Your brother has never ‘shifted for himself’ and has no inclination to do so now. This property is two thirds not his! If you let this drift on, everyone is getting older, the property is getting older and in time, the next generation will have to sort out the mess. How will they tackle it - an old, perhaps infirm, stubborn, angry man who needs care? They won’t thank you!
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Legal, pensions and money
Brother living in inherited house, banning sibling from visiting, probate
(103 Posts)Hi...
My father died last year, left his house (no mortgage) equally between his 3 offspring , with my sister 43 and brother 32 as executors. My brother has never left the family home, and has I think only worked maybe 3 years in his life, when he was around 20...has never studied, volunteered or travelled. Not sure what he does with his life actually... nothing criminal, not an alcoholic, etc....just a bit of a loner. He also was not my Dad´s carer as my Dad was very healthy and able up until his death.
Thing is, my Dad left a little note, signed by himself ( not as part of his will) stating that my brother can ´stay in the house, rent free, only paying household bills, for as long as he wants´!!
My sister & I are pretty sure throughout his life, he barely contributed anything for rent to my Dad, or to cover bills...so of course he is taking full advantage of this continued rent free situation ( lovely, 3 bed semi, with a garage and garden) , and banned us from the home since 3 weeks after the funeral. He calls it ´his home!´
A solicitor has already said the note is not legally valid, but my sister and I decided to honour Dad´s wishes for a ´while´, ideally 1 year, to give our brother time to find his direction & find his own , 1st home, something not so difficult, as we are set to inherit around 100 thousand each from Dad´s house.
He also started a legal case against my sister, stating he cannot complete probate, as she lied about not owing Dad any money. (not true) The brother has spent almost 1 year now, searching around Dad´s rather muddled financial receipts, looking for any scrap of paper that may suggest any loans took place, even going back to 2004!.... He seems to hold some kind of vendetta against my sister, as she often tried to gently bring up when visiting, his lack of ambition, travel, work, even volunteering....and also not paying rent.
The younger brother states that attempting to visit him , in his home would be seen as ´harrassment & intimidation`!!
I can honestly say that Dad would be weeping, to see how things are, not even 1 year after his passing!
My sister has a husband , both working full time, and 2 children, just starting Uni.
I live in a small, rented place, have always worked too, often 2 jobs, and travel a lot.
For us both, this amount of money could make a massive difference in our lives, but we are equally frustrated and at a loss of what to do, without destroying what relationship we may have still, or being seen as vultures.
Plus, I don´t know how he handles real life, and stress, etc...but he seems to be happily prolonging everything for the sake of it, with the solicitor case against my sister, etc.
The main and deeply upsetting thing is what my brother has become....and that we can´t visit my late Dad´s home, for memories and to handle our grieving processes...
When I write sweetly to him, or send gifts, he mainly just ignores me.
Does anyone have any ideas how to progress? Thanks!!!!
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Gudrun
Subject:
Brother living in inherited house, banning sibling from visiting, probate
Message:
Hi...
My father died last year, left his house (no mortgage) equally between his 3 offspring , with my sister 43 and brother 32 as executors. My brother has never left the family home, and has I think only worked maybe 3 years in his life, when he was around 20...has never studied, volunteered or travelled. Not sure what he does with his life actually... nothing criminal, not an alcoholic, etc....just a bit of a loner. He also was not my Dad´s carer as my Dad was very healthy and able up until his death.
Thing is, my Dad left a little note, signed by himself ( not as part of his will) stating that my brother can ´stay in the house, rent free, only paying household bills, for as long as he wants´!!
My sister & I are pretty sure throughout his life, he barely contributed anything for rent to my Dad, or to cover bills...so of course he is taking full advantage of this continued rent free situation ( lovely, 3 bed semi, with a garage and garden) , and banned us from the home since 3 weeks after the funeral. He calls it ´his home!´
A solicitor has already said the note is not legally valid, but my sister and I decided to honour Dad´s wishes for a ´while´, ideally 1 year, to give our brother time to find his direction & find his own , 1st home, something not so difficult, as we are set to inherit around 100 thousand each from Dad´s house.
He also started a legal case against my sister, stating he cannot complete probate, as she lied about not owing Dad any money. (not true) The brother has spent almost 1 year now, searching around Dad´s rather muddled financial receipts, looking for any scrap of paper that may suggest any loans took place, even going back to 2004!.... He seems to hold some kind of vendetta against my sister, as she often tried to gently bring up when visiting, his lack of ambition, travel, work, even volunteering....and also not paying rent.
The younger brother states that attempting to visit him , in his home would be seen as ´harrassment & intimidation`!!
I can honestly say that Dad would be weeping, to see how things are, not even 1 year after his passing!
My sister has a husband , both working full time, and 2 children, just starting Uni.
I live in a small, rented place, have always worked too, often 2 jobs, and travel a lot.
For us both, this amount of money could make a massive difference in our lives, but we are equally frustrated and at a loss of what to do, without destroying what relationship we may have still, or being seen as vultures.
Plus, I don´t know how he handles real life, and stress, etc...but he seems to be happily prolonging everything for the sake of it, with the solicitor case against my sister, etc.
The main and deeply upsetting thing is what my brother has become....and that we can´t visit my late Dad´s home, for memories and to handle our grieving processes...
When I write sweetly to him, or send gifts, he mainly just ignores me.
Does anyone have any ideas how to progress? Thanks!!!!
I'd follow the advice of GSM and Cabbie. Experts.
Thank you so much for all your help & advice & comments....one last question.
Things are kind of escalating again. What happens when my brother now writes, through his solicitor that my sister ( co executor) should give up her role as executor, or he will take it to court, and have her removed!?
In his his letter from his solicitor, it states that this this will be funded from the estate of my father. ( not yet in probate thanks to the everlasting stalling of my brother)
I´m only a beneficiary, but also the next executor, should my sister be removed!
Shouldn´t my brother have contacted me?... 1. to say I could be asked to step up to the executor role soon
and 2. do I consent to my share of the estate of my beloved Dad being spent/ wasted on his personal grudge against my sister?!
What´s actually to stop him from starting a legal case every few months, and charging it to the estate??!!
Or... does that mean, the house has to be sold immediately to pay the legal fees....? & does that come from his share or from the whole thing?! How is that fair and can I do anything?
My sister has a lawyer at last....she had to save funds, very expensive.
What generally happens in these cases of trying to remove an executor? I´ve read it costs around 15 thousand. Shouldn´t he have advised me 1st? Is it fair, or does the court just go along with it, and remove the accused executor for no reason?
Thank you!!! xx
this is why you need a solicitor.
if you had a broken leg would you try to get by hopping around .
I'm sorry you are in such a predicament Gudrun it must be upsetting and frustrating for you and your sister.
I can only agree with everyone else that you need professional help to sort this out.
An executor cannot be removed without good reason. I don’t understand your statement that you are the next executor. That is only the case if you are named in the will as an executor. Your sister needs advice from her solicitor about the threat to apply for her to be removed. Probably an idle threat and another attempt to delay matters, as your brother can’t afford to carry the threat through unless he has been stealing your father’s money. I suggest you go along with her to see her solicitor. There’s no point in your appointing another lawyer. Time for your sister’s solicitor to get tough and threaten to have your brother removed as he is not fulfilling his duties as an executor - quite the opposite.
And no, the house can’t be sold without probate having been granted. And no solicitor is going to act for your brother without being paid.
Lawyer time, OP
Take GSM advice.
What's this man's mental state? Sounds as if he is rather paranoid
?? Contact his gp? Expressing concern. He sounds a vulnerable lonely character having suffered the loss of his father.
And perhaps citizens advice bureau.
But yes, GSM's right.
Good legal advice is what you need.
Time to get him to account for his activities. Apply for an order that he exhibits an inventory and account in respect of the administration. This should be done by applying to the Probate Registry by a claim form supported by an affidavit.'
you´re right, I know. My sister has finally appointed a lawyer, but it´s taken some time for us to get the funds together.
I was only writing here to look for first hand experience of how things may play out. Thanks
Hi again, and thanks for writing. Dad´s will states that I am an executor in the case that the forementioned appointed executors ( my brother & sister) are unwilling or can´t act.
But is he allowed to randomly start legal cases and charge them to the estate..?? Also without my consent?
What´s to stop him from dragging this out with fanciful & expensive legal cases and accusations, & bleeding my father´s estate and funds dry?!...
I know! hopefully a lawyer.
And, if his solicitor officially writes that the costs will be met by from the estate...is that even fair to us??...would that mean that the house would have to be sold as soon as possible, obviously after probate?
I guess it could be a blessing in disguise, if it means it clears the whole thing up, albeit it not how any of us wished.
Thanks again.
We can’t answer your questions. Your sister’s solicitor can.
Thank you all.
I don’t agree that a note from your father will be taken seriously, but no one here can advise, go to a solicitor and find out your rights, I don’t know whether you can get 1/2 hour free legal advise with Citizens advice, you and all your sibling could do it separately. I would also get on to your home insurance legal department to see if they can advise. I had to pay to have a letter legally enforceable put with my will.
Allsorts. OP said her father's will states that she should be an executer if the need arises. Not a note with the will.
All advice from Citizens Advice is free.
We cannot give legal advice in complex cases like this and would immediately signpost you to a list of solicitors. My bureau’s website has a list of local solicitors; I guess most do.
Hi everyone, I came across this forum whilst searching for advice. Gudrun how are things going?
I can totally relate. Unfortunately I'm going through something similar - I thought you were talking about my brother!
However my mum's will specified that he could stay in the house for ten years. We're in the process of completing probate. Thankfully they mentioned that he previously received a large amount of mum's money from one of her banks, as he conveniently failed to tell me this. I'm worried now what else he's hiding and keeping. I also worry about him losing the house within the next 10 years due to not being able to pay the bills, his credit cards, loans etc. Plus the house is already in a state.
Just to reassure you that I can understand what you're going through, and how life seems unfair - we're working so hard for our families and dealing with the struggles of life whilst our brothers are carefree.
Is this any better yet Gudrun?
What has occurred since April?
Hey, thank you so much for your story, and for writing...
to be honest, I´ve all but given up!
My sister ( the joint executor) has a pretty expensive, apparently good lawyer....but from what I gather, he is not making any progress...he seems to be sending pointless letters, and not addressing the supposed loan that my sister had....or simply taking the case to a probate court!!
I wrote a kind of swan song to my brother....not mentioning the house, probate, the will, anything, but simply wishing him health and happiness, urging him to serve, to play his part in society, to treasure his life, travel, be loved, and to not waste the life our parents gave him.
I didn´t state it, but in my head, that´s it ...at least until he behaves honestly and wants to be my brother again.
I care about him deeply, and will send a card on Christmas and Birthdays, but I´ve stopped asking to visit, or even to visit Dad´s home. Mainly because it´s way too late now! I can only imagine what state the house and garden is in now...and it will no longer bring me in a sweet, reflective place to remember , and feel close to my Dad!
I visited the grave by myself in August....I spent time there, spoke to him, and felt pretty much at peace. I went past the top of the street in the car, but didn´t visit the church or Dad´s house....unbelievable how things are now! So wrong, so selfish, so cruel....and so disrespectful to Dad!!!
I wish my brother had at least the compassion to have said after the funeral to us...
look, I am gonna turn into a right dick tomorrow! You will no longer set foot in this house , etc....so you better have a good look around, do your greiving now, and take whateever you might want, to have special memories!!!
Not even his grandchildren have been allowed to visit!!!! And that´s not the cruelest thing ever, then I just don´t know!
What I don´t understand is....why my sister is allowing her lawyer to pussyfoot around him!! I mean, couldn´t he be removed as executor simply for his behaviour??
I thought there was such a thing as an executor´s year!
Both executors have failed to supply any kind of progress , or accounts of what is being spent, etc to me, the only outside beneficiary of Dad´s estate!
Isn´t that illegal?
I also have a dreadful fear that Dad´s house is being spent on lawyers´ fees ....and if that is the case, I will just weep!!!!
not sure if I also mentioned it but....
my sister said that in one of the last letters from my brother´s solicitor....
my private Whatsapp messages were used , without my knowledge or consent ( not sure what about, and why...I don´t especially want to know!) and it was stated that I had threatened to FORGE the probate application!
Now this is obviously 100% untrue! even if I wanted to..?? how could I , as I´m not an executor, and also it´s almost laughable as why would I share this information??!
If I was attemting to hack your bank account...would I tell you?! Madness....but also, the more I think about it....potentially very serious, if it was taken seriously! I mean, that defamation of character, libel and could actually lead to serious actions against me, right??!
1. I have not spoken to my brother since the funeral, I have not phoned him...well I tried many times but he never answers! and I checked all my emails and messages ...just incase I actually wrote something in a greiving or drunken state!! ...but of course nothing!
I think he´s done this so my chances of stepping up to be the joint executor are destroyed. If he can have my sister removed, as is his dream, then I am to be the replacement ( as stated in the will)
I just hate, and cannot understand his behaviour!
so selfish, so cruel...especially towards Dad´s grandchildren! so lazy, so entitled, so dishonest and greedy!
...and so damaging and dehabilitating to our greiving proccesses!!!
I need to just accept that that was it! I have to continue my own grieving proccess, treasure my memories, my very few things that I have from the last visit to the home... 2 vases, a book, some photos, his wedding ring. That´s it!!!!
And, I need to stay close to my sister and her family, and my loved ones.
I of course wish nothing but happiness and health for my brother, but when he started lying and spreading libel about me to lawyers and especially Dad´s friends...well that was it for us, I´m afraid!
I can´t afford a lawyer at all, especially financially but also emotionally!
I have no savings , no property to remortgage, no car to sell...
But I do have a nice life with many loved ones, pretty good health ( apart from a cancer scare and preventative operation this year)...and a pretty honest heart. So it´s much more important to concentrate on happiness, travel, health and loved ones for me!!!
Thank you!
Wishing you luck too!
@NotSpaghetti
thanks for writing NotSpaghetti.....no, basically nothing has happened except for me being accused of threatening to criminally forge the probate application....and me just giving up and distancing myself from the whole thing.
I´m pretty sure he wanted the letter to my sister to be shared with me, so I would predictably blow up. Why have you shared my private Whatsapp messages and that is not true, the criminal act that you´re accusing me of!!!
But thankfully I thought ahead, was pretty smart and said nothing as this is exactly what he wants and expects!
Then he would start a case against me, I would have to pay for legal advice, and that too would drag on for years, and drain my credit, and he would no doubt use Dad´s estate again to pay for his legal costs!
I´m not playing that game, mate!
You know that fine feeling when someone is picking a fight with you, shouting, accusing , and angry...and you just walk away or speak softly?! They hate it. It´s a very powerful feeling!
Thanks for asking. Best wishes to you
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