Advice and thoughts please

Fangs a lot! that's to the previous poster as to her insight into the world of vampires, not sure you'll find your captive audience on GN though, strangely have never come across any threads on the right or wrong way to sink one's gnashers into the unsuspecting victim's neck, but you never know we're living in strange times!

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This is very important. We saw a specialist family lawyer and it was amazing the numbers of complicated scenarios she thought up as we were making our wills. I would never have imagine, nor planned, for them. Please take care.

Hazeld - you should each leave your own children your half of the estate, so your children are entitled to 25% each of the total estate, and his child is entitled to 50%. You might not think that fair and the children might agree with you but unless you can remove the possibility of your children or his child receiving nothing at all, this is the way to protect them. Imagine the scenario where you slit by three, so that your two children end with 66% of the estate and his 33%, and then you die, your hubby might make another will and completely cut out your two children to enable everything to go to his child. Of course, the same can be said if he were to die first. It's easier to say that you know neither of you would disinherit the other's child/children but how do you know for sure?

depends. what did you own before you were married. did one person bring more into the marriage at that time? Was the house worth $50K at that time and now worth $1M? Was it his house or your house. 30 years is a long time. much is shared over 30 years. how is the title held to the house? Definitely talk to an Estate Attorney for advice.

Definitely a 3-way split.

I think half and half is fairer and would lead to less resentment

I think that legally, Wills (in the UK) aren't required to be "fair", other than that specific minimal amounts can be claimed by a surviving spouse and any "dependent" children, if they are left out.

I think it depends on the ages of the children when you got together. If your DH has been a father to your children and you a mother to your SD. So you have been a complete family then yes I think it should be split three ways but if they were older when you got together then it should be split in two

No matter how trusting you are wills can be changed by the surviving spouse, especially if there is a strong and not necessarily honest influencer giving advice.
Leave your gifts equally but make sure the will is cast iron. It’s heartbreaking and expensive to challenge.

‘ A friend, on the other hand, wants the inheritance split 50/50 as her husband has 5 sons and her only son would receive very little if it is split 6 ways.’

Understandable concern but if the estate is one that the couple have built up over many years &/or as the children have brought up, then an equal sharing between the siblings is fair.

If the joint estate is relatively new &/or one person brought considerably more in than the other, then a weighted distribution would be reasonable, e.g. distribution ratio reflecting the original contributions.

Always get expert legal advice & have the will professionally drafted. Always.

Definitely split 3 ways. You’ve been married long enough now for you and DH to have had joint input into your assets. Quite honestly I would never have even contemplated it any other way!

@Woodmouse49 - that sounds like a good plan to me.

After 30 years of marriage, family life & joint estate, there is more that unites than separates members of this family..

When both parents have died (with lifetime interest in place), a equal part to each of the adult children is fair.

A good solicitor will draw this up correctly. They may also ask what is to be done if one of the adult children dies, does their share of the inheritance go into a trust for their children ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I am in the same position I have 2 daughters and husband has 1 son. Ours will be split 3 ways.

My father re-married and his wife had 3 children and I am his only child. His wife died before him and when he died the inheritance was split 4 ways, which I was quite happy about.

A friend, on the other hand, wants the inheritance split 50/50 as her husband has 5 sons and her only son would receive very little if it is split 6 ways.

You are not alone in this and I think only you and your husband can decide and hopefully agree on the way forward

Do all the children know the current arrangement?

Discussing it with them now may lead to a fallout if 1 or 2 of them don’t agree to any change. Then what do you do?

I am child No. 3 of 4. Same parents. Mum died first then dad left all proceeds to 4th child because he was born a male and us 3 girls had husbands. ?

Sorry this is not the advice you are after but food for thought

We are the same. I have 2 grown up children and DH has 1. None of our own.

We have divided our joint estate equally between the two families because we have put more or less equal amounts into the home.

We have a Trust in the wills for the children to protect their inheritance. Our solicitor has also written in that the remaining spouse can stay in the house when the other dies.

Ours not ourselves ?

We are in a similar position , my husband has two and I have one and we have split ourselves three ways

Shandy is quite correct any will can be challenged, lawyers get rich that way. Hazel has not said what provision has been made for her, or indeed her husband so they could challenge the will.
So that is why it is wise to have a properly drawn up will that is not ambiguous, be clear who gets what, and if you are leaving anyone out say why.

There is no guaranteed fair split that would prevent risk of family rifts occurring in the future. If there was any pre marriage accumulated wealth from the separate parts of the family lines or birth father's/ mother's families, then it is arguable that there might be an expectation that it is to follow family lines. However often pre marriage inheritance gets mingled with matrimonial assets. Mirror wills are not any guarantee that the children/ grand children of the first deceased of a couple will get anything. Get some legal advice as it seems you may need to set up life interests for one another in the first deceased share, and trust deeds for sort out who is to get what after the remaining spouse dies. Once you have discussed what you want to do between yourselves, after taking legal advice, let the children know so that they know what arrangements you are making.

If there is a fair amount of wealth involved inheritance tax implications might also need consultation as well as possibility of care home bills diminishing the value.

If any adult children are likely to live at home and provide care to their own financial detriment, for example by not working full time, or unjust enrichment of non carer adult children occurs through less care home bills having to be met because one child did the caring, then this might also need addressing as part of 'fairness' considerations. It's certainly a complicated decision..

There’s no right or wrong, but personally if there are three children in the family (which there are) I would leave a third to each.

I remember my mother agonising over this. She was quite well off as she sold her large house in a desirable area, invested the money very wisely and lived off her pension. (In the days when that was possible!) Both my brother and sister, and their partners, had very large pensions, plenty of savings and no expenses. They didn't need any more, frankly. But when she asked me, (we were very close and I used to see her every day in her last years) I said: Split it equally between the three of us. Anything else would not have been right.