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Children don't hear the word 'no' often enough

(89 Posts)
minimo Fri 11-Aug-17 10:16:08

Interesting (though hardly surprising) article here. I must admit I wholeheartedly agree with this. Even my own grandchildren get away with a lot more than I remember my kids ever doing.

“Children need rules, boundaries and opportunities to feel the cold, go hungry and fall down and hurt themselves, so they can learn from their mistakes”

Hear hear!

Cherrytree59 Fri 11-Aug-17 10:21:09

Go hungry??

M0nica Fri 11-Aug-17 11:08:31

Why not? I think it means waiting for meal time and not being given a snack 20 minutes before the meal is served with the inevitable result.

Elegran Fri 11-Aug-17 11:08:56

Yes, go hungry a little - not starve but if they don't fancy what has been cooked for the family and are not prepared to eat a few spoonfuls with everyone else then not to expect meals to be delayed while a gourmet substitute is rustled up.

It is amazing how delicious food becomes at the next meal, even the identical dish previously rejected.

gillybob Fri 11-Aug-17 11:21:15

I'm not so sure. As a child my DH was repeatedly served the same poached egg because he refused it the first time. He described it as being "not quite set" and it made him feel terribly sick. He was eventually forced into eating it after not being allowed anything else for 2 whole days. Wicked. To this day the sight of a poached egg makes him relive the event and he says he could be physically sick. His parents did the same to him with mashed banana and he can't so much as smell a banana without feeling quite ill.

paddyann Fri 11-Aug-17 11:26:22

My mother was always fussy about food ,she wouldn't even cook things she didn't eat ,so she never expected us to eat things we didn't want/like .I dont think its done me any harm,I have my own list of things I wont ever eat and was a strict vegetarian for a long time .I would hate anyone putting any type of fowl dish in front of me and expecting me to eat why would I do that to my kids or grandkids ?

minimo Fri 11-Aug-17 11:27:13

Oh dear, that's extreme and terrible to hear gillybob.
Obviously there will be some things that children hate to eat but I think it's more about kids demanding certain things (and being given them) rather than being made to starve. The rule in my DS's house is that the kids have to taste everything at least once before deciding they don't like the taste of it. If they decide they don't like a certain thing on their plate, fine, but if they refuse everything on their plate then there isn't anything else.

Charleygirl Fri 11-Aug-17 11:29:27

I hated meal times because I had to sit there until I had eaten everything. This could easily be for 5 hours so no wonder I cannot look at or eat custard, tapioca, milky rice, fried eggs, poached eggs. Then my mother had the nerve to say that I was putting on weight!

I do not think I was picky, I genuinely did not like this food. I ate everything else.

glammanana Fri 11-Aug-17 12:00:04

My DGSs partner the mother of my GGD has fed the baby all manner of foods since she was 8mths old and gives her opinion that babies are born with no dislikes at all and that some mums just take the first refusal as an indication that the baby does not like it,GGD is now 17mths old and has a full and varied diet ranging from curries/olives/all fruits DGSs partner feeds her all the veg that is in season and she saves £s on baby dinners which a lot of mums use for convienience.
When mine have refused food over the yesrs I must admit to making them wait a while but not to long and they would have to do with sandwiches only but I truely don't think any of our children have ever felt starving hungry as was experienced many years ago by some of our older GN members.

rosesarered Fri 11-Aug-17 12:03:14

It's not just about food though is it? the treating of children as little Princes/Princesses will come back to bite many parents on the rear in years to come.
In any case, children are happier and feel safer with boundaries and some discipline.

MaizieD Fri 11-Aug-17 12:16:27

l agree with no snacks 20 minutes before a meal and I also agree with not forcing a child to eat food that they have tried and don't like.

I was incredibly fussy as a child; it must have been really hard for my mum who had lived through wartime rationing and food scarcity. In her eyes wasting food or refusing to eat things was just wrong. But she was very good and didn't force me. I'll eat just about anything now (as long as it's properly cooked). I think you have to offer a child a wide range of foods and not make an issue of it if they eject things from time to time.

I think the article is just one in a long historical tradition of criticising 'the younger generation'. I wouldn't pay it too much attention.

MaizieD Fri 11-Aug-17 12:17:17

Not 'eject' (though they might...) reject

goldengirl Fri 11-Aug-17 12:33:24

I'm afraid my GC know the meaning of 'no'!!! And hence I'm often called 'Grumpy Gran' but they still want to visit though I have to be honest and say it's mainly Grandad they want until they fall over or something like that!

nigglynellie Fri 11-Aug-17 12:47:58

I don't think anyone should be made to eat anything that they genuinely dislike. DD absolutely hates fruit in any shape or form apart from banana. This became obvious as a tiny baby refusing fruit juice, later fruit puddings, oranges, apples everything! she was ideal to take fruit picking as,unlike the rest of us she didn't eat the smallest raspberry!!! We never ever made an issue of this, and people were briefed if we went out for meals. Now in early middle age nothing has changed so it is clearly a genuine dislike!
I have/had few dislikes!! but the odd one or two,broad beans, poached egg on yellow fish, a favourite of my parents! I was never forced to eat anything that I genuinely disliked and I have been the same with my own two

Greyduster Fri 11-Aug-17 12:49:11

As a child I hated my mother's meat and potato pie. She used to make the crust thick and doughy because that was the way my father liked it p, and the filling was bland. I was made to sit in misery until I ate it, which I eventually did, often with tears running down my face. I always said that I would not do he same to my children and I didn't, although if they refused to eat a meal they didn't get anything else. (There often wasn't anything else!). DD said when GS was small that she wouldn't be a slave to his likes and dislikes. Well, they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions! He would eat just about anything you put in front of him - animal or vegetable - until he was about nineteen months old then, inexplicably, the shutters came down with a bang and he suddenly stopped eating all sorts of things, potatoes, butter on bread and anything with tomatoes or a sauce on being particular no-no's. She never made him eat things he didn't like, and stopped beating her brains out trying to find things he did like. He seemed to live on plain pasta and vegetables for ages, but it did him no harm and his palate has broadened over the last few years so that now, at ten, he is quite adventurous. And now, after many years, I like meat and potato pie!

TerriBull Fri 11-Aug-17 13:10:40

I'm with you Gillybob, I'm really against forcing children to eat anything they would find unpalatable, not being flippant but it seems an abuse of their human rights. I was forced to eat rice pudding at school, lumps the size of planets hmm till I was sick, I vowed I would never inflict the same treatment on a child of mine. I did end up with one of my kids being a faddy eater, wouldn't touch broccoli for example for some reason or other called it "seaweed". He eats pretty much everything now, although he still won't touch the odious, in his eyes, green veg. My grandchildren can be picky over certain things but conversely like broccoli over anything else , so if that's their preferred choice in a vegetable I think it's a good one. I wouldn't force them to eat anything, maybe cajole a bit, but if they flatly refuse, which isn't often, I go along with that.

mcem Fri 11-Aug-17 13:49:27

DGS refuses all green vegetables because his idiot father tells him that green means poison! Hard to persuade him to try anything as dad feeds a very limited diet when kids visit him.
All this from a man who lives on stodge, fat and sugar.

Jalima1108 Fri 11-Aug-17 16:09:01

That's awful gillybob and reminds me of a film I watched years ago when the daughter of the house was supposed to eat some fish and couldn't; her father (James Mason) put it in front of her meal after meal (turned out she was pregnant).

I was encouraged to try things I thought I may not like and did the same with my own DC (sprouts for instance) and we all like them now.

However, I will say that some parents do use the word 'no' sometimes if needed and do have boundaries as well as encouraging - and their children seem to be the ones who are a pleasure to be with.

midgey Fri 11-Aug-17 16:16:36

Taste apparently comes into play sometime after 18 months, so the baby who ate everything becomes the toddler who is fussy.

paddyann Fri 11-Aug-17 16:20:18

I use the word NO in all sorts of other ways but NOT where food is concerned,No if they want to do something I think is dangerous or too messy foot painting when I'd just cleaned the kitchen or want to watch things I think aren't suitable.More often though I'll say let me think about it and by the time I have they've changed their minds

Jalima1108 Fri 11-Aug-17 16:20:44

It's not parenting either - siblings can have quite different likes and dislikes as far as food is concerned yet have had the same meals offered to them.

LadyGracie Fri 11-Aug-17 17:06:19

SIL sent her children to a Montessori nursery about 25 years ago, the word No was not allowed, i don't think many boundaries were set at all, they both turned out to be awful children and are now very rude adults!

Greyduster Fri 11-Aug-17 17:43:24

That explains a lot, midgey.

Christinefrance Fri 11-Aug-17 20:27:32

Boundaries are essential for children, we need to give them a realistic idea of life. No should mean no and not change for crying or tantrums.
Respect for others is another essential parenting lesson.

Deedaa Fri 11-Aug-17 21:36:14

Serving up the same food until it is eaten would have no effect on my ASD grandson. His diet is very limited and he has no real interest in food so he would sit and look at it for days without eating it. His brother eats anything that's offered!

At the moment GS3's favourite word is NO. He uses it whether he actually means no or yes. Hopefully it's a phase.