Privileged Pain

I agree with notanan. It's not about rich or poor feeling more or less - it's about being able to adapt your house, hire a nanny/carers to be with your child so that you and/or your other children can do the sorts of things that other families do. It's about not being constantly worried about money because you or your partner can't work so that you/they can be with the disabled child. It's about being able to ensure that however limited the life of the disabled child, s/he is given the best chance to make the most of it.

The pain and loss of a bereaved parent is something only they can know, and isn't connected with money; but the life that the disabled child, the other children in the family, and the parents can live is absolutely connected.

David Cameron came under fire for being someone who should have known this, but chose to do nothing to mitigate the circumstances of other parents in his position. The OP asked for an explanation of 'privileged pain'. I would say that it is feeling the pain, but being privileged enough to make the best of things.

*How cruel notanan . Nothing is stronger than the grief , it
is so overwhelming, nothing eases it*

I didnt say its eased. I said some people cannot even afford to let the world stop and balls drop for for one they lost

When the world can't stop for the person thats lost because theyre already one step away from the streets with their other children.

notanan do you have any experience at all of how a bereaved parent feels?

Not myself but a close family friend lost a disabled child after years of being failed by the system. So I understand the hope invested in DC and the anger when it was missplaced.

It was a totally ridiculous and sick thing to print. Pain and loss especially of a beloved child are not correlated with wealth in any way.

notanan do you have any experience at all of how a bereaved parent feels?

I agree with all the comments made by Terribull. Totally crass thing to say and publish.

How cruel notanan . Nothing is stronger than the grief , it
is so overwhelming, nothing eases it,

Money may ease the superficial practicalities of life but in no way eases the grief.

It does the opposite. It allows you to feel it. It frees you up to love, grieve, feel.

There is such a thing as not being able to afford to grieve properly.

“Focusing on memories” is cr*p when you lose a child or a partner - what a stupid comment.

Didnt sau that, said you can be at the memorial. You get to grieve. Not panic about the next bill or feeding your other children

Is there a financial threshold at which you're allowed to feel the grief? £50k pa? £100k pa? £250k pa?

There is no excuse for this type of gutter journalism notanan and Dinahmo.

Nothing can take away the pain of losing a child, whether that child is with you for years or, as in many cases, never got the chance of life.

Grief is Grief, it is all encompassing and I can assure you that being financially sound is absolutely no consolation or balm!!!

If the Guardian weren’t so biased in its views they might also have targeted Gordon Brown who lost his beloved daughter and did zilch for low earners by taking the 10% income tax threshold away. Privileged pain indeed!

Agreed Maw - one could even say (and I wouldn't) that being in the spot light could make things much worse, if that was at all possible.

No.;o, no * Dinahmo*
Money may ease the superficial practicalities of life but in no way eases the grief.

You can’t focus on anything other than your child is dead

DC was in a privileged position - he didn't have to worry about his livelihood or taking time to care for his child. Also he was able to buy the support that he needed. Most people in that situation have to worry about those things, in addition to worrying about their child.

DC was PM during a time of austerity of which he had no experience and I think that is what the Guardian writer was attempting to put over. Perhaps not very well.

“Focusing on memories” is cr*p when you lose a child or a partner - what a stupid comment.

Still think you are way off beam Notanan ?

Money does, not ease grief, but allows you to focus on the person and the loss.

Even burying a loved one is different with money. You can focus on the memorial and on coping woth your grief rather than it being dominated by how you pay for the funeral or cope with the loss of earnings that led up to it.

Money allows you to FEEL the grief that otherwise takes a back seat to the huge burden of the financial toll.

You dont love more or less
You dont grieve more or less
But you can invest more in FEELING both in the moment

The death of Cameron’s child should not be used for political
point scoring .

For people whose disabled children suffered under the Tory government I can understand why their anger is particularly aimed at DC. Because they think he should have "got it". He should have cared about the Ivans who werent born into money and connections.

They hold him more guilty than others for that reason.

Would rather read the whole article before commenting- but yes, it was nasty and insensitive to say so (and I am NO fan of Cameron).

No notanan there are no degrees of difference over having a profoundly disabled child or losing a child.
It is 100% whatever the circumstances.

I have lost a lot of respect for the Guardian over this. It was cheap, cruel and unworthy of them.
OK they retracted and apologised but that is not the point.
When I think of the vitriol which was poured out everywhere over John Bercow’s relatively harmless (to me anyway) comments to the egregious Gove, my sense of decency is totally affronted.

I dont think it means to deminish what he DID experience, but for most parents with disabled children the most devastating hardship is having to always fight for the basics.

DC it was hoped, would have some understanding of this but it turned out he didnt show any great empathy towards the plight of the poor disabled.

For DCs loss WAS tragic and we should all empathise on him losing his child

But he lost his child having given him all he could.

When most parents of disabled children are then bereaved, their loss is mixed with the gall of having not been able to provide them with even the most basic necessities or the quality of life they COULD have achieved when they were alive