Children don't hear the word 'no' often enough

Thank you Jaycee and others. I shall look it up. My DG's father was a real control freak type . His children and wife were terrified of him . I imagine my poor quiet DH as a child being force fed that half cooked egg and I could cry for him. Truly wicked ( I will show you who's boss) behaviour . Not sure what he gained except put my DH off poached egg and bananas for life .

As a Nana now, I don't sweat the small stuff. Forcing a child to eat everything on their plate is just storing up trouble for the future. It's not a good idea to make a child eat for the sake of eating when they are not hungry, that is a sure way to stoke up weight problems. If my DGD and DGSs don't like what is served up, plain bread and butter is the only alternative.

Anyway, back to hearing the word "no"!
It's estimated that the average child hears it ( or "don't" or "stop") about 400 times a day , so learn good behaviour in a very negative way. It also teaches them that unacceptable behaviour will get adult attention. Far better to encourage positive behaviour by telling the child what to do, rather than what not to do.
You can also have house rules for persistant problems, like, " We only have treats after meals", or, " We stay in our own beds"
I'm not saying there should never be times when we need to say " no", but you can show the " little emperors" who is in charge!

This thread seems to have mostly developed into a discussion about children and food, whereas the OP quoted Children need rules, boundaries and opportunities to feel the cold, go hungry and fall down and hurt themselves, so they can learn from their mistakes

I agree with the basic theory but all things in moderation. No-one is proposing to starve children, or let them outside without a coat in freezing temperatures, or say 'I told you so' and leave them in agony if they fall out of a tree and break a bone. However, how do they realise the consequences of their actions as they grow older and parents/carers are not always around to protect them from themselves?

My poor DGS unfortunately has no concept of what 'might' happen and frequently hears the words NO and STOP. He also gets praise and smiles heaped on him when he works something out for himself.

I can't agree with much of the OP tbh although I can understand and accept that children need boundaries ( often for their own safety) but my dads favourite word was "NO" . Not for any reason just because he was the boss .

Isn't this the same thing that older people always say about youngsters? Surely most of us can remember, when we were young, the older generations going on about how there was no discipline these days?

I once read a complaint about how kids were out of control and had awful table manners. It was in a book about Ancient Greece. Can't recall the speaker but he was a contemporary of Socrates. Some things never change.

Incidentally, the idea that Montessori encourages rudeness is untrue. Quiet thoughtfulness is encouraged. My DGDs go to a Montessori group twice a week and there is a lot of greeting others politely, waiting for everyone else before starting to eat lunch, listening to others without interrupting, etc. It's quite a polite, gentle theory of education.

Having had one son who would eat anything & another who was very fussy indeed I had no intention of having battles with DGC over food. From a very early age one of our favourite bedtime stories was Green Eggs & Ham by Dr Seuss.
If they turn their noses up at something we just say Green Eggs & Ham!!! & they know they have to taste just a tiny bit to see what it is actually like before they refuse it. Now the older DGC say it to the little ones. It usually works but I have given up on eggs with 2 of them as their dad still won't touch an egg so has never really given them to the children. Funnily enough the younger of the 3 loves them but he idolises his older cousins who love an egg for breakfast along with the daft games we play on Grandad with the empty shell! Same game I played with my boys & my parents played with me- some things never go out of fashion & they never tire of it although they MUST know by now that he is in on the game.

400 times a day?
Then it just becomes another word amongst the many they hear in a day.
If used when it is really needed it will have the impact that may be required to stop bad behaviour or to prevent an accident.

Giving children a choice sometimes can be a positive thing - it does help to nurture decision-making

Most children will "try it on" and surely it is for the parents to be the adults in the relationship. If a child who cannot swim wanted to jump in the deep end of a swimming pool you would stop them, if a child wanted to run into a busy road you would stop them. Children know no fear. As for fussy eaters, if they try something and decide they don't like it that is fair enough, although in my experience if you serve it to siblings and not them, they suddenly decide it's not so bad after all!

I did follow the same strict rules of eating what they were given when my children were young .. my daughter disliked kippers but I had insisted that she ate it before she was allowed to leave the table and when she finally decided to I was totally shocked as I watched her gradually become very pale and ill and from then on I realized how wrong it was .. however I would never make something different for each member of the family which is what my SIL used to do for all six of their family .. and when I said No my children knew that I meant no!

I our house if any of the children said they did not like something their siblings would quickly put it on their plates and it was gone in seconds. They soon learned not to be fussy.

I think being forced to eat everything up from your plate was more to do with wartime babies and post war babies. There were such shortages of food in those times it was almost criminal to waste a single thing. I was a post war baby and still clearly remember ration books until 1954. A lot of our parents remembered how hard food was to come by and often this was reflected in their waste not want not attitude at mealtimes...my own included. I never forced my own children to eat things they had a genuine dislike for but it was often a different matter visiting their grandparents who still had the wartime outlook regarding food. A lot of families nowadays allow their children to eat/snack between meals so that children don"t often finish what is on their plates because their appetites have been spoiled by sweets and snacks. This is were no should be applied....and a particular time during the day for their little sweet treats.......and not allowed randomly.

What worked for me is that I put out a jar of peanut butter on the table with bread every night as my children liked that. If they didn't like what I served they made a sandwich for themselves.
Also each child was responsible for helping me plan a meal they liked once a week for the family. They enjoyed that and ate what they planned.

I think school has become so stressful and controlled these days that children need their time at home to have some freedom and make their own choices.

Allule, I think school now is much less controlled than before, certainly much less than in my day.
I agree that choice making is good for children, but would only offer options I approved of! " Do you want to wear the green top or the blue one?"

Hear the word no. Yes, my grandchildren hear it - from me at least To be fair I think that they all hear it enough. I remember nearly 40 years ago I came into the kitchen to find my mother in law cowering in the corner, being pelted with food by my son who was in his high chair! Obviously I soon put a stop to that by telling him, "NO!" She replied that children shouldn't hear that word. Which goes a way to explain why her son and I didn't stay together.

Jalima the film you referred to is The Family way with Hayley Mills I think. I always think of th`t film too when people talk about getting food out again which a child refused to eat. A rather unhygienic practice. I agre with others - try to get them to try a little before they say they dont like it, and and dont give anything else if they wont eat it.

I was forced to eat as a child and I still have nightmares about it! Consequently I never ever forced my children to eat, nor did I try to persuade them. I didn't cook alternatives, either, but if they didn't fancy the meal I served, they knew they could help themselves to bread, cheese and fruit, so they didn't go hungry.
The result is three adults who eat anything (tho' my daughter is vegan on ethical grounds) and all are very good cooks who are relaxed about food.

I cant remember being fussy or not as a child ,but I'll eat just about anything now.My only two dislikes are coconut and garlic.would'nt order ameal with it in but could eat it if served up. As for coconut no way.

I think it is the children who are ignored by their parents who are the most likely to misbehave. I often see little children, often toddlers in buggies, asking their mum a question, or just generally trying to engage with her, and being totally ignored. The child then goes to increasing lengths to attract their mum's attention, by moaning, crying, shouting, kicking their legs about, etc. Mum is often oblivious, either using her mobile phone or even just sitting there taking no notice whatsoever of the child. When I'm out and about with my toddler grandson, I chat to him, talk about things we can see, etc, and he's generally happy and cooperative, unless he's tired or hungry.

If I read into it correctly, this post means A. Not be afraid to discipline kids. B. Let them make their own mistakes without shielding them from the inevitable hardships of growing up C. Allow them to learn from the experience.

I agree....Many (spoiled, entitled) young adults today can't even hear the word 'No" without going into a tailspin!

allule, I agree, children need mum focused time to be children, I do not like reception year or pushing small children too much.

Jamillal Yes you did and yes that was it. I must be more patient and read before posting!

pollyperkins, no it isn't The Family Way, tat had John Mills as the father and the poor couple couldn't even consumate their marriage due to various obstacles!

When my gc were young and came to visit or stay we had rules! We all ate together the one meal and you had a choice of what went on your plate and how much. If you left most of it then no pudding and it worked. I never cooked dishes that I knew they had tried but didn't like. Small children I am told, often don't like some food because of the texture not the taste. I have never liked potatoes and once at school I was made to sit at the table until I had ate them, afterwards I was sick. When I told my dad he went to the school and they were told that I was never to be made to do that again.