Partner using my house, not paying

He is a paying guest who does not pay. If he gets angry when you ask him to pay his rent as a lodger he is abusing your hospitality.

I'd give him an ultimatum of one day's duration and then put his stuff in rubble sacks outside. But |I am not you, and maybe he has a psychological hold over you.

To SJ23. My sister is in a worse predicament as her much younger partner wormed his way in uninvited 3 years ago and doesn’t pay a penny for anything. She wants him out but she is increasingly unwell (only for the past 3 years) and needs someone, plus she hates confrontation so even when well ‘ didn’t want to make him angry.’ He bullies her and I sometimes seriously wonder if he’s slowly poisoning her. Want to go and rescue her but she’s in the USA.
I know it’s easy to say, but BE STRONG SJ23 and stop being used.

So he is your partner for those that say it is not mentioned. I believe if a person lives with you for a certain amount of time they then have certain rights but it all depends on your situation with your partner. It has become known that a partner living together with the owner of the property has taken it to court and actually won even though they had no rights. So it is something you need to be careful of even if you finish with your partner.

I live with my partner and from the beginning I made it so that rent was paid every month so that way I was not being taken for a ride. So far after several years it has worked out OK and rent has always been paid. I keep a rent book which I believe can act as a legal thing if taken to court, but not 100% sure of this.

Owner occupiers who live together
Your home may be owned by just one of you, or you may own it jointly.

If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no rights to stay in the home if your partner asks you to leave. However, if you have children, you can ask the court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children. If you don't have children, you may be able to claim a beneficial interest in your home if you can show you contributed financially by, for example, paying for improvements or towards mortgage repayments. If you do have a beneficial interest in the home, you might be able to stop the other person from selling it. You will need to get legal advice about whether or not you have a beneficial interest.

If your relationship ends and there are children involved, the court has the power to order a transfer of the property as part of an overall settlement in order to secure accommodation for the children. This is usually done for a limited period, for example, until the younger child is 18 years old.

If your relationship has broken down, you should get advice from a legal adviser who specialises in the breakdown of relationships.

For more information about how to find a legal adviser, see Using a legal adviser. CAB perhaps

Depends how difficult this gets you will inevitably need a solicitor or CAB help if he finds he has a claim to your property.

Good Luck its never easy. Having been bitten more than once myself but did get things sorted amicably in the end. Its always best to talk to your partner first and don't threaten with any kind of court proceedings as it may antagonise until you have exhausted all avenues. Be calm and sit down and talk even if it means getting a close friend of both of yours to mediate.

You must consult a solicitor if this is really worrying you.

Do either of you have children who might inherit from you/him?

I agree with what others have said, you need to somehow establish his status as that of lodger rather than partner sharing a house.
The idea of having money paid into your bank account marked as "Rent" sounds good and if it is under the limit for tax (which used to be around £84 per week) it shouldn't cause any problems with HMRC.
We helped my son buy a flat when he left home and he had various girlfriends living with him over the years but we made sure that they signed a simple document drawn up by our lawyer to say that they accepted that they had no legal entitlement to a share in the house. One of them kicked off when she left him and said that she felt she was entitled to a share as she had (occasionally) helped with living expenses. We reminded her about the document she'd signed and she backed off sharpish.
A solicitor (your own or via CAB) should be your next move.

One question that your post raised in my mind was why should you be worried about this problem? If you and your partner are in a real relationship then you should not really mind if you share the house. Perhaps he could legally buy a share? You could set it up (registered with the Land Registry) so that he owns a very small part of the house and would be entitled to no more than "his" percentage if you were to split up. Then he could officially pay bills without any problem.

I had this situation when I first me my DH . And then he started doing lots of work, putting in kitchens etc. He was completely commitment phobic and at the start I was ok with that but as time moved on I wasn’t for the very reasons you outline. He had money in the bank and eventually gave me a lump sum and we did in fact get married. I’m not suggesting this is what you want but you do indeed need to be careful - get some legal advice maybe.

My partner lives with me in my house, he doesn’t own any property.

He pays the mortgage, I pay all,the household bills.
It works out that we split everything thing fifty fifty.
If you did that, surely it would be fair.

It all sounds a bit too fluid to me. You really do need to have some proper financial arrangements. If he gets annoyed when you mention it, it sounds like he is unwilling to change a thing. Surely he could understand you need to have your own finances in order. I know it’s difficult if you’re not a confrontational person, but he has probably sussed out if he gets annoyed you’ll let the matter drop. Don’t! Be firm. It’s obviously playing a lot on your mind. Needs sorting.

If you do not marry him, your house does not become a matrimonial asset. Do not however let him pay towards improvements, alterstions repairs or maintenance or extensions of your house so that he can not make any sort of equitable claim to a beneficial interest in the house over a lengthy period of time. He should only pay contributions to everyday outgoings not associated with ownership such as council tax, water, energy bills and food etc. Workout what these are and divide by 12 and state clearly that this is his monthly share as a term of permitted shared occupation, which he should pay you by monthly standing order. If he simply won't pay a monthly amount regularly, then at least you know where you stand and will have to decide if you want him to leave or occupy under his terms.

sorry to sound crude, but cock lodge just about sums it up, in fact that is ... well a fact!

so to be realistic, whatever the rights and wrongs of claiming a beneficial interest,, would it be worth it , having that possible dispute?

I took a partner into my house when I was just turned 40. He was homeless awaiting divorce and arrived with a car and hundreds of toys he had collected over the years, that then occupied my loft area. It was my house, everything in my name. To cut a long story short, we moved house, still everything in my name. Mortgage, bills etc. He said because he was running a self employed business it was safer that way.
He used to shop for food every week and if he had spare cash would occasionally pass some over, but kept most of what he earned to himself and always had plenty of money in his pocket. We were together for 18 years and he had always said that if we split anytime, that because the house was originally mine, that's how it would stay. We had separate bedrooms for years. His choice not mine. When I realised he was only with me to get his money back from his previous losses, I decided to part company with him. He was narcissistic and I had no idea what that was. I know now. He actually walked away with more than I did. . He told the courts we had a business partnership and they believed him.
So everyone beware of these monsters. Never move anyone into your home without a legal lodgers agreement.

Flexible friend that sounds like very good advice along with others to check the legal position out with Citizen’s advice. What ought to be is not necessarily what is. As your live in partner he could have claims on your estate. I have seen this happen. Please be cautious and get professional advice.

It all sounds very tricky and I do feel sorry for you. Hopefully you will be able to speak to someone officially and clarify the legal situation. It does sound rather as though you don’t enjoy the current situation and might be better if he moved out. If you could regain your original friendship that would be even better.

My mom owned her own home and then when she remarried he paid the Bill's. She wanted to divorce him but the solicitor said he would be entitled to half the house. They had to stay together until she died. Myself and my sisters own the house legally now but she did make provision in her will that he could live in the house until his death or remarriage. You really need to get legal advice as the law is always changing

As you are not married and you owned the house before he moved in , he would have no claim legally whatsoever on your property but for your own peace of mind, get legal advice, this could be done over the phone with a solicitor. You could ask them about drafting a proper agreement which , even if he refused to sign would prove you considered him a lodger rather than legal partner

Tell him how much you want per month. A total you need.

You could come up with a boarder. You don't have to pay tax on the first £7.5K.

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/rent-a-room-scheme-how-it-works-and-tax-rules

If he doesn't like it, he can ship out.

I’m afraid the fact that he said you ‘owed him’ and you had to let him move in, coupled with the fact he gets angry if you try to discuss the situation, makes me feel he is being far too controlling. I would ask him to make his own arrangements, you need to feel comfortable and peaceful in your own home. It seems at the moment you are neither.

Surely he must expect to contribute regularly to household expenses. If he was a lodger being given accommodation, food, laundry he would need to pay regularly or be out! You definitely need to have a frank conversation about how sporadic his contributions are and how it makes you feel. Very much doubt he wiukd have any legal entitlement - you aren't married, civil partners, even related. He is a lodger with benefits!

As a Lawyer I would advise that you be very careful what money you accept especially into your bank account. I think you should take some legal advice about what you can and cannot accept and how to protect yourself. Claims can be made over the property, even though it us legally j your name I would advise anyone who owns their home to take advice of a solicitor before letting someone move in. You don't have to tell the other person involved if you don't want to but you must always take advice, I cannot stress that enough.

Interesting. We used to have good times, go away a lot, he paid for all the trips. Meals out, ballet, theatre - did all that. Then he said I owed it to him to let him stay in the house - temporarily, in his time of need. We agreed he would give me 'rent' but nothing regular materialised. Chores I don't have a problem with, I like to cook, he does bits and pieces in the garden when he feels like it. Nothing really arranged. The big problem is the inability to start a conversation about financial contributions and my worry about what could happen if we let things go on and on as they are. Thanks for listening everyone.

Maybe you could say that you both need to agree to disagree, on the subject of household finances, and for that reason it'll be best if he lives somewhere else.

Hi OP, you haven’t answered any questions about the division of work in the home.
Does he do a decent share or have you taken the place of his mother? Who does the laundry, cooking, cleaning, garden etc.?
Does he (pre Covid) take you out, dinners, theatres, cinemas, drives in the country.
What about holidays. Pre Covid did you have lovely times away?
Do you get given gifts, not just birthday and Christmas but the odd bunch of flowers, chocolate or such like.
Are you happy to see him when he comes home?
How often do you get hugs and kisses?

He isn't actually being generous and agreeable, is he?

It was meant to be temporary so, what was he planning to do after that?
It seems like it's time he was making a start on that now.

His getting angry, instead of discussing things calmly, is a form of bullying.

OP, have you heard of Fay Weldon's difficulties.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8898995/Novelist-Fay-Weldon-lays-bare-secret-misery-marriage-files-divorce-89.html