Thanks elegran, as ever your calm comments hit the spot.
As for sneering - some of the comments on here about VB would fit that description, I recall one poster referred to her as his lollipop wife, others to her facial expression. The lollipop description is usually used to describe young women who are very thin, some to the point of having an eating disorder. Some gransnet members will have struggled with an eating disorder, some will have children or grandchikdren who do. The on line bullying, reports in the media on faceboook and so on, are known to have contributed to the development of all kinds of unhelpful responses by those on the receiving end. VB has received a good deal of that kind of thing. I'd have hoped women who gave as much life experience as people old enough to join gransnet would be less likely to have a go at VB