Should there be apologies made for adoptions

I just thnk all this apologising for the past ispointless. Other times other customs. Every generation since time began has done something its successors did not approve of

The underlying point of progress is believing we can do better than those that went before. What about all those 19th century illegitimate children taken by baby farmers who probably killed lot of the children, well, starved them to death. At least in more recent times they went to homes and probably survived to adulthood.

I see no point in the present government apologising for things that happened in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s.

It wasn’t the then governments who made the women have their babies adopted.

Saying ‘sorry’ resolves nothing.

‘Fine words butter no parsnips’.

If it had been a government policy then I can see why a government apology would be appropriate, but it wasn't, its the people who ran the institutions who need to apologise before the government does. Or at least acknowledge that it was wrong.

I had a friend who was bought up believing that they had been adopted, as an adult they decided to trace their birth mother, only to find out that they hadn't been adopted, they'd been sold by the church. The church has a lot of damage to acknowledge and apologise for. Im

Perhaps rather than apology somebody needs to say that we recognise how awful and wrong it was. If nothing is said are we not complicit?

I agree with varian can't see why the Government should apologise now. It was a different time and religious leaders have a lot to answer for. My own birth mother and her family belonged to a very strict religious sect and she never told them she had a child. I understand the pain of mothers forced to give up their children but I don't see how a meaningless Government apology will make things any better.
What about all the women who spent decades in psychiatric hospitals classed as "moral defectives" because they had children out of wedlock. They had no lives at all.

My friend had an illegitimate baby in 1970 and her mother made arrangements for him to be adopted. At the last moment her father went and brought them both home. My friend's mother was quite a battle axe and ruled with a rod of iron but her father stood up to her when it counted.

My friends son was born with severe learning difficulties and died aged 45 but he was loved by all her family and friends even her mum. I wonder what would have happened if he had been adopted.

Part of Julia Gillard's speech on the same subject in Australia.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ5gE_8TRzM

Grammaretto - you expressed very well what I wanted to say.

Some things don't change in this century either !

I feel an apology is a sign that we, society are ashamed of our past behaviour and never want young women/girls to have to be put through the pain , humiliation and grief ever again.
This is a very good point. I didn't see the point of an apology, but if it gets that message across it can do no harm.

Shinamae

I was in an unmarried mothers home run by the church and had my baby girl adopted in March 1972 when I was 19 and she was 10 weeks old... I had to sign papers and was told I would never see or hear about her once the papers were signed and the only thing I was told was that her new father and mother were teachers and that she would have an older brother... I can well remember the day the matron told me to dress her nicely and leave her in the crib in the nursery and not to go in there for next half hour and, of course when I did eventually go in she was gone.... can’t really think what got an apology would do...

Shinamae, this is so sad. ??

I feel an apology is a sign that we, society are ashamed of our past behaviour and never want young women/girls to have to be put through the pain , humiliation and grief ever again.

I can well remember my DM warning us girls that having sex before marriage would ruin our lives.
We knew one girl who had a baby who she kept and was supported by her parents. "No nice man will ever marry her now! " was the threat.
Ofcourse she met a very nice man and had more children. A happy ending for her.
.

Shinamae, so sorry to read your experience.

I’m unsure about a government apology. It wasn’t government policy, it was societal belief systems and prejudice that led to the adoptions. The lack of practical and financial support along with their families shame were part of this. I don’t recall if the young mothers were asked to give written consent, it seems more likely they were just told their baby would ge adopted and ‘have a better life’

It’s rare for a healthy baby to be relinquished for adoption these days. Infants and children are more likely to be adopted against their parents wishes because of neglect or abuse. Whilst I agree this sometimes needs to happen for the protection of the child, inevitably mothers are bereft. As are the father and sometimes other family members, especially siblings.

Shinamae So sorry to read your story. How heartbreaking for you

Irish and Australian governments have apologised for past wrongs in adoption practice and Gordon Brown's government apologised for child migration (which affected a lot less people). I think the government should apologise.
Equally, the Catholic church in England apologised but the Church of England hasn't and I think they should. The Church ran most mother and baby homes and employed the moral welfare officers/social workers.

The only people who should apologise should be those who were instrumental in inflicting this injury - the churches, institutions, perhaps the families but not the government who happen to be in office many years after these dreadful things occurred.

I think it's a recognition that something terrible was done by society to the women and children. It was a societal issue and I dont thinkn the government are saying they are responsible but that society was responsible. Responsible might even be the wrong word, its acknowledging a terrible wrong. I think that's the right thing to do.

maddyone I'm glad you started this thread as I too can't understand what any action from today's government would achieve or why they should be held accountable. Of course the whole situation was an outrage, thank goodness we live in kinder times and societal norms have changed. My mother gave birth to my brother in an institution for unmarried mothers in the 1940s; her own mother had had her 12th baby just eighteen months earlier. But my lovely granddad went and fetched them both home and my brother was raised along with all the others.

I can’t agree with the government apologising , who will they be apologising for ? It is so sad , so much heartache

Who should apologise for all the women burnt as witches hundreds of years ago?

How far does this apologising for everything go?

It is not that I do not have the utmost sympathy for these mothers - and their children, but to quote a desperately hackneyed saying (because it is so true) ^ the past is another country, they do things differently there.^

I oftn wonder what we are doing now, that we find completely acceptable , even commendable that someone will not want an apology for in 50 years time.

I think if folk will feel comforted by an apology then it should be made.

Shinamae

I was in an unmarried mothers home run by the church and had my baby girl adopted in March 1972 when I was 19 and she was 10 weeks old... I had to sign papers and was told I would never see or hear about her once the papers were signed and the only thing I was told was that her new father and mother were teachers and that she would have an older brother... I can well remember the day the matron told me to dress her nicely and leave her in the crib in the nursery and not to go in there for next half hour and, of course when I did eventually go in she was gone.... can’t really think what got an apology would do...

I am so sad to read this. I hope you find some peace. x

There was an incredibly moving segment on Call Kaye on Radio Scotland this morning, where 2 mothers talked about their experiences. One was a former MP. What she described was harrowing. She wasn't even given pain relief during an episiotomy (sp?) because the medical staff said to her that she needed to suffer the pain so that she wouldn't get herself into this situation again.

Before I heard it, I would have agreed with the posters here who said that apologies weren't necessary, or even appropriate, but the MP said that that a proper apology, on behalf of the country, I suppose, would help her feel that the world had moved on and acknowledged that what happened to them was wrong.

Shinamae I am sorry to read your post, that must have been terrible for you.

The parents of these young women who were forced to give up their babies are the ones who needed to apologise.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Shinamae. It must have been heartbreaking.

It's not for me to say, as I have no experience on either side of this, but I'm not sure that an apology will make any difference either. The young women who had their babies taken from them may be entitled to compensation, but knowing how these things go they would probably have the cost of rearing the babies deducted from any award, and the trauma of the claim would make any payment insignificant.

The babies themselves will have had mixed fortunes, just as those born to natural parents. Some will have had loving parents and good lives, whilst others will not.