Loan not being paid back

Although you don't have a written agreement, would your bank statement provide at least some evidence of the transfer of funds?

It is a difficult situation - maybe she feels that and that is the reason she's avoiding you.

If it can't be resolved, perhaps you can leave it that she's already had any inheritance she might have had later.

Perhaps she is afraid and ashamed that she has not started to pay you back. Could she start repaying in minute instalments just to begin with? Fifty pounds a month might be possible for her and is infinitely better than what you have now.

I agree with Septimia.
Another thought is TELL HER she needent pay you both back as you have decided thats your inheritance in advance and not to expect anything more.
She may think twice about paying you back just in-case there`s more tocome.
Not a pleasent person to treat you both like that.

Ok, I may offend, but it needs saying...

If you already knew she was useless with money, what on earth made your husband think you were likely to ever get the money back? It sounds as if your ‘daddy’s girl’ has manipulated him, and knowingly accepted money she never intended to repay.

‘Nothing in writing’ over a large loan suggests an extraordinary lack of foresight and naive gullibility. And why do parents think it necessary to “help” a single adult child buy a house anyway? Either they save up themselves, or they rent.

I would do as someone has already suggested, tell her that she has now had her inheritance, tell your other ACs and get to your Solicitor and alter your wills in case she challenges it after your demise.

If she has lost out then it’s her own fault.

Don’t let your children have money that you can’t afford to lose.

Even if you had bank statements to prove a transfer of funds, that doesn't prove that she had agreed to repay the money, so taking it to any court would be a waste of further money.

I've often read "never lend what you can't afford to lose", and I've recently (with our own daughter) taken the view that anything we "lend" is actually a gift. I know what she's like, and I know we'll never see any of it back. So now if we do give her any money, for whatever reason, it's on the (private, between husband and I) understanding that it's never going to be repaid. It's stopped me getting so stressed when I see her buying what I consider to be nonsense, and not making any effort to pay us back.

In your case, I think you need to decide what it is that you want now. Do you want the money repaid as a lump sum, or would you be happy with it being paid back in instalments? Do you need the money now, or are you looking at it as a nest egg for anything you need in the future?

I think I would write to your daughter, if she is avoiding you, reminding her of your verbal agreement, and asking how she would like to repay the money, and when she thinks this will be. If she doesn't respond, then I would say sadly you've seen the last of your money. And likely your daughter, if she's "hiding" from you now.

Thanks for all of your suggestions and advice. I don't think our DD is 'hiding' from us because she's bothered about not paying the money back as someone has suggested. The fact is that it has been such a long period of time since we've seen or spoken to her leads us to believe that all she wanted was the money. It hurts that we've ve not seen her since before the first lockdown last March. So I guess we've lost more than the money.

I would write to her saying

*“Dear (daughter),

Your mother and I are well and we hope you are too. I’m writing today because we are in a bit of financial difficulty and need the £xxxx we loaned you on (date) towards the deposit on your home returned.
If you can’t manage the whole sum how much can you transfer at the moment? We can work out a repayment schedule to suit.
Please let us know by return to put our minds at rest.

Love Mum and Dad.*

With luck her reply will be enough to prove that she received the loan from you so that in the worst case scenario she cannot challenge your will if you take the amount she owes into account in your bequests.

geekesse

Ok, I may offend, but it needs saying...

If you already knew she was useless with money, what on earth made your husband think you were likely to ever get the money back? It sounds as if your ‘daddy’s girl’ has manipulated him, and knowingly accepted money she never intended to repay.

‘Nothing in writing’ over a large loan suggests an extraordinary lack of foresight and naive gullibility. And why do parents think it necessary to “help” a single adult child buy a house anyway? Either they save up themselves, or they rent.

I agree completely with Geekesse, and, from viewing Judge Rinder, I think money to family members is seen as a gift, unless you can prove otherwise.

And, to those suggesting it could be seen as her inheritance, Frogs said it was the last of their savings,( though there may be a house to take into account).

I would try and get back in contact first. She needs to know you are concerned about her and not just your money. Once you are in contact regularly you could ask her to start paying back the loan and suggest a regular standing order. Explain how you actually need the money for your day to day living at present. Hope things improve. It must feel very hurtful

I'm a bit surprised this wasn't looked into more closely by her Solicitors when she bought the property.

My understanding is that they would need proof that it was a gift from you or else you could have had a charge put against the house, so that your money would be returned in the event of a later sale.

I know this is slightly beside the point and I wish you all the best when contacting her.

sorry to hear this all too familiar tale OP.
try the letter as suggested above.
but realistically i think you have to view that money as gone.
the love of money is the root of all evil, st Paul.
neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend, shakespeare.

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What a difficult situation, wow. Is she an only child?

Are you owners of your property? I would go and see a solicitor and discuss your options.

What is the Legal situation in the UK with disinheriting a child. Can you do this?

Frogsinmygarden
I have to be honest and say the signs aren’t looking good, are they. One consolation ( although you won’t be around to witness this) is for this loan to be reflected in your wills.

I would try to talk to her, with the thought of the money being gone.

You knew it was a bad idea - what are you going to do, let your dh and daughter manipulate you again?

Kali in UK there is no legal requirement to leave your estate to your children as it is in France I believe. Any of us can make a legal will and leave our estate to whoever we wish, as many people have found to their great surprise in the death of a parent. However, if there is no will, the usual laws of the inheritance apply

Well, it’s just over a year since the original poster posted, so the issue has either been resolved now or she does not wish to add any more detail.
I hope it was resolved.

You know where you went wrong so there’s no point rubbing your nose in it.

I would second writing a letter as suggested above. That sets out your position and gives her an opportunity to engage with you. Send it by recorded delivery so you have proof she’s received it. On no account tell her at any point that she’s had her inheritance as then it will become a gift.

As you say the loan used up your savings, I assume you really can’t afford to write it off. In view of the fact that she’s decided to distance herself from you, I would advise going to a solicitor if your letter doesn’t produce an acknowledgment of the loan and a repayment plan. It will be emotionally difficult and it will be your word against hers but common sense would tell the judge that you wouldn’t have given away the last of your savings.

I hope all goes well. In the meantime do revisit your wills as soon as possible and ask a solicitor to revise them to take account of the current situation. They can be suitably worded to cover a situation in which she has repaid some or none of the loan, and your right to repayment of the balance passed on to anyone you choose.

Damn! Didn’t look at the date!!!

Kali, Yes, you can.

OP - and other contributors, there is no point in crying over spilt milk or discussing what you ought to have done. The OP is faced with the fact that her daughter has the money and she is not going to pay it back.

I understand your grief for the daughter you thought you had. You must be devastated by her behaviour, as I would be in your situation.

With nothing in writing and the possibility that you may have said to the solicitor it was a gift, even though you are not aware of having done this, it is very difficult to know what you can do to get the money back.

What you now need to consider is how you can replace those accessible savings. You do not say that your daughter is an only child, but I suspect she might be, You also do not say whether you are house owners or not.

If you own your house you could release some of the value of your house through equity release. It works a bit like a mortgage, but instead of paying it back or paying any interest, the interest is added to the loan each year and when you sell the house, either to go into care or after your death, the money and interest are repaid.

To show how it works. Take a house worth £350,000, £100,000 equity release and interest of 5% a year. You would get £100,000 and instead of paying interest at the end of the year the money due back to the lender would be £105,000. The year after that 5% of £105,000 would be added on and so on.

If you decide to do that, you could then write to your daughter, tell her what you are doing, why you are going to do it and point out that that means that you will probably have very little to leave her when your died as the money you are taking out of the house and the rolled up interest will account for most of the value of the house.

This just might galvanise her into action and repayment. If it doesnt, go ahead with the equity release. You will then have some money behind you that you can access easily and she will just have to accept that her failure to repay the loan will severely cut into any inheritance she may have expected.

When you loaned her the money, did she also get a mortgage? Usually mortgage providers require money from parents to be a gift and not a loan. They usually also require a letter from the giver to confirm the gift.
Did you send such a letter. If you did then I’m afraid there is no comeback, other than the receivers conscience.

I hadn't spotted it was a necropost. I suspect it was reanimated by the poster offering a link to payday loans.

GillT57

Kali in UK there is no legal requirement to leave your estate to your children as it is in France I believe. Any of us can make a legal will and leave our estate to whoever we wish, as many people have found to their great surprise in the death of a parent. However, if there is no will, the usual laws of the inheritance apply

I’m prepared to be wrong, but I understood that in Scotland you couldn’t disinherit your children.