Do You Wish You'd Spent More When Younger

Since being on my own and having a set amount of pension every month I have been extremely careful with my money.

I own my modest home outright and run a small car but my lifestyle is far from extravagant. This year I decided to have my first proper holiday since Covid. I am now in debt for the first time in years, but have figured what's good for the goose...

I used to be in flat panic about hanging on to my savings but now realise there is no point and so I am going to begin to spend a little while I can, even if it means I have to sell my house to pay for my care home fees...

No. I spent all my salary before marrying so ....I am preparing now money for retirement including an adult child whose launch I cannot predict right now

Wer’e both reluctant to spend the far from a fortune we have saved over the past 56 years. We’ve had modest holidays in the past and now mostly short breaks. Our children are encouraging - pressurising - us to just do what we want, no matter the cost. Will we? The jury is out. It’s hard to undo the years of caution.

Like most people we did not have a lot of money when we first married, As our careers progressed we were able to take holidays abroad, update our car etc. We have always been savers and are definitely more cautious with our money as we age. Mr J's health prevents us from going abroad but we are quite happy to take holidays in the UK when we can or to go out for days. We don't eat out as much as we used to as it has become expensive. We are however very content with our lives and what we have achieved.

I'd turn that round and rephrase it as "Do I wish I'd had enough money to spend when younger?"

Answer = yes I do.

Thankfully - at long last - I can spend what I decide I will and without stopping to think whether I have the money to do so or no and the answer has usually been "No".

It seems such a waste that I've spent decades even missing out on very standard things that many other people had. The reason why boils down to I was low-paid and single. I could have coped with being low-paid on its own. I could have coped with all the extra expenses of being single on my own (from the standpoint of being even reasonably paid). But the two together and in my home city (in Southern England) - so not the cheapest place to live was more than I could manage.

I'm in my 70's now and can about count on one hand how many holidays I've had. When I moved out of the parents home back then = 7 years in grotty bedsits and then having to learn what the system was to get public sector housing (as I've come from a home-owning background and had no idea) and fight my way into a housing association flatlet (another 7 years) and the estate had turned into a dump estate (nowt wrong with the housing - but plenty wrong with some of the tenants) before I had a break for once and managed to find a way to buy my starter house and did so. The starter house meant another 7 years or so stint - this time taking in lodgers and I had to have it 26 years and then move across country at retirement to change it up to having a house that's detached and with a garden etc. Lots of sideline work and overtime too and still I've spent a total of years in debt back then - as sometimes it's a case of "You gotta have something - whether the money is there to do so or no" and it was debt for necessities and not debt for holidays/flash clothes/etc.

It is very definitely a case of "better late than never" that I've had the last few years of not having to stop and "think before I spend". But it feels like it was such a waste to have had that low standard of living and extra work for so long. It was a very heavy price to pay for refusing to marry someone unless they were The One (and I never met him - so single it was). Guess the Universe finally showed mercy financially in time for just how many healthcare costs a lot of people land up having to pay once they get to this sort of age - so a noticeable amount of the "thank God I've got a bit extra" now is going on NHS bills (ie going private - because the NHS isnt good enough). Very much a case of "thank goodness I can do that now at last" - given it's been a 3-figure amount of money gone on removing big blemishes the NHS would once have done, hundreds of £s on visiting a bigger town nearby for footcare (because of problems with NHS care here), hundreds of £s because it's impossible basically to get an NHS dentist in Wales and the cheaper private ones are often not good enough.

Whew! Thank goodness the economising is over at last.....

We dodnt have much but wanted to make good memories....took our 3 to Australia 3 times ( stayed with family ) ...Indonesia and Hong Kong....apart from that only European holidays ( all we could afford) ....every year plus UK breaks....had to work overtime to afford ot but no regrets....the kids often reminisce with each other....warms my heart when they do

I wish my mum had spent more of her money. She scrimped and saved all her life, out of necessity, until her later years when she built a small nest egg, and now it’s almost all been taken to pay for her care. I didn’t know until six months ago how much she did have in the bank. If I’d known, I’d have suggested she replaced her kitchen and bathroom and modernised her house, which would maybe have allowed her to stay at home for longer. She doesn’t have dementia, although is frail, so is well aware that she’s been stripped of almost all her assets, while others are getting the same thing for free. She’s never claimed benefits or used the NHS much (appendix 60 years ago, one new hip/knee over 20 years).

I wish she’d have gone to see her wider family where she was born, flown in a plane, had a holiday abroad, bought nicer clothes, gone to see the theatre and music she loves. At 97, it’s too late.

SueDonim

I wish my mum had spent more of her money. She scrimped and saved all her life, out of necessity, until her later years when she built a small nest egg, and now it’s almost all been taken to pay for her care. I didn’t know until six months ago how much she did have in the bank. If I’d known, I’d have suggested she replaced her kitchen and bathroom and modernised her house, which would maybe have allowed her to stay at home for longer. She doesn’t have dementia, although is frail, so is well aware that she’s been stripped of almost all her assets, while others are getting the same thing for free. She’s never claimed benefits or used the NHS much (appendix 60 years ago, one new hip/knee over 20 years).

I wish she’d have gone to see her wider family where she was born, flown in a plane, had a holiday abroad, bought nicer clothes, gone to see the theatre and music she loves. At 97, it’s too late.

Yep....I agree with you on that. I live in an area of the country now where I frequently see signs of "staying uncomfortably in place" in a home that's not functioning decently and I count all the handrails, missing stairlifts that could have gone in, etc, etc. It's always worth it imo to make life as easy and comfortable as possible in one's own home.

As you say "They will only take the money off you anyway if you go into a carehome ever" and so you might as well have spent it to make yourself as comfortable as possible in your own home. There's just so much one can do to adjust a home. Some homes are more difficult - incapable of having a stairlift or a "lift" lift put in them....but there are a lot out there that could at least have a bath taken out and one of those safer-style modern size walk-in showers put in instead.

There's paying people to do jobs for you - housework, gardening, being a taxi service for you, etc.

No, I don’t regret no spending more. We lived within our means, and had to borrow for any home improvements, so anything extravagant would have meant more debt.

I see some younger couples with two newer cars, nice house and holidays in the south and wonder if they will ever be debt free, or even if they care to be!

Yes I do and I would have done so if DH had been willing . Now it is too late to have holidays abroad and we have very few in the UK now because of helth problems. We did have some lovely holidays once the family were self sufficient but I regret not having more treats ,like meals out with the children, and more holidays with them . If care homes do not eat up our money the children can spend their inheritance on nice holidays if they so wish .

I can’t regret not spending money we didn’t have when we were younger. What I do regret is not spending it on holidays and special treats once we retired. This is because DH kept on working one way or another and took very little time off. I have memories of lovely holidays, but not enough of them and not ambitious enough. Later, because of health problems, holidays were restricted in style eg always self-catering.

I was brought up in a home where debt was always around. My mother bought stuff in tick as they used to say and then couldn’t pay so county court summons was the usual.Which left me with a fear of spending on unnecessary things (to my mind) like meals out, holidays etc. even though we could afford it. It’s sad but I can’t overcome the fear so though we could have afforded luxuries I couldn’t spend the money. I regret it now but I’m still the same but I so wish I wasn’t.

We spent most of our money as we got it. We put our children through private schools in the latter part of their school years and every penny I earned went on that. We didn’t go on exotic holidays until we had retired and that is a bit of a shame because I would have loved to take all the kids to Vanuatu or Fiji when they were young.

I’ve budgeted all my life so if there was money saved for leisure I never felt that I couldn’t spend it because it was there for that specific purpose.
When the children were young the amount was never very large, but now it is sufficient for us to more or less do what we want. Within reason of course! I’m not talking private jets or anything😄

The same as cornergran. We’re more comfortably off now than when the children were at home. But we still save for holidays and Christmas even though we could just withdraw from our savings.
Old habits die hard. Everything seems very expensive to us, so we’re still careful.

Well done CariadAgain it shows what determination and hard work can do😃

^ Keep wondering if they missed out because we were so careful.^

No, your children won’t have “missed out”
Not if you did jolly cheap and exciting things.
We never had much money but they loved camping, visiting castles, woodlands, making dens, going to family for holidays, having holidays in cottages and so on.

Ask them “did you miss out”?
I bet they say no!

Like many people of our era money was tight. DH was lab technician on low pay I worked 2/3 nights a week so offsprings needed no childcare. Now I am old I have too much money 😡 how I wish we could have had it then! What a grumpy old “lady” !

notspaghetti

That is exactly the sort of childhood our children had and particularly our son, it has left him with an abiding love of the countryside around which he built his career.

And although we were very much better placed financially we chose to have exactly the same holidays with the grandsons, even though we could have travelled abroad with them.

They now talk of their holidays with us with great fondness, and it is brought up frequently at family get togethers. Each girl friend has been introduced to Cornwall, cycling and surfing. They now travel widely, but they have never lost their love for the English countryside.

So never ever think that the children are losing out if you can’t afford holidays abroad! We instinctively knew that they don’t need those sort of holidays, they just need your attention lots of fun and experiences.

NotSpaghetti

I don't wish we'd spent more because we didn't have more to spend.

However, like you, we always ensured the DC had some kind of holiday, whether camping, caravanning or one year with MIL in Devon and day trips.

We never went abroad but we did take the boys out most weekends, just into the car and off, usually somewhere on the coast. Used to pack a picnic rather than buy food out. Much the same as we did when we were children really.
Some caravan holidays or later years we would rent a cottage. Always self catering, I have never stayed in a hotel to this day. Travelled from the top to the bottom of the country over the years.
During the week it would be football match/swimming etc.

Now we could afford to do anything but really happier to potter at home.

My youngest has travelled around Europe since he was 17 but still remembers Sundays out.

We'd spend every penny we had on holidays with our children, and I'm so pleased that this is what they remember most about their childhoods. I don't necessarily mean our trips with them to America, New Zealand, Australia, (our dippy DD1 didn't have a clue what continent she was on half the time!), but being together and doing fun things as a family. That can be done anywhere, much closer to home and at a fraction of the cost.

PS before anyone jumps on me, DD was only dippy at school work stuff, she turned out quite bright! Sorry!

The quality of a childs upbringing cannot be measured by what you buy them, whether it is clothes, holidays or education.

What children remember when they grow up is the fun times you had with them, the time you spent talking to them.

Exotic holidays are generally ovrrated. All most people seem to want on holiday is sun and sea, and you can get that just as easily in Spain as in the maldives. People do not go to the Maldives to learn about how other people live, understand the culturet galleries.

My children and grandchildren have grown up with exotic hlidays. 18 year old DGD has recently been on aeroplane for the first time. She is familiar with ferries, but not flying.

So anyone who thinks their children missed out because they did not have exotic holidays should try talking to soneone who did have them in childhood and ask them about the country they visited, its culture, and language. It might be worth asking them whether they could find the destination on a globe. All they will remember will be sun and seaside - and that, as I said, can be found in Spain.