My father outlived my mother by 20 years so to cut a long story short.....my sister was always begging money off them. When mum was alive she begged £10 every Monday off mum till she got her money on Tuesday (her husband was alcoholic and never worked) She had 6 children and mum gave her £10 for the kids and £10 for doing her hair every Saturday. I’d done her hair until my husbands job took us out of the area for nothing and as my mum, I wouldn’t have dreamt of charging her. All the family supported her, buying clothes, food etc, for the children, including me.
Years after mum died about and 5 years before dad did, he said he was leaving his house to be sold and shared between my sister and I and the money to be shared equally among the grandchildren but he wasn’t leaving any to great grandchildren.
When he was taken ill and moved into a hospice 2 weeks before he died neither my sister nor any of her children told me, then my son got a call from her son to say he hadn’t got long if I wanted to see him. I don’t understand why non of them rang me, it wasn’t as if I didn’t speak to them. I went the next morning and was told he’d been unconscious (due to the drugs) for 5 days. I was not told when or where his ashes were put nor asked if I wanted to be there! 3 months later I got a call to say he had left me some money, a measly amount. I was told I couldn’t have a copy of the will, So eventually I got one through the government website and I found out he’d left his house to my sister and all his money to be shared between my sister and her children and he’d cut my children off completely leaving them absolutely nothing even my favourite niece who he never bothered with and I did, got a big share of his will. He changed his will one day before he went unconscious and I think my sister, her son and daughter changed the will but I can’t prove it. It was NOT typed at the solicitors. His signature was on the will but as he was blind I don’t see how he knew what was in it, the solicitor was a friend of sister’s daughter, (she worked at the same solicitors) the witness, my sisters best friend. My sister, her daughter and son also had access to his bank account and she admitted she took money out of his account, even buying him a big telly a couple of months before he died! What for? He was blind!
3 weeks after he died my sister and her whole family, in law’s included, except my niece who lives abroad, went on holiday to Spain. They even put all the photos on Facebook, was that to rub the salt in the wound for when we found out about the will?
My sister was dad’s favourite and could do no wrong, while I was always the black sheep of the family so I expect she would have found it easy to ‘change’ his mind at the last ‘minute’!
You should treat all your children equally. This will has caused a massive unrepairable rift in the family and the hatred is palpable, he’s been dead 2 1/2 years now and I don’t understand how my sister could have done this to her only sister or allow our father to do it either because I just couldn’t!
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Legal, pensions and money
Wills and leaving to grandchildren
(132 Posts)Would really like GN’s thoughts on this. I have three children and the will I made a few years ago leaves my estate to be divided equally between them (their father died many years ago and present husband and I keep our own finances).
The two older ones have passed the age of having children however the youngest one has an almost 3 year old and his wife is due to give birth to twins any day now!
Any thoughts on changing my will to give my youngest additional support if I do pass away (I am 70 and quite healthy but you never know). Not over keen on leaving anything in trust but don’t know how the other two would feel if I left more to their younger brother. Any thoughts please. (I’ve got some savings plus half the house)
Don't favour one child it will cause problems
If you make a difference between them you will destroy their relationships with each other. Just do equal splits.
That seems a good idea Cid. I have an estranged adult gs who has been very vindictive and nasty. I have not seen him for years and probably never will.His father doesn't have contact either but I suppose it's up to him .
Takes me a while to think about some things like this. No you should not give one more help than the other UNLESS the other agrees to it. One may be a millionaire and the other on benefits. Why should either benefit more. They shouldn't. However if it was my sister and you asked me I would possibly NOT defininately agree provided that help was done properly, drip fed, used to buy property in both our names etc. You get the drift. You must not treat them unequally it is wrong unless they agree to it.
I would divide equally between your adult children , and nothing for the grandchildren. It’s up to the GC parent then. And doesn’t penalise your other two AC for not having children
As a teenager or young adult I think it would feel very special to be left a legacy in a will where you are actually named. My grandparents didn't do this but I was left a small sum from my godmother and I was touched that she had thought of me.
Rather than leaving money, consider a piece of jewelry or something you shared with each GC.
3 children should definitely get equal shares,maybe help the youngest a bit now,you don’t want hurt feelings.Also the children will have loving aunts and uncles in the future.
Just a thought but it could be that the two older brothers, who have no children, each leave their estate to the youngest brother's children in the fullness of time anyway.
So the youngest brother's family could benefit more eventually, but it would be the older brothers' decision.
My partner only has one sibling, a brother...his brother has 2 'kids' (young adults in early-mid-twenties) whereas he does not have children. His parents have split everything equally 50/50 between him and his brother in their wills. They said it was only fair and it would not be right to favour one over the other because of the life choices, circumstances or current financial situation of each son.
My mum was divorced when my sister and I were toddler and baby. When she remarried they had a son. I was told my brother will inherit the majority of their estate, my sister may get something but nothing is heading my way! (I'd left home before my brother was born). Luckily I love my siblings and don't begrudge them anything + they both have families - my sister has 3 young adult kids and my brother has a young son. But I have known friends where inequality in inheritances ripped their families apart and fractured relationships never to be repaired. My advice would be to keep your will with an even split and to think very carefully about all the implications any changes might have. Here's hoping it will be a long time before that will is read - stay safe.
I am beginning to think my son is unreasonable. I have two grandchildren 15 and 13. Their parents are divorced, They spend time with each parent. When at their mothers they don’t get pocket money at all. If they want a bit of money they have to wash the car etc. At my sons house they don’t get money either! I asked my son if I could give the children a small monthly allowance by way of a bank Acc for each. He said no!
If I want to buy the children a present I have to go through my son and he says yes or no. I am only allowed to do Xmas and birthday. As the children get older I am wondering how it will be. I think my son and I may fall out is I try and help the children when they need it! I think children. Need to learn how to manage their money. Is this normal?
GrannyRose15. Was your comment addressed to me? If so, one DS/DIL are in their 50s, and she couldn’t have children. My unmarried DS has always said that there are too many children in the world, and he will never father any (though he loves other peoples’ children) He is definitely ‘off’ relationships. One girl broke his heart, and another chased him relentlessly until he left the country to escape her! He has female friends, but likes his independence too much to settle down. though one can never be sure!
Do solicitors help you to sort out complicated situations?
I need to sort something out and make a will.
Are you sure the other two won't have children? If they are boys there is no time limit on fatherhood. Just a thought to throw into the mix.
In your position, I would leave a fixed sum to the grandchildren (legally it will have to be in trust until they are of age). I'd divide the rest between your AC.
I have five children. Three of them have a child/children. The other two never will. Three are comfortably off, one not so much, and one is fairly hard-up. We have helped them all out, in a limited way over the years. Apart from the value of the house I don’t have a great deal to leave.
When DH and I discussed making our wills we considered the different financial positions of our children, and whether to leave anything to the grandchildren. At the time only one daughter had a family. We decided that the only fair way was a straight split between the five ‘children’. They all know what was decided, and agree with the decision.
Having said that, various ones have helped out their siblings financially when the need arose, either as a loan or a gift. I know that they will still do the same in the future if one of them hits hard times, or the grandkids need help. That made our decision easier.
Different people have different situations, however. If in doubt, I would discuss it with the family, and hope that they all agree with what’s decided.
That all sounds very sensible, Thoro.
I'm sorry to hear your husband has Lewy Body. My stepfather had that, and it is a cruel illness. I wish you well for the future.
My dad's will (my mum passed away 22 years prior to him) left his estate equally between the 3 of us AC, my brother and sister have one child each but I don't have any. There were 4 envelopes of equal amounts of cash left in his safe, we siblings had one each and the last one we agreed for the two grandchildren - my SIL however said that wasn't fair as I don't have a child, so we divided by 5 and gave the two boys two shares each and I had the 5th share. Brother and sister didn't feel guilty and I didn't lose out Both nephews will inherit off their parents so will indirectly share Granddad's money (eventually). They will also inherit off me (widowed no kids) alongside my brother and sister when I depart this life - but not for a long time I hope.
We divided ours between our 3 children.One child has no children, the other 2 have 2 children each.Have left an equal lump sum to each gc.Treat them equal,or it causes no end of trouble.
Equal without a doubt with legacies to each grandchild
Leave it equally to your adult children
Oh gosh I’m blown away with all your excellent advice. My brother sadly died when we were both teenagers and it made me realise that I’ve never had to share my parents inheritance as it was all left to me.
My present husband and I have taken legal advice about our situation and the house is owned as ‘tenants in common’ and our wills give the surviving spouse the right to live in the house until they want to sell or their demise. - if a child should pass away their share of the estate is left to ‘their issue’.
Sadly my husband has been diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia. As our finances are separate if he ever does need additional care only his finances will be taken into account.
I feel awful saying that and I will be his carer for as long as I possibly can but as our children were all adult when we met I don’t want my children’s inheritance used for his care.
At present I will leave my will as it is as I get on well with all my children and think they are all sensible with money, and they all get on so would hate to leave a legacy of resentment.
Now to keep living and stop thinking about my will!!
Treat the one with the child NOW. That way you will avoid bad feeling. My grandfather cut one child out of the will and he never spoke to one of the brothers again.
I would ensure a fair split - I agree that if in doubt bypass the children in favour of a trust fund shared by the GC. I'm leaving to any GC (currently only one, whom I haven't seen since 2009) but in trust and if my daughters or their children don't contact my DS by the time the children are 25, the trust passes to him) and my MIL has left her whole estate to DH, but with the proviso that nothing is to go to my estranged daughters.
Nusgranny
NO. My mother in her wisdom decided 15 years ago to leave her money to be split between my niece and nephew as house prices here are high, They are 10 and 13 years older than my eldest, I have 3. Said niece and nephew and their parents have all moved abroad to far flung corners of the earth and highly paid jobs. I have had to become my mothers carer. My children phone her regularly and visit whenever they can. Nothing from the other 2. This has left a very bitter taste and I have times where I find it difficult not to say something
Is this something that you could bring up with your mother, Nusgranny?
It may be that she has forgotten why she thought it was a good idea in the first place, and would be very willing to change the will if she thought about the implications now.
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