Children don't hear the word 'no' often enough

Ana, you are right. Im obviously confusing two films - and it wasnt Hayley Mills but Susan George who played the pregnant daughter. Loked it up.

To get off the subject of food, I think if they hear 'no' too often , it's counter productive. It's better to reserve No for times when it really matters eg if they are potentially about to hurt themselves or others or cause damage. Examples:running into road, touching hot cooker, electric sockets, hitting otger children(or adults) climbing on furniture. Things like what they want to wear or whether they eat all the food are less important. But I do agree snacking before meals spoils the appetite (even if healthy snacks) and judging from my GC they do a lot of that!

I agree kids need boundaries, but not when it comes to food per se, I remember butter beans making me terribly sick after being forced to eat them at primary school. I'm 65 now and cannot bear the look or thoughts of ever having to eat them and can still see myself as a 5 year old sitting alone at the lunch table and not being allowed to leave until I had eaten them. The upside was I was sick all over the teacher who had forced me to eat them!

No it definitely wasn't just the Montessori school at fault, there was total lack of discipline and no boundaries set at home or at school. No good examples to follow.

When i was in junior school, just after WW11, we started to get school meals. We were encouraged to eat everything on our plates, and usually I did. One day I was about to eat some cabbage when I noticed half a caterpillar amongst it. I couldn't eat any more of the cabbage and just left it, but ate everything else. Unfortunately, the head mistress spotted it as she walked past doing her inspection. She made me eat the cabbage, even though I told her about the caterpillar. I got my revenge, because no sooner had it gone down it came up again, and I was sick all over her skirt. Somehow, I have never liked cabbage since then. I still wonder where the other half of the caterpillar had gone.

starlily (with apologies to the op as it has nothing to do with boundaries etc) your post reminded me of the occasion Big Chief I Spy was passing the end of the lane where we lived. Anyone else remember him? He was due about 5 minutes past lunch time and instead of waiting a bit, DM presented a salad at the usual time, which we then left on the table while we went to wave at an anonymous car (which may or may not have been his, or even hers!) Anyway, when we got back to the kitchen a wasp was closely inspecting my meal! I didn't want to eat the rest of it but DM (or She Who Must Be Obeyed) removed the wasp and made me eat what was left on the plate. I too got my revenge in the same way as you ...

star years ago a friend of mine was at a pretty upmarket restaurant in France when a caterpillar crawled out of her lettuce. She called the waiter over who inspected it, removed the caterpillar and said she was lucky it was a whole one. My friend was dumbstruck and said nothing more

Am I the only one with toddler grandchildren who shout NO quite a lot?
The film was Spring and Port Wine, written as a novel/play by Bill Naughton, who was born in Ireland. Bill Naughton grew up in Bolton between 1914 when he was four and 1941 when he left to be a civil defence driver, rather than join up.
I'm sure he grew up with the kind of 'no nonsense ' approach to child rearing that some people feel we need. Evidently he didn't like Herring, so we have to wonder if he was served it every day after refusing to eat it.
I don't believe in forcing children to eat anything. Try a taste is fine but insisting they sit at the table and empty their plate is cruel. I do believe that children today snack more than is good for them and this results in good mid day and evening meals not always being eaten because the little rascals know they can have junk stuff like biscuits or crips within a short period of leaving their meal. I'm tough with my toddler grandchildren - if they don't want their main meal, fine. No desert but fruit is available. If they complain they're hungry, they're kindly reminded they were given a meal but left it so they have to wait till the next meal time. Not rocket science is it.

I suspect those who point out we're a wealthy society and that's one of the reasons we seem to have fussy eaters are spot on. When I was little, we had biscuits on the main shop day, if we ate the lot. The tin wasn't replenished till the following weeks main shop. I don't like food being used to control anyone, despite my tough approach with my grandchildren

I must admit I am staggered at the way my neighbour treats her son. He is taken backwards and forwards in the car, I don't think he has ever had to use a bus, although the bus goes past our houses. He is about twenty five and still has to be taken everywhere!! His girlfriend, who lived with his family for a while, had to be given a lift to and from work, with family members travelling five or ten miles to pick her up....for a five minute bus ride into town. Now that is being spoilt.

When my grandchildren were small they were always encouraged to try and if they didn't like it my daughter would say, 'perhaps when you're a little older, as your tastebuds will change'. And, naturally, they did and lots of foods that were unacceptable, suddenly became favourites as they loved to say'I think my tastebuds have changed!'
Now they are older, even if it's something they're not keen on, they have to have, and eat a little of it. Good thing is they both love veg, cabbage and sprouts included!

I have to admit I am a strong believer in a firm, but loving hand with children. Let's be honest, at the end of the day we are trying to raise sensible, caring, healthy adults. I had a heated debate with a friend recently who was complaining that her teenage daughter had been told off at school because she had dyed her hair bright blue. She said she should be allowed to express herself, I said that the she should learn that life is full of restrictions and rules and she needs to learn to respect them. As for good ? I brought my children up with a you eat what is cooked, at the table all together, I know there are days when commitments rule otherwise, but watching tv or playing a game doesn't count. I respect there are personal dislikes, my son hates carrots, but repulse and " not keen " are two different things. I try and instill in them that they should respect other people, my daughter loves cauliflower cheese, my son wouldn't choose it, but has it knowing she feels the same about risotto. I also don't believe in hiding veg, a carrot is a carrot and a sprout is a sprout, my DIL will only eat veg which is hidden, and only limited number of those, very hard when she's a vegetarian especially with a roast !

There rant over, I think? I did worn you it's a pet hate of mine

I was never forced to eat anything I didn't like as far as I can remember I think I was a very fussy eater and can remember chewing meat round and round
I never expected my kids to eat anything they expressly didn't like My son was very fussy wouldn't eat veg or fruit except reluctantly carrots and bananas My daughter in law has managed a bit better than me and he will eat sweet corn and a few other things but he's still a mainly meat man however he's extremely fit and dies ironman completions and runs every day
My grandkids have various likes and dislikes and a few intolerances so I m happy to go along with them I don't think it means they are divas I think food should be a pleasure something to look forward to not a punishment

First food. My parents were incredibly strict and we had to clear our plates. I can remember many miserable occasions when we had to sit a the table and the awful time when I rebelled, only to be sent to bed and the same cold veg served up the following morning. when my children came along I feel I was still strict, but we had a 'three mouthfuls rule' before giving up. When children came home from school, we had a drink and 2 biscuits (usually plainish ones) when we arrived home and then nothing else before evening dinner. We all sat at table and I think the children learned their manners, how to share and use cutlery by example. Mealtimes were full of chatter and bonded us as a family.

GS1 has been weaned using the baby-led method so was eating most of what his parents had by about 8 months and mealtimes have always been social for him too. He eats anything and everything - hot curries, chillies included. And I am glad my DD and SIL have stuck to just giving him water. I wish I had done that instead of squash!

Saying'No' - I think many parents are inclined to give in to their children more easily / see spoiling as being a'good' parent and aren't willing to cope with the tears that will inevitably come f they set some necessary boundaries. Part of this is, I think due to parents having less time with their children. When parents work full-time and children are in nursery more than at home, I do think a guilt factor sets in and means parents sometimes give way more easily.
Very practically, nurseries have their own routines so for very young children to have to navigate nursery and home, where meals may not follow to the same timings and there might not be the same rules, some problems can occur. If a parent has very limited time with their child they want it to be 'happy' and may compromise what they know to be right for a quiet life.

My children ate what was put in front of them, I really can't remember any major problem or issue! They also learned that 'no' did not mean yes in disguise and that bed time was just that. What a cruel mother I was!