Transgenderism

From what I have heard in recent media coverage, many of the children who do feel they are a different gender to the one they were born into, seem to start expressing the feeling at an early age, that they are boys not girls (or whichever gender) they were registered as.
I am quite sure most people with gender dysphoria do not make these decisions lightly.

I am not sure which facts you are referring to Mary - I have said that people should have the right to be who they are without censure. I have also said that it is very important that those making these big decisions are old enough and mature enough to be able to make them - and to understand the implications for the future. I am 67 and my ideas and thoughts are very different from when I was 17, or 27. There is a period in young people's lives when they are exploring what their sexuality is and what it means for them, and I feel it is important that they are given space and time to think this through before taking any irrevocable action that may be regretted by the person they become as they get older.

Or was it the facts about the male to female surgery? I can only say that I have seen some serious complications occur with hemorrhage and infection. These are not to be regarded lightly.

I also said that some people who change from male to female have no chance of being recognised as female if they are large-boned and very tall. Someone tacking the huge decision to transition needs to be ready to face a lifetime of challenges - they need to understand what the reaction of those around them might be. Now you might say that this reaction is inappropriate, but it is a fact of life and one of the challenges that they need to be prepared for. A lifetime of heads turning in the street is hard - that is a lot of years of being strong, which some may not be able to sustain.

Children need the time and space to work out their sexuality and gender and I do not think any sort of treatments should start below the age of 18. Certainly nothing that is irrevocable. That does not mean that prior to this they should not have understanding and support.

It is impossible for those of us not facing this sense of being in the wrong body to begin to understand how that must feel. That does not make us uncaring and intolerant - the two are different things.

Just to agree with nellie that I am sure that these decisions are not made lightly, but I am advocating that these decisions need mature reflection and that children need careful handling so that the "tomboys" or boys who feel they should be girls can be just that without being labelled as having gender dysphoria at too young an age. Some of the stories from the US give me cause for concern.

This "No irrevocable changes" argument is rather strange. It's usually used to mean that a child who knows they are female must be forced to go through puberty as a boy and have to live with a deep voice and beard growth for the rest of her life.

I don't know what professional involvement Luckygirl has with MtF surgery. I was quoting from the warnings that the surgeon was obliged to give, which included the incidence of complications. The risks were probably a lot higher when it was a new and semi experimental procedure.

I would appreciate it if you could quote a place where "children are given hormone treatment to establish the gender of their choice". Preferably with a reference.

I have had the unusual experience of assisting at a male to female sex change operation as a medical student. We were making a vagina from a piece of bowel leaving it attached to the omentum to keep it's blood supply .
I have met 4 or 5 male to female transitions over my medical career. I have also seen TV coverage of a few folk in a similar position. I have deep concerns about this surgery. None of the patients I have known have been convincing females after considerable amounts of surgery. They have never been well adjusted in their new gender. I feel for them enormously. Does anyone on the forum know of a success story?

I' M sorry Mary. Somehow I had missed reading your post before writing above. Are you through all the surgical procedures now? How has life been for you since and what difficulties have you encountered ? It would be very interesting to hear if you feel able to share it. Thanks.

My cousin who funded her own surgery 25 years ago looks very feminine. She tells me from a young child she knew she was female not male and took lots of negative reactions from everyone around her, especially her family. She has only been in touch with me during the last 18 months to let me know her mum, my aunt was dying. She expected rejection from me but we have struck up a friendship.

Sadly she said she could never meet me physically as she would be worried that by accident I might let her friends know of her origins. She knows I would not do it purposefully but she leads a secretive life even now.

I'm in contact by email and phone.

My son who is trying to transgender is a very masculine, broad shouldered hairy male with a very deep bass voice. He is getting very cross as people keep on addressing him as Miss.
In a dress etc he looks nothing like a woman.
He is waiting for referral at the moment. As he is bi polar, alcoholic and epileptic I do wonder what his chances are and how he would respond to refusal,

That shoul be sir not miss. He wants to be addressed as miss.

How hard for you Galen. It is so hard as parents to see our children hurt even when they are adults.

@Galen I wonder how much help he is getting with making such a decision? He may be hoping that if he transitions his problems will be over - I've read so many stories of people who do this and then are more miserable than ever as they find their problems are about more than gender.
.

My son had a male friend at primary and secondary school who would dress as a girl and wear make up at home . They are still in touch and he is now very much a man with wife ect . This is why I think that any treatment should not start until at least 17-18 . It would have been a disaster for this young chap if he had been able to start gender reassignment as a child .

Didn`t see your post Galen before I added mine . That must be really hard for you both , I hope he is getting support xx

Maybe if gender was not so defined there would not be so many problems for people. Mind you I am talking from ignorance of the subject although I do know of and are slightly acquainted with a couple of transgender people.

It must be a concern for you Galen - we all want our children to feel content with who they are - let us hope their can be some happy resolution to this for him.

I too would like to hear from Mary and learn from her about how this all works and what she sees as a good outcome to help others to understand.

mumofmadboys - I believe the surgery has changed substantially now. The shaft of the penis is used to create a vagina; and the scrotum is used to create labia. Sensitive parts of the glans are used to create a clitoris. Here is a link to an animation of the process: www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGkiC3Y8kk0

Thanks Luckygirl. I will watch this. I was a medical student in the late 70s/early 80's.

I was earlier than you. I qualified in 1967. I don't think sex had been invented then let alone transgenderism

Apols for spelling error! - "their" should read "there."

Galen what a very difficult time you are both having.

Does you son know of the society that helps transgender people called Mermaids ? They really helped my cousin and she has bequeathed all her money to them, to help possible transgender children.They are based in Brighton.

www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/

Sorry don't know how to make it blue but if you copy and paste it into Google you will get all the details.

Oh it has turned blue all by itself !

He's got CPN and helpful GP.

What is CPN please?

Community psychiatric nurse

How very difficult for you Galen, I am sorry.

I've been closely involved with 2 people who went through the whole process here in Switzerland (both male to female)- and here they will not agree to go ahead with the hormonal and physical reversal unless and until other psychiatric problems, or any issues with drugs or alcohol, are first resolved.

One went through the whole process aged 19- and no-one would ever know she was ever a man. Right voice, small and delicate hands and feet and figure. The other did this in late 40s- after being married for almost 20 years and the father of two teenage daughters. No regrets, but it is not easy for her, as she is tall and still has a low voice and masculine features which everyone notices immediately.

Before we got to know her well, she was called a 'disgusting pervert' at a Fête, by one local expat we had invited- as she said hello to her at the Ladies'. We were truly embarrassed and shocked by our guest's reaction (who was not invited again).

@mumofmadboys: I am afraid the TV coverage is likely to have searched out the comparatively rare failures as that gets more viewers.

I've only had one surgical procedure and that was vaginoplasty. I may not be a very pretty woman, but I didn't feel the need for facial cosmetic surgery. I don't have a visible adam's apple so I didn't need that one either. (This is after a makeover and some professional attention from a makeup artist this year, so aged 67 - www.dropbox.com/s/rxclptn4ast5vxu/Mary%20After%20001.jpg?dl=0) I had been living full time as a woman for three years before the surgery so it didn't make a lot of difference, just that I now feel right. About two years ago I joined my local "Baptist Ladies" group. At the Christmas dinner we were asked to introduce ourselves with our names and some strange fact about ourselves. I told them my name and that I have 12 children. That is rather unusual these days. For the rest of the evening most of the Ladies were wondering how I could possibly have such a good figure. Naughty but I did really like it!

I do know some transwomen who are not at all convincing, but more who are completely convincing unless you know exactly what to look for.

I've been full time for four and a half years now and I've got rid of almost all of the depression and anxiety. Not all - losing my family is a depressing situation. I'm fortunate to live in an easy going town and also that people I meet can't tell my background. I haven't experienced physical violence and have had verbal abuse only from a couple of the residents in the retirement flats where I live. I do feel my story is more of a success story than a list of difficulties.

My local Asperger group recently decided there were enough women to have a women only meeting - the main meetings are mainly men. I was thought to be the most capable of the women so I'm nominally in charge of the women's group. I was a member of the Asperger group before I transitioned so they do know my history. I'm deeply involved in my church, and again I transitioned after joining it. Sunday a week ago was "Stewardship Sunday" and was taken by the finance team. As I'm co-treasurer I gave half the sermon, which is a lot harder than talking. I'm very good at talking!