estranged Brother on will

I did a lot more for my parents than my sister did . They moved near us in their old age . Consequently it was by a factor of say 100 X!! On my parents death estate was shared equally between us. That's fine by me. I helped them because I loved them and I chose to. I would have felt awkward if it was any other way.

One of my daughters does far more for me than the other........... - their choice, no family fall-outs, its just the way things are but they both get an equal share of my estate when I die.

Thanks for sharing link

So pleased you are feeling a bit better about this today Annie

It seems several people have commented on the parable of the Prodigal Son and by coincidence this was part of the 2 minute "prayer for the day" yesterday. I've found the link:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001h44f?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Interesting thoughts I felt. Hadn't really ever looked at it this way.

mumofmadboys

A parents love for their child should be unconditional.

This.

All parents love their children equally and wouldn't want their last "words" from their will/the grave to be less than equal.

well done Annie, peace is descending to you

Annie1962

Thanks for all your comments and advice, I have read everyone, I will take what you’ve all said on board! It’s hard, but I’ll rise above it all, at the end of the day I don’t need the money, any future inheritance I get I will give to my children/grandchildren, they need it more than I do, I do support them and buy them things they can’t afford or we give money for their savings etc. I’m genuinely a happy accepting kind of person, so live and let live, can’t change it, so get in with it 😆
Inner peace is happiness 😆

Exactly this. Well done Annie1962

Annie1962

My father recently passed away, leaving my 82 year old mum a widow. I live nearby, my DH and myself organised the funeral etc. I have 2 brothers, my parents have not seen my older brother for years, my youngest brother is 2 hours away, and often visits. My older brother was informed of my dads illness and death, never made any effort to visit or phone or attend his funeral. Yesterday we all visited the solicitor, everything passes to my mother, my older brother is on her will, along with his son, I asked her to take them off and do a new will, I expressed my annoyance of this (always say what I think) but she said ‘just leave it as it is’. My younger brother said, ‘it’s her will, and up to her’.

Obviously, this has annoyed me, as I do lots for her, and so does my DH and DD. It’s not about the money, as we are ‘well off’. It’s the fact that I run around taking her shopping and she always comes over for Sunday lunch, and I feel upset that my older brother and son make no effort to see her, or even phone her, but will left a substantial amount when my mother passes.
Do I speak to her? My hubby said ‘next time she asks for help, tell her to contact the brother’
I understand she’s grieving for my DD, but still I find this hard to accept.

I hope you won't be spiteful about this, as your husband suggested. That will not change anything other than to make things worse. I doubt it will make you feel better; your mother is no doubt already sad about the distance between everyone and your brother. Do your really want to add to this?

He's her son. It is her will. What has it got to do with you? You are not "entitled" to anything. How did you come to hear about her will at the reading of your father's? It is none of your business and should be between your mother and her solicitor.

A parents love for their child should be unconditional.

Chardy.
I was lucky enough to see the painting of The Prodigal Son at the Heritage museum a few years ago. It struck me then, probably as a parent that I really did get it! I’d never thought about it before but looking at that painting brought it home. Nobody will turn away from their child when there is a chance.

Inner peace is happiness 😆

Indeed, there is no point in fretting.

Sago

You say your brother will be left a substantial amount of money when your Mother passes
I think my late brothers wife thought this and was expecting a big chunk when she died.
She hadn’t bargained on years of nursing home fees!

Sago said it more succinctly than me!

Germanshepherdsmum

Leave her alone. Despite the estrangement she still loves her son. I understand how upsetting it is for you and your other brother but she’s trying to make it clear that her love for each of you is unconditional. Your estranged brother will get his just desserts when he has to cope with receiving a gift from his mother at a time when he can no longer make peace with her.

I agree.

I will just add that no-one knows if they might need to pay for residential and/or nursing care one day.
You are coping now, Annie1962 but you don't know if you may not be to meet all your mother's needs at any future point.
All her money may be swallowed up in care fees anyway so there will be nothing to leave anyone.

Thanks for all your comments and advice, I have read everyone, I will take what you’ve all said on board! It’s hard, but I’ll rise above it all, at the end of the day I don’t need the money, any future inheritance I get I will give to my children/grandchildren, they need it more than I do, I do support them and buy them things they can’t afford or we give money for their savings etc. I’m genuinely a happy accepting kind of person, so live and let live, can’t change it, so get in with it 😆
Inner peace is happiness 😆

Firstly Annie1962 I totally understand where you are coming from. You are a good daughter. As a kid, I never understood the Prodigal Son.
But please think about where your mother is coming from. For many years her beautiful boy has not wanted to have anything to do with her. That would break the heart of any mum. Perhaps by cutting him out of her will, that would compound her silent pain.
As a mother, I now understand the Prodigal Son, you love your kids no matter what.

I’m one of four. Two of us provided most of the support for our mum… one provided most of it ( not me). That was my mum’s plan as far as I could tell.
We all inherited exactly a quarter of the estate. That seems fair to me as she was all of our mum, and it was really from our Dad too, who had died decades before.
But I get how you can be so used up at the moment that it can make you feel that it’s unfair.
Sending you 💐 and a hug

It is what it is....I do everything for my mum ...my brother flits in maybe twice a year....it was once last year....he will inherit half... thats what my mum wants...he's still her little boy. .
.even though she knows he's a waste of space.....my brother is loaded so the money he gets will mean nothing...but there you go .....as long as my mums happy im not bothered

You say your brother will be left a substantial amount of money when your Mother passes
I think my late brothers wife thought this and was expecting a big chunk when she died.
She hadn’t bargained on years of nursing home fees!

Your mum loved nurtured and brought up three children she needs to express that love in her will whether all three were good bad or whatever It may not seem fair to you or your younger brother but it is fair to your mum and will give her peace of mind

She has three children not two and all three in my opinion should be treated equally whether they deserve it or not

your mum did right. She brought three babies into the world and it is good that she will treat all three equally in her will. It is the last thing she can do for all of you

She must be happy, the way you have turned out and also the brother who visits. No point fretting over what you perceive as unfair, an expectation is surely not why we help our parents

Perhaps my saying ‘leave her alone’ comes across in a bullying way, which I didn’t mean. I just meant don’t upset Mum by criticising the way she’s decided to make her will. Generally it gives people peace to know that they have done what they believe to be the right thing. It is their final and lasting expression of love and forgiveness.

In most other countries, there would be no choice. Children are entitled to their equal share irrespective of their relationship to the deceased.

Same happened with my brother- he never did anything for our parents- but got what was due to him. A friend in France had a brother who had disappeared without trace. They had to wait 2 years to sell the house, and then put his share in a special account, just in case he would one day turn up, or a child of his.

It really is up to her what she does with her money.

I can imagine how galling it is to think of how he does nothing, and you do a lot, but it often happens that way.

Think of the Prodigal Son!

Germanshepherdsmum

Leave her alone. Despite the estrangement she still loves her son. I understand how upsetting it is for you and your other brother but she’s trying to make it clear that her love for each of you is unconditional. Your estranged brother will get his just desserts when he has to cope with receiving a gift from his mother at a time when he can no longer make peace with her.

Totally this....although I can understand how you feel about it. Your mum will no doubt need you more than ever, given her loss and although you say, you 'always say what I think', there are times when honesty without compassion can become closer to brutality.