!! Split three ways

I believe the fairest is to apply how it is where I live. This depends on what the situation was when you married. Did you or he own something that went into the property you live in now, that percentage is theirs for their children, then the rest divided equally. If one who is left living has the right to stay in the property free but is divided on their death in the same proportions, even if they had a new partner.
Sorry if this means he originally paid for half the house.
What ever you chose spend the money on a will at a solicitor’s as soon as possible so there is no dispute.

I think if you share it equally three ways then it's less likely to cause problems, fair do's and all that. Then hopefully no-one will feel hard done by.

Its not about 'families', it's about 3 separate children. Split 3 ways. Can't imagine why 2 separate individuals are now being treated as if they were 1 entity.

My husband’s mother and her second husband made a joint will leaving their estate divided three ways between my husband and his two stepbrothers. They had married when all three were adults. My mother in law died first. It felt fair to me divided three ways rather than in two. That each son was shown they were equal in the eyes of each parent, whether step or not. There is always pain for children when marriages break up even if they are adults. The money by the end of your life is not that important. What is important are the relationships between people. That is the main thing; that you can feel that you were treated equally at the end and have not been grasping yourself; that you are not racked with ongoing jealousy or resentment or shame because you were favoured over others; that you are at emotional peace.

Princesspickles - you can do this as this is what my mother-in-law and father-in-law did. There is a sort-of (for want of better words), "charge" held on the estate which is overseen by a family friend and a finance person. If my mother-in-law needs to use it during her lifetime she can draw on it, but she does so in proportion to the amount that comes from "her" part. So, for example, she takes one third of the cost of a new roof from "her" part and two thirds from "his" part, knowing that the house is still 2/3rds his.

I would definitely talk to someone about it.