Tia

I understand everything you say nellie. Yes, it is like a huge great hole that at first you just keep falling into.

I send you this quote which reflects exactly what you say...

"there is only one certain truth - even had I known that there would ever come the cruel grief I suffer today, I would endure it all again for the wonder of having had you in my life."

Bless you nellie

thank you ella yes ,my first daughter died in infancy from brain injuries received at birth.....without sounding trite,the saying " what dosent kill you,makes you stronger" does ring true.....but I did have her for a short time,and use that as appositive....the same with Kate would rather have had her,than never have the pleasure at all.......xxx

nellie are you saying that you have lost two children?
I can't begin to comprehend how you even get through a day, you truly are an amazing woman.
are not enough

nanad thank you,I was trying to illustrate the sensationalism that is created at a untimely death by unnatural causes....if the death was through Illness and therefore not public only close friends and family would know,and you don't get all the flowers etc outside the home,that only seems to happen when it is death where violence,or an unnatural end has occurred,"normal " bereavements of which I have had with another child and parents didn't attract that same level of interest where outsiders where trying to get their moment of "fame" ......I am hoping that you and your family are well,a whopping great hole gets left in your life ,although the hole is always there you in time get used to treading round the hole,and life becomes sweet again with all the happy memories....xxxxlove nellie

So sorry littlenellie to hear of your loss. I think that perhaps when the loss is so public you are going to get people like that who try to cash is as it were, and this must only add to your shock and hurt. What I should have said was that at times like this any genuine expression of sympathy ans support is welcome.

The key word is genuine. When I hear of tragedies like this, even though I don't know those left behind, i really hurt for them as I know the pain they will have to go through.

You have both reflected my views, nellie and nanaej - well said. It's the 'wanting to be part of the drama' aspect which I find distasteful. It must have been a terrible time for you, nellie.

littlenellie that is what I meant by psuedo grief. I do think many people want to be involved the 'drama' and go along to the shrines just to be seen or to 'rubberneck' and be 'part of the action'

I do understand how another death can trigger unresolved grief and do not include that in pseudo grief.

When I have been bereaved I have really appreciated the support and empathy of friends, colleagues and family but it would have felt odd if strangers had offered condolences.

When Diana died I did not feel anything like grief. It was surprising news with a very sad outcome for her and her family but it had no emotional impact on my life.

nanadogso sorry for your loss

When we lost Kate,the story hit the media,and people we hardly knew claimed to know her,however slightly and claimed to have been a "really close friend " of the family,people would come up to me in the street to ask for information,it seemed to us as they where wanting to claim they knew someone who had suffered an unnatural death in suspicious circumstances ,because it is unusual in normal circumstances for people to die this way it seemed to us as if was a form of reflected glory..My very untactful clumsy SIL works for sainsbury,and she would have customers and people "pop" in for information,she for one really basked in the attention and kudos it gave her of being in some way involved with the situation.

Nanadog, so sorry to hear that,

nanadog

Thank you all so much. It does mean a lot to have your kind wishes.

Same from me, nanadogsbody.

Nanadog I cannot begin to imagine how I would cope if any one of our grandchildren died. My heart would break. I doubt that it would ever mend. I'm sending you loving wishes.

nanadogsbody - Your simple yet heartfelt message moved me, and am at loss in how to respond. So go well, nanad and I wish you and your family peace for the future.

Nanadogsbody my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

Nanadog I can't imagine losing any of my grandchildren, so I'm sending a huge (((hug)))

I cannot imagine how I would cope if my grandson died, so you have my sympathy too dogsbody. xx

I think people who put flowers or whatever out when someone they don't know has died, are trying to put themselves in someone else's shoes and thinking "how awful". Good for them for expressing empathy.

Thank you hankipanki and greenmossgiel x

Nanadogsbody, the same from me too.

nanadogsbody

Having lost a grandchild I can assure all GN's that any sign of sympathy and support is appreciated. It is, as someone said, an expression of empathy and at times like that you need all the support you can get, believe me.

I'm sure it can be very different.

However, grieving is a complex process and sometimes unexpressed grief from an earlier bereavement is finally released alongside the grief from another, later loss.

So, to quote an example, someone might find it very difficult to grieve on the death of a beloved parent but be absolutely devastated a year later when their dog dies.

petallus surely a strong emotional reaction to someone's death, when you do not know them personally, is not at all the same thing as the grief you experience when you lose someone you have known and loved for many years?

This type of grief seems to be contagious, someone leaves a few flowers and before you know it there are hundreds of flowers, candles and teddy bears. Crying is also contagious especially amongst young women, they see someone cry and all join in. As someone said most of them probably hardly knew Tia if at all. A couple of people I work with put a photo of Hazell and Huntley saying 'Hang 'Em'. I pointed out that he'd only been charged, thankfully we are in country that doesn't have legal lynching. A young lady was murdered in Bath a few years ago by a Dutch man who lived in her building. However, the press concentrated on another resident and questioned if he had murdered her - because he did look a bit odd. Everyone has their on opinion on the police, they do make mistakes, but this mistake made no difference to the outcome. They appear to have enough evidence to charge him, but he isn't guilty until he either confesses or is found guilty. We don't want the wrong person to be sent to prison afterall - during the bad days of Capital Punishment the wrong people were hanged.