My neighbour is telling lies about me. What can I do?

There's a lot to be said for keeping yourself to yourself and not getting too involved with neighbours. I've always been friendly and pleasant but I've never been the 'pop in for a coffee' sort. They may think I'm stand- offish but that suits me, I've never had any trouble as a consequence

I keep myself to myself. Sometimes talk to neighbours who talk to me but never engage with anyone. If someone tries to go too deep, I am telling them bye, too busy etc

all this having in mind we have a criminal shady guy who is in police custody and all he does is basically criminally based. He tried to make other neighbours hate each other, but his image was plastered all over town and fb with his previous criminal records. People do not buy his lies. He is known to be the biggest liar of them all.

Someone has already mentioned Age Concern: they can also help with fitting a chain to the door (re post about opening the door to her) and advise on other security measures.
Doing something actively to protect yourself is a great psychological boost.

Crossstitchfan

My goodness, Monica! You must have been terrified. That’s horrendous. There are some seriously warped people in this world!

This is why Aely has all my sympathy.

I wasn't so much terrified as irritated - and really cross about the wing mirror. Getting a new one fitted was expensive when money was tight.

My goodness, Monica! You must have been terrified. That’s horrendous. There are some seriously warped people in this world!

Crossstitchfan

Is this real? I’ve never read anything so odd in my life!

I have experience of similar happenings. We moved house when our children were very young and in the first couple of days, chatting to one of the neighbours, She said, 'I must give you warnng about the lady living opposite you. Do not under any circumstances accept any offers of babysitting. If she gets in your house alone she will be looking at all your private papers, inspecting your bedroom, she will also make silent calls. My DH travelled to work with the son of an elderly lady, who was this other woman's neighbour. She had had eggs and other soft messy rubbish thrown against the windows at the back of the house, plus of course the silent calls.

The house was a project, so when the children were having their afternoon nap I would go out the front doing exterior decorating or just general garden maintenance - and the moment I got outside the phone would ring and it would be a silent phone call. In the end I ignored all telephone calls when I was at the front of the house. They soon stopped.

For us the final event was one evening when we were sitting quietly in the living room when we heard the sound of broken glass outside, we rushed out to find the wing mirror on the pavement side of our parked caar had been smashed and as we looked I heard the slight click of her closing front door. We walked up and down the street and there was no one else about or hiding, and we discovered later that she had done this because she considered that when we parked outside our own home her husband had to be slightly more careful when he turned out of his drive. Shortly after that she was sectioned and spent some months in a mental health unit.

Dont engage, don't say anything that can be misconstrued as gossip, also don't use any passive aggresive language like what you said about the dog to this ladies Grandson.
I would report all the aggression and stories this neighbour has said but not give her any ammunition.
If you engage you are enabling and that is on you.

I think I meant manic depression now known as Bi-polar?

Oh I am sorry, misinformed again.
I only know it is very bad and very unsettling for all affected.
The OP’s neighbour may well be ill but it doesn’t affect how OP is troubled greatly by the behaviour.
The person known by me has behaved horrendously to neighbours who have done nothing but try to help them.

Sorry to argue Usedtobeblond but schizophrenia and bi polar are not the same thing at all they are two different conditions

Is this real? I’ve never read anything so odd in my life!

Sadly Sago we have someone like this in our extended family.
I could write a book about their extreme behaviour.
They are under the care of the local Psychiatric team and when taking the meds can be quite normal, but when they decide not to take them it is a nightmare for family and neighbours.
It is diagnosed as Bi-polar disorder, previously known as Schizophrenia.
They have been sectioned twice and on model behaviour when in the unit but once out and meds are dropped it all starts again.
It is incredibly stressful and sad for nearest and dearest.

This…

You are still engaging with her Aely after all the advice given so really you are as much to blame as she is
Monica has given you good advice you DO NOT under any circumstance speak, hug, offer a drink, sit her down or do anything at all with this lady as it will ALL be misinterpreted
Next she ll say the hug was a sexual come on and the cup of tea will have been poisoned etc etc
You really do have to cut all acknowledgement of her ….in the garden, the porch, the street or it will all be turned around against you
Keep your diary of the times she knocks or tries to speak to you but DO NOT engage
If you haven’t got a spy glass in the door look thorough the letter box or nearest window

Aely, slander is illegal. Whether the woman is mentally ill or not is beside the point that slander is illegal for a reason; it's dangerous.

Take MOnica's advice.

Aely, do not speak to this neighbour at all. if anyone comes to the door, open it a crack and if it is her, close it again - and log it as an incident in your diary. Ignore her when she speaks to you in the garden and blank her in the street. But if she says or does anything, note it down.

While you respond to her she can misreport and say you responded negatively and threatened her. Just do not respond at all. Shut the door, walk straight by, do not say anything.

I don't have a spy-hole in my front door and the door window is "Privacy glazed", so I opened the door to her this morning. She was in tears, wanting to reconcile (according to her), possibly hoping I would withdraw my complaint? I sat her in my porch, said I was not being vindictive and hoped she would accept any help that was offered (By the Police!? No, perhaps a Psychiatrist). We gave each other a hug and off she went. I had a cuppa and started work in my front garden. Ten minutes later she turned up with my old friend (now her new best friend), from up the road who started berating me about "accusing poor M... of having teenagers in her house (for sexual purposes)". I said she had it the wrong way round. M... said she hadn't. Things started to get heated so I took Police advice, excused myself and went inside to calls of "you are running away because you know we are right". My answer "Just following Police advice" as I went in.

Later I had two approaches across the garden fence. One was ridiculous with her claiming she had hoped old friend and I could make up. One harmless if a little strange in parts but mostly about gardening.

Final knock on front door, while I was cooking my dinner tonight, was to ask what other neighbour (cadging cooking fat/oil 2 minutes previously) had said. She thought he had muttered something as he passed her house. How the @#*/ would I know?

I have logged the convos in the diary I have started - as I don't have a smart phone (which the Police suggested for recording).

Hopefully, tomorrow will bring no unwelcome visitors, just the mobility scooter doctor, who will attempt to diagnose and cure my poorly scooter.
I will now keep the diary updated as necessary and wait for the Police to do whatever they plan to do.

Thanks for the advice offered and the understanding comments. Don't worry, I have no intention of giving a daily run-down but if you are interested in the final outcome, keep an eye out. It might take some time though.

The fact that the police have responded so promptly makes it clear that she has a history and is already known to them. It also means that no one is going to believe the accusations she makes. And people with deranged minds like this will never accept help because they do not see themselves as needing it.

It is clear that it is not just you but other people she is making these wild accusations about. I think that as well as the police you need to complain regularly to the housing association , so that they have the evidence of constant complaints from neighbours to move her on again. Encourage your neighbours to complain to the housing association and the police and keep doing it. The more people who complain to the police and housing association, the sooner she will be moved.

I would also speak to Age Uk aout your problems. They may be able to put you in contact with people away from the sitution who can offer you help and support.

Meanwhile, ignore her. If she speaks to you, starts to abuse you, do not say a word, just turn on your heel and walk away, go into the house, do not answer the door when you know it is her. No matter what she does says, just do not engage with her. You have neighbours who are ssuffering as you are, so few will believe any of her accusations, anymore than you believe any of the accusations against your neighbours.

I just wish she had accepted the Psychiatric help she was offered a while back, but like my late husband, who was an alcoholic for years, she thinks it is everybody else who has the problem, not her. My dear departed didn't accept help until he woke up in hospital having been near death - and even then it took a bit of persuasion. The end result was that he enjoyed his final years - sober.

My guess is she will get bounced again.

In the case I knew[not the same scenario I know], the Police were just waiting for an opportunity, to move the person along again.

Yes, I have seen the op post a few times before. So genuine, as far as I know.

There's a similar situation in a village near where l live and it's causing huge problems for people. As the OP says the person concerned is just bounced from neighbourhood to neighbourhood, wreaking havoc wherever they go.

Sago

Don’t be sucked in, I think it’s Jackanory time.

Aely has posted before. Maybe use research before your psychic powers

Some odd folk out there, that's sure.
My old Boss had a odd neighbour, (they lived in a Cul de Sac) this woman, had a personal vendetta against an old chap, who lived in the close, so she used to get up very early in the morning after the milkman had been. She would go around everyones house taking the Milk, then putting them all outside of this old chaps front door, he had dozens of bottles of milk by his his door .
She then apprently accused him of theft...
Needless to say, she eventually got Medical help.

Sago, why would I make something like that up? Are you trolling? I had hoped I would not encounter trolls on this site.

I have spoken to the Police. Someone will be here to see me tomorrow. The two incidents (me and the other neighbour's) have been officially linked. They are taking it seriously.

All quiet here.

The thing is Sago ( and I get what you’re saying) there really are people like that around.Mum had a near neighbour once who made life hell for everyone until she was moved by the Council.🤬