Loan not being paid back

Kali in UK there is no legal requirement to leave your estate to your children as it is in France I believe. Any of us can make a legal will and leave our estate to whoever we wish, as many people have found to their great surprise in the death of a parent. However, if there is no will, the usual laws of the inheritance apply

I would try to talk to her, with the thought of the money being gone.

You knew it was a bad idea - what are you going to do, let your dh and daughter manipulate you again?

Frogsinmygarden
I have to be honest and say the signs aren’t looking good, are they. One consolation ( although you won’t be around to witness this) is for this loan to be reflected in your wills.

What a difficult situation, wow. Is she an only child?

Are you owners of your property? I would go and see a solicitor and discuss your options.

What is the Legal situation in the UK with disinheriting a child. Can you do this?

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sorry to hear this all too familiar tale OP.
try the letter as suggested above.
but realistically i think you have to view that money as gone.
the love of money is the root of all evil, st Paul.
neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend, shakespeare.

I'm a bit surprised this wasn't looked into more closely by her Solicitors when she bought the property.

My understanding is that they would need proof that it was a gift from you or else you could have had a charge put against the house, so that your money would be returned in the event of a later sale.

I know this is slightly beside the point and I wish you all the best when contacting her.

I would try and get back in contact first. She needs to know you are concerned about her and not just your money. Once you are in contact regularly you could ask her to start paying back the loan and suggest a regular standing order. Explain how you actually need the money for your day to day living at present. Hope things improve. It must feel very hurtful

geekesse

Ok, I may offend, but it needs saying...

If you already knew she was useless with money, what on earth made your husband think you were likely to ever get the money back? It sounds as if your ‘daddy’s girl’ has manipulated him, and knowingly accepted money she never intended to repay.

‘Nothing in writing’ over a large loan suggests an extraordinary lack of foresight and naive gullibility. And why do parents think it necessary to “help” a single adult child buy a house anyway? Either they save up themselves, or they rent.

I agree completely with Geekesse, and, from viewing Judge Rinder, I think money to family members is seen as a gift, unless you can prove otherwise.

And, to those suggesting it could be seen as her inheritance, Frogs said it was the last of their savings,( though there may be a house to take into account).

I would write to her saying

*“Dear (daughter),

Your mother and I are well and we hope you are too. I’m writing today because we are in a bit of financial difficulty and need the £xxxx we loaned you on (date) towards the deposit on your home returned.
If you can’t manage the whole sum how much can you transfer at the moment? We can work out a repayment schedule to suit.
Please let us know by return to put our minds at rest.

Love Mum and Dad.*

With luck her reply will be enough to prove that she received the loan from you so that in the worst case scenario she cannot challenge your will if you take the amount she owes into account in your bequests.

Thanks for all of your suggestions and advice. I don't think our DD is 'hiding' from us because she's bothered about not paying the money back as someone has suggested. The fact is that it has been such a long period of time since we've seen or spoken to her leads us to believe that all she wanted was the money. It hurts that we've ve not seen her since before the first lockdown last March. So I guess we've lost more than the money.

Even if you had bank statements to prove a transfer of funds, that doesn't prove that she had agreed to repay the money, so taking it to any court would be a waste of further money.

I've often read "never lend what you can't afford to lose", and I've recently (with our own daughter) taken the view that anything we "lend" is actually a gift. I know what she's like, and I know we'll never see any of it back. So now if we do give her any money, for whatever reason, it's on the (private, between husband and I) understanding that it's never going to be repaid. It's stopped me getting so stressed when I see her buying what I consider to be nonsense, and not making any effort to pay us back.

In your case, I think you need to decide what it is that you want now. Do you want the money repaid as a lump sum, or would you be happy with it being paid back in instalments? Do you need the money now, or are you looking at it as a nest egg for anything you need in the future?

I think I would write to your daughter, if she is avoiding you, reminding her of your verbal agreement, and asking how she would like to repay the money, and when she thinks this will be. If she doesn't respond, then I would say sadly you've seen the last of your money. And likely your daughter, if she's "hiding" from you now.

I would do as someone has already suggested, tell her that she has now had her inheritance, tell your other ACs and get to your Solicitor and alter your wills in case she challenges it after your demise.

If she has lost out then it’s her own fault.

Don’t let your children have money that you can’t afford to lose.

Ok, I may offend, but it needs saying...

If you already knew she was useless with money, what on earth made your husband think you were likely to ever get the money back? It sounds as if your ‘daddy’s girl’ has manipulated him, and knowingly accepted money she never intended to repay.

‘Nothing in writing’ over a large loan suggests an extraordinary lack of foresight and naive gullibility. And why do parents think it necessary to “help” a single adult child buy a house anyway? Either they save up themselves, or they rent.

I agree with Septimia.
Another thought is TELL HER she needent pay you both back as you have decided thats your inheritance in advance and not to expect anything more.
She may think twice about paying you back just in-case there`s more tocome.
Not a pleasent person to treat you both like that.

Perhaps she is afraid and ashamed that she has not started to pay you back. Could she start repaying in minute instalments just to begin with? Fifty pounds a month might be possible for her and is infinitely better than what you have now.

Although you don't have a written agreement, would your bank statement provide at least some evidence of the transfer of funds?

It is a difficult situation - maybe she feels that and that is the reason she's avoiding you.

If it can't be resolved, perhaps you can leave it that she's already had any inheritance she might have had later.