Advice about joint bank account after DH taken into long term care

First of all you need the right people to advise you. If you have a joint bank account you can get an appointment with the manager of tge bank and explain the situation.. I know when my husband died I had my name taken off our joint account and then the account was in my sole name, so yours will be fine I think,. He has gone for a six week assessment, notify the payment department where his payments come from after that assessment, but try not to touch the benefits until you are sorted. You need the help, you should be entitled to money in your own right if your husband is to remain in hospital, then you can get work and dirt out your finances,. Ask the hospital if they have someone to help you.
Hopefully someone who has experience of your sutuatiin will read your post and be of help..
It makes me annoyed there isn't anyone to help you, ,everything is on line these days, you need a person.
I am so sorry after all your love and care for each other you have this worry. What a dreadful illness to have and you know all his anger isn't the real him, it's the condition.

Banking law is a minefield for ordinary people. My son specialises in it. I suggest you contact a lawyer who can advise on the best way forward. My sympathy to you

Thank you Allsorts. I do have a good family around me and believe me I have researched all the online resources I can find. My problem is I really don’t seem to be able to take any of the information in. It’s just all jumbled up in my head. I’m hoping that someone with some personal experience will be able to offer advice. Many thanks for your kind words.

sankev - my heart goes out to you - I went through exactly this situation - my husband eventually died 5 years ago.

I realise that I am never actually going to get my kind caring husband back. - this jumped out at me and tugged at my heart. I remember this so well. and he too thought I was trying to murder him - he also lost a lot of the normal social niceties and restraints that determine human relationships and some of his behaviour towards e was very unacceptable. He had Parkinsons and became out of touch with reality following hip surgery after a fall. Everything was tried but there was no going back.

When the time comes for long term care please take all the help on offer. Age UK is a wonderful resource for advice on all aspects of this situation - please give them a ring and explain your situation and they will help.

The financials can be complicated unless you know the system and they do.

I had a joint bank account with my husband and it made life massively easier. I just continued to use the account as before and the bank did not even know that anything had changed. After his death they were very helpful indeed over what needed doing.

I am sending you a heartfelt hug - I hope you have some family or friends around you as well. Everyone is so tied up in the practical issues that the emotional toll on a partner gets pushed into the background - but I do truly understand. Take care.

What also needs saying is that you must take care of yourself. My passion is singing and I used family or carers so that I could continue to run a choir once and week and attend choral society rehearsals. These were sacrosanct and written in stone - nothing stopped these. It kept me sane. You cannot let his care become all of your life. The kind man you have described would not want that.

I too would advise contacting Age UK. in these tragic circumstances.

Here is a link to all the Factsheets they do. Several could be of use to you www.ageuk.org.uk/services/information-advice/guides-and-factsheets/ But give them a phone call. All local branches of Age UK have information centres and call numbers. Their number will be online.

When my husband was no longer capable I just continued to use the joint bank account as normal. It was an either or signature not a both signatures needed account, which obviously makes a massive difference.

After he died it was just transferred to my name only.

I don’t think the bank account as such is a concern but if there are no benefits going in and direct debits etc still going out that is a worry.

Some banks/building societies like Nationwide do have people you can talk to in situations like this but most of the big banks don’t have bank managers any more. It depends who you’re with.

Thank you all for the kind words. Just talking to people who have been in a similar situation is such a big help to me emotionally. My family has been excellent but they are all going through their own emotions. I definitely will seek advice from Age Concern. I’ve checked out the website but I can’t seem to digest the words I’m reading. I think an actual conversation would probably sink in easier. Again thank you all.

My mum was in a similar position with Dad. He always had to have at least a few notes in his wallet but was forever losing it. We got toy money and put that in and he was happy. Not lot of help but you may have to take it a bit further and make sure he has an upto date copy of a bank acc statement but just change the date. sorry not a lot of help.

If DH was in hospital for 6 weeks or more his benefits will have reduced if not stopped. Sure you are aware DWP have to be informed of his admissions to hospital and care home. As to joint bank account tgere shoukd be no problem you having changed solely to your name. When my DH died I did that with no problem. Credit card issued on the account was dealt with by a new card being issued. You have been dealing with a lot of very stressful situations. Look after yourself.

Get in contact with UK age concern or Citizens advice.

As a Retired Bank Manager, my advice is to continue to use the joint account as normal. There is no need to amend anything at the Bank until your husband is deceased.

Seek advice from DWP re advising timescales re hospitalisations or care home placement re benefits received presently.

Also re any benefits you may be entitled too.

You will need details of any savings, bills etc etc.

Age UK are very helpful as is your local Social Security department whether in Scotland, England or Wales.

If you google your local council area you should find telephone numbers etc.

Going forward regarding absence of Power of Attorney please seek legal advice in conjunction with do you have a joint will? etc etc.

Having lost my husband in 2007 from a personal perspective, please also make time for your self care.
Accept assistance from family as required and/or a close trusted friend.

I’m sorry that you are in thus position and hope the above helps.

Sorry to hear about the very sad situation with your husband.

I dont want to upset at all. But you may need to start thinking about a sorting out a Will, a prepaid Funeral Plan and a Lasting Power of Attorney to make sure you eveything is covered for you.

Also find out from the Land Registry whose name any property you have is registered in

Good Solicitors often have Will Writing and LPA applcation services at fixed prices

Even if you don't have a lot of assets or money.

Please get this matters sorted out soonish.

All the Best
😻

My husband was in hospital with delirium and possible frontal lobe dementia last year. He went into rehab where they more or less said I wouldn't be able to cope with him at home. Regardless I had him back and he improved considerably. There are some changes, ie lack of consideration for me and my situation and he can be childlike and demanding at times, but basically he can manage day to day living, plus social life. I'm not saying you are in the same situation at all but that it is worth making sure that there is no way back before you commit to care. It may be that is your only option and if so you have my heartfelt sympathy and I hope that you will get the help and support that you need in this terrible time. Thinking of you.

I suggest you contact the hospital social work team ( if the hospital still has them, sometimes they refer out to a district team.) Unless your husband is to remain in hospital, thé medical and discharge planning staff (might be a social worker) will be looking to create a discharge plan after this assessment period, for your husbands longer term needs. All of this will take time. .

So sorry to read your post sankev………you must be feeling so lost and torn. Please speak to a solicitor to get advice on getting matters in order. There are also charities who assist with benefit claims etc so don’t feel that you’re on your own.

You need to discuss this with your bank manager and the hospital your husband is in should have a social worker who can advise you as well.

Do not continue with a joint account! These are frozen when one holder dies and the other is only able to access the money in the joint account after probate has been granted.

I do not know, but I suspect a joint account may be frozen upon a person being declared mentally incompetent.

Open an account in your own name immediately and notify the source of your income, (employer or pensions office) that all payments from now on are to be paid into it.

I don't live in Britain, so I do not know if you can legally transfer any money from the joint account now into an account in your name. Your bank will know this, so get onto them as soon as humanly possible.

Find out from a solicitor whether you can cancel subscriptions in your husband's name to magazines, clubs etc that he no longer is able to enjoy.And discuss the terms of your husband's will with a solicitor now, as he is no longer competent to change it, or make one, if he never has done so, so you need to know how you and your children will be placed.

I am so sorry to hear of this dreadful illness - you are right that the paranoia is part of his illness. Sadly, such paranoia usually is directed quite unreasonably at the patient's spouse. Try not to take it to heart, but I know this is nearly impossible.

I hope your adult children are a help to you in this sad trial for you all.

As AuntieE say, she does not live in England.

Joint accounts in England are not frozen when one person dies. A death certificate is all that is needed to transfer the account to the remaining holder.

Illness (of any kind) is only a problem if both signatures are required on a withdrawal.

Please don’t let her post cause you worry or panic you into closing your account.

Perhaps you would like to check this AuntieE and post a withdrawal to reassure sankev?

You can have your own account. DH and I have a joint account and individual accounts too. In fact, I have several bank accounts for separate things. Yes, DH knows about them and also exactly how much, or rather how little I have in each.

After a lot of family discussions we have decided to at least try to get him home with a care package in place because I honestly don’t think he will survive very long unless we do. They are beginning some psychiatric medication because of the delirium which they think has caused a psychosis. I’m hoping that bringing him home may help him settle because he is such a tormented soul at the moment and seems so lost. I understand how difficult it is going to be and I don’t actually expect any improvement towards me but I am hoping it will help him relax. Thanks to all of you for the advice and kind words and it has helped me not only deal with the immediate situation but also plan for future problems. All your advice is greatly appreciated.

Do not continue with a joint account! These are frozen when one holder dies and the other is only able to access the money in the joint account after probate has been granted. - this is not true! I continued drawing on our joint account until he died and then took the death cert to the bank and they took his name off the account. Simple.

sankev - I am glad that you have been able to make a decision with your family. I hope that the plan has factored in time for you to go out and enjoy yourself - it is very very important and needs to be part of the care plan - care for you matters too! A burnt out carer cannot be a good carer! Living with someone who has changed personality and does not behave normally towards you is an incredible strain. It is very easy to become so focussed in handling this awful dilemma that you get lost.

I hope very much that it works out, but if there comes a point where you need to look at residential or nursing care, please do not see it as a failure. People's needs change over time and it is important to respond to these changes.

I managed my husband at home for a long time, but he did in the end go to a nursing home which we selected with great care. The moment was right. I knew I had done my best with care at home and could arrange this move with a clear conscience as I knew they could meet his needs better than I at that point.

I am sending positive thoughts and lots of good wishes.

Many thanks Luckygirl3. Your positive thoughts are very much appreciated. I am obviously focused on the situation I find myself in at the moment but I am conscious that I need some respite and a little time to myself. It’s something I think I will factor into the overall plan.

sankev
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation and you are in my thoughts.
I used to work for Citizens Advice and we often helped people in your situation so I would strongly advise you to make an appointment with your local branch. They should be able to advise you on benefits and point you in the right direction for other issues. They will certainly also make phone calls or write letters for you if you don’t feel up to doing them yourself. One piece of advice, take as much paperwork such as bank statements, benefit letter etc. with you as they will probably need these so it would save time. You will feel so much better if you get all these things sorted out. Keep your chin up.

Empty the joint account into your own savings, leaving only enough for the direct debits. If they start looking for care home fees, then half of it will be considered his. Same with any joint savings - do it NOW before he gets committed.

Get expert help with the long and complex forms for care home costs and do not take no for an answer - you do hear stories about some councils refusing cost for care or being niggly about what they pay or will not.