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Privileged Pain

(109 Posts)
TerriBull Tue 17-Sep-19 11:09:13

Can someone explain this to me, according to The Guardian it's what David Cameron experienced when his disabled son died. Is a newspaper able to interpret someone else's grief and speak for them? shock Whilst not in anyway in the same financial bracket as DC, my husband lost his son a few years ago, we weren't, or aren't on our uppers, reasonably comfortably off, in that we are fortunate. Our financial circumstances never mitigated my husband's pain and grief. it's always something he will carry with him.

M0nica Tue 17-Sep-19 11:15:00

I think it was a vile thing to say. The loss of a child, is the loss of a child. All the money in the world is not sufficient recompense.

TerriBull Tue 17-Sep-19 11:20:32

My thoughts too Monica, I wasn't a fan of DC as PM, a complete lightweight in so many ways and of course his legacy is always going to be the mess we're in right now. However, The Guardian stooped to a new low with that one, not the first time it's given a platform to others to utter similar sentiments. The loss of a child is not a subject that should be used against the person they are seeking to criticize imo.

Anniebach Tue 17-Sep-19 11:24:30

I hadn’t read this so just googled it.

Vile, sick, cruel. No amount of money could have eased my grief when my darling Catherine died, no amount of money
could ease it now and never will.

sunseeker Tue 17-Sep-19 11:25:25

I understand the Guardian has now apologised. Should never have been printed in the first place.

SirChenjin Tue 17-Sep-19 11:26:45

There was a particularly viscious thread on MN about this a while ago. Apparently (and I'm paraphrasing obviously) it's because the family didn't have to worry about the financial side of having a disabled child (the Tories have reduced welfare payments to people who need them) and they were able to buy the help they needed which made things much easier for the family. It was awful to read.

janeainsworth Tue 17-Sep-19 11:28:45

I watched David Cameron’s interview with Tom Bradby last night.
His continuing love and grief for Ivan shone through. No amount of money or privilege could ease that pain.

TerriBull Tue 17-Sep-19 11:32:22

flowers so sorry Annie, I know it won't, and one has to have suffered that or be with someone who has, to know that it is indeed the greatest loss.

Just wish editors and individuals who think they can write about other people's grief and loss just wouldn't it's crass beyond belief. I was never a great fan of Gordon Brown, but similarly his heartbreak over the loss of a daughter was palpable. I remember him making the announcement in Parliament the day the Cameron's son died and thought, you understand what they are feeling.

TerriBull Tue 17-Sep-19 11:34:37

Camerons' son

notanan2 Tue 17-Sep-19 11:43:01

I dont think it means to deminish what he DID experience, but for most parents with disabled children the most devastating hardship is having to always fight for the basics.

DC it was hoped, would have some understanding of this but it turned out he didnt show any great empathy towards the plight of the poor disabled.

For DCs loss WAS tragic and we should all empathise on him losing his child

But he lost his child having given him all he could.

When most parents of disabled children are then bereaved, their loss is mixed with the gall of having not been able to provide them with even the most basic necessities or the quality of life they COULD have achieved when they were alive

MawB Tue 17-Sep-19 11:43:37

I have lost a lot of respect for the Guardian over this. It was cheap, cruel and unworthy of them.
OK they retracted and apologised but that is not the point.
When I think of the vitriol which was poured out everywhere over John Bercow’s relatively harmless (to me anyway) comments to the egregious Gove, my sense of decency is totally affronted.

MawB Tue 17-Sep-19 11:44:47

No notanan there are no degrees of difference over having a profoundly disabled child or losing a child.
It is 100% whatever the circumstances.

jura2 Tue 17-Sep-19 11:45:56

Would rather read the whole article before commenting- but yes, it was nasty and insensitive to say so (and I am NO fan of Cameron).

notanan2 Tue 17-Sep-19 11:47:10

For people whose disabled children suffered under the Tory government I can understand why their anger is particularly aimed at DC. Because they think he should have "got it". He should have cared about the Ivans who werent born into money and connections.

They hold him more guilty than others for that reason.

Anniebach Tue 17-Sep-19 11:49:02

The death of Cameron’s child should not be used for political
point scoring .

notanan2 Tue 17-Sep-19 11:51:12

Money does, not ease grief, but allows you to focus on the person and the loss.

Even burying a loved one is different with money. You can focus on the memorial and on coping woth your grief rather than it being dominated by how you pay for the funeral or cope with the loss of earnings that led up to it.

Money allows you to FEEL the grief that otherwise takes a back seat to the huge burden of the financial toll.

You dont love more or less
You dont grieve more or less
But you can invest more in FEELING both in the moment

MawB Tue 17-Sep-19 11:55:47

Still think you are way off beam Notanan ?

MawB Tue 17-Sep-19 11:56:56

“Focusing on memories” is cr*p when you lose a child or a partner - what a stupid comment.

Dinahmo Tue 17-Sep-19 11:59:06

DC was in a privileged position - he didn't have to worry about his livelihood or taking time to care for his child. Also he was able to buy the support that he needed. Most people in that situation have to worry about those things, in addition to worrying about their child.

DC was PM during a time of austerity of which he had no experience and I think that is what the Guardian writer was attempting to put over. Perhaps not very well.

Anniebach Tue 17-Sep-19 11:59:42

You can’t focus on anything other than your child is dead

MawB Tue 17-Sep-19 12:01:26

No.;o, no * Dinahmo*
Money may ease the superficial practicalities of life but in no way eases the grief.

jura2 Tue 17-Sep-19 12:02:58

Agreed Maw - one could even say (and I wouldn't) that being in the spot light could make things much worse, if that was at all possible.

Pantglas2 Tue 17-Sep-19 12:04:31

If the Guardian weren’t so biased in its views they might also have targeted Gordon Brown who lost his beloved daughter and did zilch for low earners by taking the 10% income tax threshold away. Privileged pain indeed!

GrannyGravy13 Tue 17-Sep-19 12:10:56

Grief is Grief, it is all encompassing and I can assure you that being financially sound is absolutely no consolation or balm!!!

Callistemon Tue 17-Sep-19 12:14:01

There is no excuse for this type of gutter journalism notanan and Dinahmo.

Nothing can take away the pain of losing a child, whether that child is with you for years or, as in many cases, never got the chance of life.