Spousal maintenance to husband in retirement

Congratulations on making that first hard decision. Hopefully your solicitor will do a good job for you.
Maybe even show this text above. I had to pay my OH 25k - a smaller portion than he could have claimed - my solicitor recommended this. Much better than half-time but in some ways more than he deserved.
Hopefully other GNs will come up with more info.
What ever happens here's to the start of your new life. I've no regrets with our split & I've found I've gained confidence too.
Best wishes ?

I agree with Smileless if you can reach an amicable settlement without too much legal input it would be so much better. I used up a lot of money chasing my ex for a fair settlement.
It will be worth it in the end Heartandhome when you can have a happy and peaceful life, probably financially less well off but in terms of peace of mind priceless.

Go to a solicitor with experience of divorce/a divorce department. . Check re fees etc if paying too much worries you. But pay for an hour of time to get proper legal advice on the while situation you have written down on here. That way you can understand exactly what your legal position is. Conjecture from various sources wont help you. Good luck

I’m with the agree it between you and avoid solicitors group. My ex and I sat down and worked out a 50:50 split. I could’ve gone for more - so could he - but the resulting bitterness would have lasted far longer than any pleasure at getting ‘more’. It’s just money. You are in a great position to live your new life. Draw a line, give him what he’s entitled to (sorry he is) and move on. Your life will be happier and the bad part of divorce will be over sooner. I had friends who went to a solicitor and it took years of wrangling and cost thousands. They were no better off at the end of it but hated each other. We’re not young enough to spend years wrangling. I’d recommend to cut your losses and move on. I wish you every happiness. There’s a big life out there waiting for you.

So sorry to hear of the very unfair situation you find yourself in. Unfortunately Solicitors will neither do what is morally or ethically right but will do what is legally right. Is it possible that your adult children would be able to persuade him to part ways with what he himself has accrued and not go down the legal route...Of course you may not want them to get involved. Wishing you all the very best.

I think most of what you posted is irrelevant, it's obviously important to you but the courts wont care. sorry, fact. The starting point for all division of assets including the marital home is 50 / 50 and then it's worked out from there to equalise your assets. Spousal support is a thing of the past. You need to talk to a solicitor asap to get the facts.

I’m a bit nonplussed at so many people saying don’t get involved with solicitors. A solicitor will give advice and act in the best interests of her client. I agree a moral view doesn’t come into it. After all, everyone has a different view on what is morally right.

A good solicitor will give you a long term view of all the implications of different scenarios and decisions and then tie it up so it can’t be questioned later. Too many people think they have sorted things amicably and then months or years down the line, circumstances change, the ex-partner claims their legal rights and there’s nothing to be done. Another friend lost half her pension after an amicable arrangement with no legal financial settlement, when his second marriage failed.

I think in most cases it’s still women who want to keep everything nice and friendly and often give way to their disadvantage, to avoid conflict.

Oh yes Peasblossom you’re right. I forgot to say once agreed get a financial agreement signed. What I meant was don’t go the whole route. Just my thoughts of course. You know what’s best for you and your situation.

I do sort of agree with you too Polarbear, about the wrangling and just moving on with life. I walked away once in my youth with nothing and don’t regret it one bit. It was just a blip, and didn’t affect my future, if you see what I mean.

It’s a bit different at the other end of your working life, I think.

I’m not so nicey now?

FlexibleFriend

I think most of what you posted is irrelevant, it's obviously important to you but the courts wont care. sorry, fact. The starting point for all division of assets including the marital home is 50 / 50 and then it's worked out from there to equalise your assets. Spousal support is a thing of the past. You need to talk to a solicitor asap to get the facts.

I’m not disputing 50 50 split of assets. Completely agree

It is having to pay him spousal maintenance form my monthly pension for the rest of my life to equalise our pension income.
Given he has pensions in his own right that will give him around £14-16k post tax.
I don’t want to still have contact with him to pay him every month aside form anything else.

And as I said earlier those assets are enough to split and buy a modest house each and still have savings left over and cover divorce costs etc.
He won’t be struggling.

I’ve been reading more and found something that spousal maintenance is appropriate to cover his needs but balanced with encouraging the partner to support themselves as soon as possible ( e.g if he was working age it would be say 3-5 years with expectations he would find work to support himself). That obviously doesn’t apply here but surely no court is going to make me pay him an income for the rest of his life so I am saddled with having to keep in contact

We’ve got a budget right now, his pensions cover 50% of that budget right now. Surely that meets his needs

Hmm. I’d prefer a clean break if I were you. Can you offer him a lump sum on the condition he then agrees clean break?? Sorry if I’m misunderstanding you.

Find a solicitor who specialises in private, family law. Google will be your friend, you can then search for client reviews of the solicitors who stand out to you.
You want an experienced fighter. The first interview will confirm or not whether you instruct that lawyer. You’re right to want full and final settlement. The fact you has to support him because he wasn’t cooperative with meds should help. Best of luck

Sad to say, he may have encountered discrimination when applying for jobs. People with severe mental illness face this.
Employers do not want to employ people with mental illness.

SparklyGrandma

Sad to say, he may have encountered discrimination when applying for jobs. People with severe mental illness face this.
Employers do not want to employ people with mental illness.

No he wasn’t discriminated against. . He wasn’t diagnosed until he was 50. The reason he was not diagnosed was that he was very apt at managing the symptoms. No one knew.. even the day before he was diagnosed with psychotic illness, his gp sent him away without diagnosing anything amiss.
He didn’t get jobs because he had no references and was dismissed for gross misconduct ( he threatened a colleague and was squaring up to hit him) or refusing to do tasks that were part of his contract, or lying on his CV applications to get roles that he could not do so was fired for performance issues. He spent most of his time applying for “ big” jobs with 6 figure Salaries despite having no experience in that field and way above any skills or level he worked at. He would not apply for work he could do- considered it was beneath him and unfair of me to be asking him to just contribute some income for his family

Sorry, but that wound me up...?

Get a good solicitor, but accept that you may have to pay him more than you think is 'fair'. But, if this was the other way around, and you were a man who had supported his family, with a wife who had been unable to work due to mental health issues, the courts would be likely to make a financial maintenance award of some sort. This may not be useful, but your gender is irrelevant, you are a spouse, not a wife or a husband. Sorry, if clumsily put, but hopefully you can make out what I am trying to say! Don't mess about with CAB who are inundated with people who cannot afford to pay for legal advice; get a divorce solicitor, get it sorted and signed, and move on.

SparklyGrandma

Sad to say, he may have encountered discrimination when applying for jobs. People with severe mental illness face this.
Employers do not want to employ people with mental illness.

Sorry, just had a frenzy moment...what I should have said was I know that is true...but not for him
Diagnosis came 6 years after he had given up trying to find work entirely. No one knew when he was working or applying. Not me, not medics. I knew there was something wrong and I was at receiving end of it. But it simply did not fit typical patterns of psychotic illnesses. He came across as nice as pie one moment, then agressive, hostile and belligerent .

The details you have given of your husband's erratic behaviour make it even more imperative that you consult a solicitor, get it all in writing, signed and sealed as there looks as if there is potential for him to lie, obfuscate and generally go back on any informal agreements you may think you have both agreed to.

GillT57

Get a good solicitor, but accept that you may have to pay him more than you think is 'fair'. But, if this was the other way around, and you were a man who had supported his family, with a wife who had been unable to work due to mental health issues, the courts would be likely to make a financial maintenance award of some sort. This may not be useful, but your gender is irrelevant, you are a spouse, not a wife or a husband. Sorry, if clumsily put, but hopefully you can make out what I am trying to say! Don't mess about with CAB who are inundated with people who cannot afford to pay for legal advice; get a divorce solicitor, get it sorted and signed, and move on.

? I’m not making any gendered assumptions here! That’s the whole point of the post.
If it were the other way around and I was being divorced becuase I had d3cidedcthat not taking meds was more important than saving my marriage, and receiving 50% of heathy assets, a reasonable pension in my own right and had not worked for a huge proportion of my working life without agreement from him to suppport me, I’d actually think I’d done quite well and wouldn’t want to claim his pension income

I hope I didn't offend Heartandhome, maybe just clumsy in how I tried to get my view across! I’d actually think I’d done quite well and wouldn’t want to claim his pension income, yes but the point is, you are fair about this situation, and by your own definition, your husband is not rational or fair.

Heartandhome, a friend has been through similar separation experiences. Stand your ground. You shouldn’t end up losing out because you stuck with him for so long

GillT57

I hope I didn't offend Heartandhome, maybe just clumsy in how I tried to get my view across! I’d actually think I’d done quite well and wouldn’t want to claim his pension income, yes but the point is, you are fair about this situation, and by your own definition, your husband is not rational or fair.

No you didn’t rally, just I’m worn out with it all....

Iam64

Heartandhome, a friend has been through similar separation experiences. Stand your ground. You shouldn’t end up losing out because you stuck with him for so long

Yes, it’s what I feel like..I stuck with him because he was trying to get help and even though now we are better off he could get to walk away with me continuing to provide financially for him..it feels like I will never be free