Girls should forget university and have babies instead !

I think I would do the same again. But I would have liked to work part-time when the kids where a bit older- as said, it was impossible due to OH's very long hours, me having to be a free glorified receptionist night and day.

Average price of UK wedding:

Average wedding now costs more than £18,000
Many newlyweds are now starting married life in debt as the cost of the average wedding has soared to £18,244, according to a new study.

kripes - saddled with debts before even started life together- madness.

I was set to go to university at 18 - in fact I went, then had to leave because I was pregnant (this was 1965 - I was told I could come back "afterwards") so we got married, as you did, and had DD. then the two DSs. So by the time I was 25 my family was complete. (And I was sterilised!)

I most certainly wouldn't recommend it, looking back at how poor we were, and how difficult it was, but we got through.

My point is, that as far as university and a career were concerned, I went back when the children were at school or nursery, got a couple of good degrees and eventually progressed up the career ladder quite quickly because I'd had the children early. And it gave me, as it did for, I think grandjura over 35 years teaching. (The fact that the army moved us every two years just added to the fun....)

I still don't know the answer - we missed out on a lot of fun, I suppose, though we are making up for it now. If I'd had a choice? Oh dear...

Well, look on the positive side - she's got GNetters talking!
Each to their own I say

I just love the notion that they are going to be able to save up and buy a flat on a non-graduate salary. And have a baby before they are 30. Despite her background in the property industry she is obviously completely out of touch with the mismatch between being on a salary of probably less than 20 and ever saving up a deposit or getting a mortgage. Unless they live in an extremely cheap part of the country and oh dear, dammit, those are the places with no flipping jobs aren't they.

I went to a wedding once where the wedding was at 12.00pm but the photographs went on for so long we didn't sit down to the meal until nearly 5.00pm. The 12.00 start meant nobody got any lunch and many like us had had an early breakfast because we had a long drive to the event. It was a baking hot and bright sunny day and we were all kept standing outside because there was to be a processional entrance to the room the meal was being held in. By the time we sat down to eat I had a blinding migraine. which completely spoilt the rest of the event for the whole family as we had to leave early because I felt so ill. The marriage didn't last either.

The more money spent on a wedding, the more of an ordeal it is for the guests. They are like Hollywood productions and very often run late because the photographer is a prima-donna. We went to one where the evening 'do' didn't start until 9pm. We were staying in a nearby Premier Inn so made our excuses and spent the rest of the night with our feet up, bottle of watching the telly......

And the whole stag/hen night has got totally out of hand. My SIL has just felt obliged to spend money he cannot afford (and that could have paid for a family holiday, as my DD pointed out) on his brother's stag do abroad for several days. Ridiculous in my view!

The weddings I have enjoyed most are those that are informal, low key and low cost (including my own). My limited experience also suggests that the ensuing marriage has a much higher success rate as well.

Well I totally agree with her on that one. The intense competition for the 'wedding and honeymoon' of the year is just madness- with young couples being saddled with debts for a very long time to come for just one day (unless parents plunder their pension fund, often under pressure from youngsters, to provide). I am so glad it is not the case here- perhaps blame the crazy Wedding magazines and fairs, Hello magazines and the like.

I do think that leaving reproduction till a later age has thrown up lots of difficulties and indeed heartache for many people - I do not object to her pointing that out; that seems entirely reasonable. How people choose to deal with that is down to them - like some others on here, I did my degree and professional qualification, worked for a while and then started my family at age 26. I returned part-time 5 years later and dodged in and out of part-time work when a third child came along. It worked for me, but that was in an era when it was easy to get a job. Women now face so much competition for jobs that they have to get well and truly stuck into their careers before they dare take maternity leave. I feel for them - their choices are so hard. I would not presume to advise them, but Kirsty's stance is one solution to go into the melting pot, and entirely reasonable for some.

Having children young and getting an education later is certainly an option, and I know people who have done this very happily - I think that mature students often appreciate their university experience more and get more out of it.

I heard her by chance on the radio today and she was objecting to the amount of money people spend on their weddings and suggesting that it might be better to be a bit abstemious in that regard and have some money left for a deposit on a house - sounds reasonable to me.

d4dsquared I had exactly the same experience when I had my first child at the same age. We lived in a new town and most of the pregnant women at our surgery were barely in their 20s and often younger. I was in doubt whether I was going to be booked into obstetrics or geriatrics when I visited the hospital.

petallus Kirsty Allsop was specifically talking about women who are going or intend to go to university. She is suggesting that these women should delay university until after children.

Personally, having gone to university and then had children in my 20s and then gone to university for a further degree in my late 30s when I was juggling my part time studies with children and a part time job. I can assure her that getting a degree first is so much easier, even if it means you then marry and have children and delay starting your career until your 30s. As I said in my previous post I returned to my fulltime career at 40 and made good progress in it.

Interesting thread title. What about all those young women who left school at 16 and would not be going to uni anyway?

Surely there must be a few!

Good post Eloethan

eloethan, well said.

Amazing how perceptions change - I was labelled an 'elderly prima gravida' when my DD was born. I was 28. When she went to primary school I was definitely the oldest Mum waiting at the school gate. I had done the Uni bit and been married for 4 years before starting a family. We certainly got married a lot younger then! Personally I don't see why the options need to be incompatible. KA wouldn't have got where she is without some decent qualifications.

Yes, merlot, she put her case, but she didn't convince me.

I've just watched Kirstie on Newsnight and I think she put her point across very well.

Someone who has had an expensive education and who comes from a relatively wealthy background may feel quite relaxed about her ability to obtain a good job and maintain a reasonable standard of living. I feel it is unwise of KA to give advice to young women who do not have the sort of safety net that she has had. As JessM said, divorce is commonplace these days, and women need the security of a good education and skills if they are not to run the risk of ending up, exhausted and demoralised, in poorly paid jobs.

There is an issue about women having children later in life and it's not something that's easily resolved. I think, though, that the continual emphasis on the role of women as childbearers rather than on the importance of men as well as women being responsible for their children's welfare only serves to perpetuate inequality. My own feeling is that there needs to be more flexibility in how we view work (including working within the family as a carer), family life and education.

Kirsty's on Newsnight later tonight defending her opinions - should be interesting!

Silverfish do not give up hope. I stopped work when my children were born, one didn't have a choice in 1971, 7 years later I went back to work into poorly paid part time in jobs that fitted in with my children rather than my career.

At 40, with both children in secondary school, I picked up my career again and did very well.

Some posts seem to say that the choice is either have babies as teenagers- or in late 30s. I tried to say that there is another choice, for those who want to go to Uni, and have chidlren afterwards- still in 20s.

For me, it was different. I was not able to go to Uni before children (not being fluent in the language, being crippled in a accident then having 2 childre)- but I made it at a later stage. When youngest started school, I started uni- then 'climbed' the professional ladder much quicker as if I had been younger. Uni is definitely NOT for all, and perhaps it is wrong to intimate that it is. Horses for courses. But it is true that many who live having children till late 30s and 40s have to go through the heartache of loss of fertility, etc, and even take the risk of more problems with either pregnancy, their own health of the childrens'. One thing for sure, there is no 'one fits all' solution.

It's not unrealistic for women to have children in their early twenties (you don't need a degree for that) and then pursue a successful career. I did it and so did both my daughters as neither of them wished to go to uni.

DD1 had various part-time jobs when her boys were small and then took advantage of training in the workplace to get the necessary qualifications for a Health and Safety consultant in agriculture.

DD2 did an open university degree in Eng Lit and is now a primary school deputy head.

They have good careers, children who benefited from mum being at home when they were small and no uni loans to pay back.

I think Kirsty has a point.

I mean to add that I really love Kirsty and watch lots of her shows but she is upper class and that must have an effect on her attitudes, Im glad my daughter went to uni as you cant take away the experience of being a student and I always think that a mother who is past being a teenager is more settled and patient

My daughter went to uni and then to another to get a second degree, she is now working in a minimum wage job and lives with her partner and has my DGD. As she is now tied to the job because it fits well with childcare (me and the other gran),she probably will never get a high flying career, however she says she loves her job and being a mum so I cant ask for more than that.

She was a posh estate agent (and being born into the gentry probably helped that business) This was why she got into making property TV programmes.
Girls need to make sure they can at least keep a roof over their own heads and food in the fridge if the man they choose at a young age disappears over the horizon. And lets face it, with the divorce rate as it is, that is not unlikely.
She is an extremely good self-publicist and not the sweet creature she would have us believe.