Playing with fire

trisher?

I think it depends a lot on whether the slap is pre-meditated or a spur of the moment thing.
I remember that when I was little, I did something or other which was considered naughty - can't even remember what it was - and, after my dad had come home from work, and they had discussed my misdemeanour, they agreed that I should have a good spanking. this was some time after the offence, whatever it was, so Mum took me upstairs, made me lie down on my bed, pulled my pants down and gave me a good hiding. I was so shocked that I remember it to this day, as it was so cold and pre-meditated and so much time had elapsed since I did whatever it was. I'm still appalled at the thought of it.
On only about three occasions in her childhood, did I give my daughter a quick smack, and then it was immediately after she did whatever it was that was wrong.
The main sanction was a video ban or a felt-tip ban (!) if she was particularly naughty, and this worked a treat! (she was actually a very well-behaved child, but nobody's perfect!)

Ginger79, I'm with you there as I think that shouting and swearing at a child is more offensive than a slap. I can't bear it when I hear raised voices toward a child of any age.

My own mother was always ready with a smack but it was not the physical which hurt but what seemed an inability for her to show me any affection and was to become more obvious in my adult years.

I was just wondering how many of the parent smackers on here have also smacked their GCs? Or don't they dare because their DCs wouldn't approve.
How to raise a child wthout smacking:
1. Make sure they are surrounded with love, a child who is loved and cared for cares for others.
2. Use your voice and your face to show disapproval when a child does something wrong.
3.Give praise when a child behaves well. The more the better. One word of praise is worth ten of condemnation.
4. If a child does something unacceptable like biting another child take them away from the child and tell them why. You don't need to smack, just to stop the child doing it and if that means crawling around after the child to intercept a bite well accept it's part of the job. Just as ignoring a child because you are on your phone is wrong so is ignoring them whilst they are playing because giving them a smack is easier.
5. Never give in to screaming and yelling. Remain as calm as you can and explain what you want the child to do.
6. Be consistent if something is wrong one day you can't let a child do it another day because you are busy. Removing a toy, using the naughty step and time out can all work, but what should matter most to the child is that you find something wrong. Mostly children want to please.
7. Play with your child, talk to them and listen to them
8. Give lots of hugs and repeat 1 as much as possible.
I am amazed that so many people feel smacking was not only necessary but are proud of doing it.

Oh dear. Parenting by fear still seems to be prevalent. I am a parent who never smacked my children and a teacher who saw the consequences of children who had been assaulted by parents.

Hurrah! I do so agree. It is so obvious.

disagree. its assault same as if you hit an adult.

Why would anybody want to physically hurt another human being never mind a vulnerable child?

If a teacher can conrrol 30 children without the use of physical violence, then why can't a parent?

How does one measure pain in child?
because surely for the 'slap/smack' to work the child would have to feel pain or at the very least discomfort.

I also am not a liberal or have fed my children/grandchildren mung beans!!!

If my daughter smacks her son (my grandson) can I then give her a slap as she is my child.
At what age should parents stop smacking their children???

Whitewavemark2 no, the nursery shouldn't have to because discipline 'should' start at home.

Too many liberal parents are shoving the responsibility onto nursery staff and teachers because they are either too lazy (tough love is difficult) or too afraid to enforce any discipline on their children at the optimum age.

Before they go out into the world and are expected 'not' to behave like animals.

After witnessing shouting and swearing at a small child I would prefer a quick slap.

Blimey I trust the nursery aren’t slapping the children

Will you ever tell us how you did it maryeliza54

Does it just require a degree in 'emotional' intelligence?

Is this somehow telepathically transmitted to the 2 year old who is biting chunks out of his brother or nursery chum?

I was always so worried when DM would say naughty children get taken away.
I read one post on Facebook, it said don’t take electronics away, take just the charger then see how they panic as the charge runs out, to me that is unkind.
Mine didn’t get any bad slaps but remember one day my DS kept going and trying to put his fingers through the bars of my mum’s electric fire, I kept saying no and taking him away, he kept pushing and pushing it though and in the end he did get a smack across his fingers and I told him the fire would really hurt, never did it again.
He is now 27 and works as a youth pastor and sometimes does the sermon in church, he has his own baby now and agrees that a smack on the hand never hurts to prevent a danger

There’s quite a few of us on here who have been emotionally intelligent enough to bring up our children without any form of physical abuse or the risible use of threats and/or deprivation of favourite toys, love and treats. That clearly makes some of you feel very defensive.

I can sympathise - but not excuse parents who give a smack to a child when they reach the end of their tether, but there is no excuse for parents who discipline their children with slippers, belts or wooden spoons. A grown adult who hits a child should be ashamed and should face the legal consequences..

Have we actually had maryeliza's training method satisfactorily explained? We would all be very interested. .

I agree with one part of your post MagicWand that different children require different levels of discipline.

I was was brought up 10 years after my 2 elder sisters during which time it was very normal to give kids a clump if they misbehaved. My 2 elder sisters never, ever were smacked by my father. I got quite a few. But I was a very naughty child and I thank him now for that discipline as I could write a book of all my exploits at that age.

Regarding my own 3 boys; I rarely had to smack the middle one as he was very placid and I had to 'park' him in the middle of the other two when we went out in the car or they would fight. The eldest was an absolute nightmare who would've killed himself if I hadn't given him an occasional short sharp shock to stop him from riding his bike down a set of concrete steps and so on.

EllenVallin I completely agree with all your points. I take umbrage at those who try to imply you are a child abusing monster because you gave your child a 'measured' (you shouldn't slap your kids if you are in a temper) smack for bad behaviour. And it saves hours of boredom on the naughty step.

I have no idea why some smug people have reared little darlings who required nothing more than a ‘Sweetie. Sit there and let’s discuss why you just bit Tarquin’ when the rest of us who live in the ‘real’ world (no, not dragged up in violent poverty) believe an occasional smack is acceptable.

Maybe it’s all the mung beans. They haven’t got the energy to do anything naughty.

I simply can’t understand how on Earth it gets to the state where only a slap will stop a child.
How inadequate are the parents who can’t control the situation to that extent? Parenting isn’t just about reacting it is as much about foreseeing and preventing.

My daughter (I can hear myself?) only have to say Um in a very determined way and both the boys would know to stop.
When they were tiny different tactics were used that the child understood.

To say that as a result of no physical violence children are out of control is beyond ridiculous.

My children were always known and commented on for their good behaviour. One of the grandsons in particular was chosen as a mentor at school.

Do not generalise. When seeing a child behaving badly it is usually down to poor parenting, but slapping is not the answer. You do not own that child to do with as you wish. You have a responsibility to rear an adult that make good, honest citizens.

Mycatisahacker just wondering if you (or any other GNer) have cat or indeed any pet that you would hit (smack) if it had done something that you considered to be bad behaviour or naughty?

JenniferEccles, no, you're not the only one who has noticed this bad behaviour since the " abolition " of smacking---------from interfering busybodies !

One or two slaps within the family home doesn't equate to a violent home so stop exaggerating.

I occasionally smacked my 2 older children and suspect it was more for my benefit than theirs. After a 16 year gap I had child 3 and never slapped her. I am now totally against any form of physical chastisement.

How can non-violence be taught to children,or anyone, if they are subjected to violence?

Ever since the 'no smacking' came into force, am I the only one to have noticed just how many badly behaved children there are around these days? They are everywhere - in shops, cafes, restaurants - children completely out of their parents' control.

A very occasional quick slap on the back of the legs does no psychological harm whatsoever to a child.