Privileged Pain

When you cant afford to bury your child,guilt is added to the mix,that you cant give them the very best funeral.Undertakers I have dealt with demand payment up front.

If you are on a low income,and cannot insure your own life,as well as that of your child,other children in the family need consideration of their needs as well.If you are on a low income/ benefits you are unlikely to get a loan.

How do I know this,I have buried two children.

Money wouldnt have taken my grief away,but the pain and struggle for the funerals wouldnt have been added to the grief I felt then and will continue to feel until the day I draw my last breath

So notanan I deduce that you accept my proposition that if money makes grief easier, impoverished parents will also have their grief easied by no longer having the financial pressures of the cost of looking after a disabled child and will therfeore have more money in their pockets.

Not to decry anything you may have suffered Notanan2.
Everything is relative isn’t it , still now in 2019. We still see/ watch programmes of starving children.
Grief affects all who have suffered loss. You are suggesting wealth would help grief it doesn’t, it helps their day to day living that they don’t have extra to worry about, but it does not ease the pain of their Grief.

and layers of hardship and poverty.

Not grief itself, no

But layers of anger and sadness can be added on top of the grief, sometimes even taking over and disallowing the person to grieve, when they death comes after a long catalogue of failures at the hand/mercy of the system, or even because of those failures.

There was a discussion on this forum about two young boys whose mother had died, it was said because they had wealth it
helped their grief because they could afford the best counselling, have holidays to take their mind off their grief.

Why oh who do some think money eases grief , nothing eases
grief

You have expressed your opinion, using your computer no I didn't. Silly post.

I see you have not personally lost a child notanan no, but I have listened to anger towards DC expressed by some who have.

And I can understand why they feel that way.

And others may not feel that way.

And a big hug.

Very well put Monica, a very good point well written.

When my sister died, my parents were not rich but had no money worries, I can assure the doubters the death of a child, even an adult child is absolute. It undoubtedly shortened my mother's life.

What ever that particular government did to the NHS, education etc. David Cameron was always very vocal in his praise for the NHS and all they did to help his family.

I am now going to say something untterly outrageous. If you follow notaman's argument to its logical conclusion, that money makes the grief of the loss of a child easier to bear, could it not also be argued that because an impoverished family no longer has their poverty made worse by the expense of looking after a seriously disabled child, the inprovement in their material circumstances will make their grief less. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me be clear I am absolutely not saying that is so, but it is the natural follow on for those who think money can temper grief. You cannot have it one way and not the other.

Notanan2,
You have expressed your opinion, using your computer , which you must have purchased & pay for its use on the Internet
If you view life in terms of have & have nots in the way that you have, then I suggest you sell your computer & donate the proceeds to a charity of your choice, we may then be able to admire & respect your opinion.

True Maw , I have never had money, live in council sheltered accommodation, couldn’t have a home with two bedrooms so my daughter could live with me even though I
was her carer.

When she died I did love, feel, grieve , without money.

How can anyone be judgemental of a grieving parent?

I am appalled that anyone thinks that there was any merit in the Guardian story. How crass.

Unbelievable that a child’s death can be used for political point scoring or claiming that money can ease the nightmare.

Nobody has said that. I was at pains to point out that it cannot:

The pain and loss of a bereaved parent is something only they can know, and isn't connected with money; but the life that the disabled child, the other children in the family, and the parents can live is absolutely connected.

Another GN thread that I am leaving.............

It does the opposite. It allows you to feel it. It frees you up to love, grieve, feel

There is such a thing as not being able to afford to grieve properly
???????
I see you have not personally lost a child notanan

That figures. .

And then knowing that DC, who you hoped would be an advocate. Let that happen.

Doodledog make the best of things ? When your child dies there is no - best of everything.

No.

But there is knowing you gave them the best life they could have possibly lived.

And then there is knowing that they never got to reach the potential of the quality of life they could have had in their short time because you werent privilidged enough to give it to them.

I believe the Guardian has now apolgised for this?

Doodledog make the best of things ? When your child dies there is no - best of everything.

Unbelievable that a child’s death can be used for political point scoring or claiming that money can ease the nightmare.

And Gordon Brown Doodledog? Should he have been targeted similarly?

I wasn't making a political point at all, so didn't realise that all other politicians should also be considered; but yes, of course.

The point is that anyone with money is able to make the best of things in a way that those without can not. In most cases that makes little or no difference to other people; but if you are in a position to make laws to help others and choose not to, then I think that you are asking for criticism.

Privileged to make the best of things.

Wow.

And Gordon Brown Doodledog? Should he have been targeted similarly?

I'll ask again then - is there an income threshold which makes the pain privileged (and therefore open to criticism or sneering?)

Well yes, I get that, totally. But it is a whole different issue, surely.