Partner using my house, not paying

Does he still have his own house he could go back to? If so, it may be better for him to do so and you continue to see each other socially but not living together. I realise lockdown makes this difficult.
Is he unwilling to agree to give you a set amount each month. You can tell him it would make it easier for you to manage your money.

I suppose the first thing to ask yourself is,do you still want him living with you? If not ask him to find somewhere else to live.
If you want him to keep living there he should be paying half of all expenses but do make sure you get legal advice before you enter into an agreement about this.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I get “housekeeping” money by direct debit which covers half of my expenses related to the house such as power, council tax, insurance etc. and OH pays for our weekly big shop. We now have one car, his, and he pays running costs. I sometimes fill the tank if I have been using it a lot.

Mumsnet has a word for a man taking advantage by not paying a fair share - cocklodger.

Thanks - no he does not have his own home, he moved from his parents' house (! - yes) when they died and it was sold (he was left a considerable amount to get his own property but says he doesn't want to at the moment). Esspee, if you get money from your OH is there any legal agreement - or in your case do you both jointly own the house? In this case the house is solely mine.
Yes 'cocklodger' may be the right term - but it's not that he has refused to pay anything, just that I have been advised that I could be in dangerous waters legally if I continued to accept his money
.

You should list all your outgoings. Present him with it and ask him how he intends to contribute. If the offer is not at least half then simply tell him it is time to leave.

You have said nothing about how you share household chores. These should be roughly 50:50
We both cook. Do the laundry and hang it out. Fold laundry and change the bedding together. I do more of the tidying up and cleaning inside, he keeps outside clean, he does all the d-i-y, cuts grass and hedges and vacuums the carpets.
Financially we are both better off together and both have less work to do.

Just paying the utility bills and shopping is very unlikely to give him a claim against the house in your situations, it might be a different matter if he paid for improvements to the property or things like an extension or loft conversion and even then only if it could be shown that there had been an intention for him to aquire an equitable interest in the house rather than it bring a gift to you. Why cannot he pay the bills as they become due or by DD from his bank, they do not need to be in his name to do this, I know because I pay some bills for one of my AC via DD from my account but the bills remain hers.

I would get some legal advice and consider some sort of agreement. I think citizens advice may be able to help you (if one still exists in your area)

It does not sound as though this is any sort of partnership - the money aspect is just one thing - do you get along together? - do you enjoy being partnered with him?

Get some legal advice before you do anything, find out from the proper people what he can and cannot pay without having any claim on the house.

Are you sure you want to continue this arrangement SJ23 it sounds very one sided to me. He seems like a man happy to coast along on other people's shirt tails, first his parents then you.
If you want to continue your partnership then I would definitely get legal advice and put things on a proper footing.

This is “the proper “ advice

stablishing a beneficial interestAdd reference

If a property is solely owned by someone else, the starting point is that the beneficial interest is also solely owned by that person. The onus is on the person who claims to have a beneficial interest to show that they have any interest at all.

Any of the following is confirmation that the client has a beneficial interest:

a court order confirming the existence of a beneficial interest
a document signed by the legal owner confirming the existence of a beneficial interest
Other things that may be considered a beneficial interestAdd reference

Your client might have a beneficial interest even though this has not been confirmed. A client could acquire a beneficial interest in the following ways:

by the owner agreeing the client had a beneficial interest in the property at the time the property was obtained or when your client moved in (if later) and your client has acted to their detriment because of this agreement, for example, they have made large payments towards general household expenditure
by making a direct contribution to the purchase of the property
A direct contribution to the purchase includes:

payment of some or all of the deposit including a right to buy discount. This doesn't apply if the payment was made as a gift or loan
direct, regular and substantial contributions to the mortgage repayments
subject to any contrary agreement, a spouse or civil partner who pays for or makes a substantial contribution towards identifiable improvements to the property
Living with someone elseAdd reference

The following things don't in themselves establish a beneficial interest:

living in someone else's house even as a partner, civil partner or spouse
sharing household expenses
sharing ordinary domestic duties such as bringing up children or maintaining the property

SJ23 at no point do you mention your relationship with him, do you love him, do things together, any children or grandchildren? If this is purely for his convenience, with no friendship, mutual respect, just financial, then why is he still there?

I do not see how, someone paying half the day to day running expenses of a house they live in should have any legal claim on the house itself. If they are contributing to the mortgage and/or make major improvements at their expense that is different.

SJ23, I suggest you talk to the CAB or Age UK and get clear advice whether getting your partner to pay his share of the bills affects your full ownership of the property or not. If not, open a joint household bank account, calculate what the bills ar, divide by 2 and you then both put that amount of money in the bank each month. He can pay utility bills without the bills being in his name. I am the family finance manager and pay all the bills, but some are in my name and some in DH's.

I think having lived at home until his parents died and then moved in with you he has expected to live with you as he lived with his parents. Personally, I would tell him that two years is long enough to live with you temporally and now is the time for him to buy a property and stand on his own two feet. If he kicks up a fuss or breaaks it off, you will know that he was with you merely for the domestic comforts of a settled home like that he had known with his parents.

Sounds ver one sided. TBH, I wouldn’t continue to let him lodge with you. I agree with Monica, it’s time he moved into his own property and moved out of yours.

Cocklodger sounds just about right

During my divorce while chatting with my barrister he said should I ever cohabit again then I should charge them a set fee and have it paid into my bank account clearly labelled as Rent.

Is this the only issue you have with him?
Is he a good partner otherwise?

You asked for more detail OP. We both owned our own homes. Initially he rented his out then sold it as it was too far away.
He pays monthly towards day to day bills which we both benefit from (power, broadband, council tax etc.). I pay for things like a new boiler and property repairs because it is my property. He contributes nothing that would give him a claim on the property.
We decided to do that rather than combine our finances so that my children inherit my assets. His daughter, his assets.

We felt the children were less likely to resent our relationship if we kept finances separate preserving their inheritances and of course marriage is therefore out of the question.
Works well for us.

For information the post I made earlier is the information you would get from Citizens Advice regarding establishing beneficial interest

SJ23 Not once in your original post did you say you had any feeling for your partner only that he makes you angry and you feel he if freeloading off you.
Personally I would show him the door and get him to move into his own place,if god forbid anything happened to you in the future your family may have a problem getting him out.

I am incredibly grateful to you all for your advice, this makes me feel very supported and I am thinking about everything you say. I do have feelings for my partner (after 21 years! - but only latterly in this living situation) but they are being eroded by the inability to discuss the 'elephant in the room' ie finance and the future. He gets very angry if he feels there is any suspicion I consider him anything other than generous and agreeable. But as I say, I have been told that the situation puts me in a dangerous situation legally. I have no family at all to help.

SJ, I think Esspee (above) has written a lot of sense. Too bad that he gets angry. He has a choice doesn't he? Either act like a responsible adult & contribute properly or sling his hook. He's using you! Can't you see that?

OP, did you post on this some months ago ?
the situation sounds familiar.
if i was your relative i would advise you to get your house back to your sole occupancy.
his getting angry when you try to discuss it, could be seen as a form of coercion. he is controlling the situation, making it unpleasant / imposs for you to raise and make a decision on a valid concern.
he is effectively eroding your autonomy.
this is a big red flag.
look after yourself.

OP, have you heard of Fay Weldon's difficulties.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8898995/Novelist-Fay-Weldon-lays-bare-secret-misery-marriage-files-divorce-89.html

He isn't actually being generous and agreeable, is he?

It was meant to be temporary so, what was he planning to do after that?
It seems like it's time he was making a start on that now.

His getting angry, instead of discussing things calmly, is a form of bullying.