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Meet ups/where are you?

Be kind

(107 Posts)
Jo61 Wed 15-Jan-20 06:44:29

Noticed negative comments to other members of Gransnet in one of the trending threads. I've closed my Facebook account for this very reason hoping to join a mature site. Can we please remember what we tell our children and grandchildren...... be KIND to each other. Surely we can express our thoughts without fearing backlash. I'm hoping to speak and maybe meet new people using this site, and don't want my membership to be short lived. Was it Bambi's mum that said "if you haven't anything nice to say, don't say it at all".... could be a miss quote ....... have a lovely Wednesday everyone

Marydoll Sat 18-Jan-20 15:21:41

Although one may not see evidence of bullying, it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen on GN.

PMs can be very supportive for some posters, but the other side of the coin is that they can be used to target someone, without other users being aware of it.
Also we can't possibly read every post, so how can we be aware of everything that is happening or being said on GN.

janeainsworth Sat 18-Jan-20 14:53:42

I agree Grammaretto that sort of thing is horrible and shouldn’t be tolerated, but I don’t think we see that level of bullying and intimidation on Gransnet.

Marydoll Sat 18-Jan-20 10:34:04

I agree Grammaretto, you cannot imagine how awful it is, until it happens to you, especially when it's done in a sly and insidious way. sad

Grammaretto Sat 18-Jan-20 10:08:28

I disagree Hetty . until it happens to you, you can't imagine how horrible it can be,
Years ago, some people in our town, under the cloak of anonymity, began to slag off, on an online forum, a group of us who were trying to improve our town.
It was really upsetting because the comments became more and more vile and completely untrue. They even began to impersonate us when we didn't react. We asked a lawyer how best to stop them and were told to ignore it and eventually these nasty people would get bored with no reaction, and stop.
It took 6 months but they stopped. But for a long time after that, I couldn't laugh at satire when directed at another person. It taught me a lot about bullying.

Greeneyedgirl Sat 18-Jan-20 10:06:41

In two minds about this. You can be kind, but still hold and express strong opinions, unless you want to be a colourless person, always agreeing with everything.
We are only human, and sometimes it does get heated, but insulting someone personally because of their views just damages your own cause IMO.

Rufus2 Sat 18-Jan-20 09:55:28

Repost whatever they want on any thread without prior permission
Maw Don't understand what you're getting at! confused
You should compare notes with Kalu because I think you're singing from different song sheets hmm
Slainte

Rufus2 Sat 18-Jan-20 09:47:12

May I point you in the direction of GNHQ. The Rule Makers
Kalu You don't have to and I didn't say you made them You just follow orders! grin
GNHQ should know what I think of their Rules, Guidelines, Commandments, Epistles; call them what you will, but cull and modernise what's left.
I don't mind what anyone calls me as long as it's not spiteful or crude. A strong, good- natured debate should be lively and at least show that we're not brain-dead! hmm
OoRoo

MawB Fri 17-Jan-20 22:14:27

Also does that prevent me from airing excellent jokes from GreatNan's thread? Surely not!

Nobody owns a thread Rufus so while our late friend GreatNan started a “Jokes” thread many years ago before her sad death, I think anybody is free to post or repost whatever they want on any thread without prior permission.

Hetty58 Fri 17-Jan-20 22:01:19

I would be bored stupid if everyone made a real effort to be kind.

We should be able to debate and exchange views without resorting to personal insults but we should have free speech on here.

There's a simple solution for those who find it upsetting, just do something else!

Kalu Fri 17-Jan-20 21:52:08

I don’t make the rules Rufus

May I point you in the direction of GNHQ. The Rule Makers.

Doodledog Thu 16-Jan-20 10:42:33

I never know what's going on when people refer to 'some posters', 'the usual suspects' or 'some threads' or 'bullying'. It reminds me of being at school and being told that 'there is a thief in our midst'.

Everyone either feels worried, whether they are guilty or not, or that they are somehow not part of things and that everyone knows something they don't.

Daisymae Thu 16-Jan-20 09:35:58

'nothing to fear in the written word' l think that people can be wounded by both written and spoken word. Remember you know nothing of the person reading a response, nothing if their physical or mental issues. I think that posters must take responsibility for the impact of their comments. I did read the other day 'in a world where you can be anything, be kind'. That doesn't seem to be a bad motto to me.

Rufus2 Thu 16-Jan-20 08:12:44

May I point out that talking about a thread from another thread is against GN rules
Kalu May I point out that in my opinion that's a stupid rule. What purpose does it serve apart from restricting free flow of ideas across the GN debating spectrum.? hmm
Also does that prevent me from airing excellent jokes from GreatNan's thread? Surely not! grin
OoRoo

Rufus2 Thu 16-Jan-20 07:58:56

At least half of the fiery exchanges on here are caused by someone getting the wrong end of the stick and misunderstanding
Elegran And who decides who's got the right end of the stick!? confused

welbeck Thu 16-Jan-20 02:20:24

anyone remember gangster gran ?

Hetty58 Thu 16-Jan-20 02:11:38

Good idea, sounds like fun so just let me know where and when the granny riot is!

welbeck Thu 16-Jan-20 02:02:44

why is this dictat in Meet Ups.
I was expecting a pained report about how a group of GNers had started a fracas in a genteel coffee shop and been turned out, bringing ill-repute on all our heads.

Hetty58 Thu 16-Jan-20 01:32:52

Be kind? Do we have to? Where's the fun in that? Next, it'll be 'Be positive! No negative thoughts allowed!', then 'Be polite, no naughty words' etc.

Jo61, you say ' Surely we can express our thoughts without fearing backlash' - well of course we can, there is nothing to fear in the written words of strangers.

I wish to express my thoughts with freedom, though. I don't want to restrict myself in case I offend somebody so sensitive that they should maybe avoid forums. We need to keep it real!

Rufus2 Thu 16-Jan-20 01:08:20

but human nature does have a long memory.
Elegran Thanks for that! The ones I have in mind are called "Grudges" hmm
OoRoo

Sara65 Wed 15-Jan-20 18:29:48

Jo61

Not a final goodbye I hope.

Callistemon Wed 15-Jan-20 18:19:25

Urmstongran I had no idea that Meghan had had surgery on her nose.
I always admire her nose, it's lovely.
Now, if I wasn't so nervous hmm I might have had surgery myself after someone made a comment about mine.

Sorry, off piste
But it is what it's call 'a ski slope nose'.

Jo61 Wed 15-Jan-20 17:56:30

Oh dear wasn't expecting this response smile Goodbye all

NanKate Wed 15-Jan-20 17:32:55

I go very carefully as I have witnessed bullying and stalking (not of myself but others) and it is just plain unkind.

I agree with Kitty and others a new poster should take a softly softly approach when joining GN to find their feet and settle in.

annsixty please don’t go. ?

Sara65 Wed 15-Jan-20 17:14:26

I have no idea either BlueBelle!

BlueBelle Wed 15-Jan-20 16:55:45

I m as dumb as dumb I have no idea what thread you’re all referring to and I ve no idea about posters who change their names I have a job remembering one lot of pen names with out remembering two
I m not sure what you’re answer to me meant about grandchild’s savings Jo61 and not at all sure why we are in Meet ups
This is a bit like being in a parallel universe ???