Nicola Bulley 45y Old mum of 2 little girls missing from River Wyre area since last Friday morning at 9:15am walking her dog, Willow.

Yes me too Kate. Unless we walk in someone else’s shoes we never really know what’s going on in their life.

I think it would have reduced the media speculation if it was known she was very vulnerable not increased it.

Exact details need not have been given at that point: just a "Very vulnerable person".

The partner was keen to emphasise at the beginning it was "just a normal family, we were going to get married etc".

So very understandable, wanting to protect, protect the children who may have been unaware of mum's problems, but it makes me very sad that people still need to "hide" what it now appears were M health related problems.

Fanny and Maddy I think what the diver means is they were looking for a body which after a week or so would float, someone committing suicide by downing would need to put weights in their pockets or something heavy around them
(it’s not easy to drown if you are a good swimmer in still waters) and that heaviness would not have them floating or moving with the tidal flow the body could be stuck in mud and weeds right were she went in
Not in any way saying that’s what happened just that that could be the difference he meant

I think the police have done what the family wanted and they kept quiet about the real reasons behind her disappearance for the first three weeks now the family (heard a statement on radio today) have asked them to disclose this information

We need to give the police and the divers a break

I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest.

Satisfying prurient interest in someone's personal life is not going to help a search for a missing person - only those who live nearby would be likely to spot her anyway, and I can't see how telling the neighbours about her problems is going to make a difference. If anything, if she is alive knowing that her personal details have been discussed in the media might deter her from going home. If she is dead, how can it help her children to have that sort of gossip?

Obviously we don't know how the investigation is going, but why does it matter what the public think of how it is being conducted? The police need to find Nicola one way or another, not to make themselves popular. I feel really uncomfortable about it all.

Doodledog

I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest.

Satisfying prurient interest in someone's personal life is not going to help a search for a missing person - only those who live nearby would be likely to spot her anyway, and I can't see how telling the neighbours about her problems is going to make a difference. If anything, if she is alive knowing that her personal details have been discussed in the media might deter her from going home. If she is dead, how can it help her children to have that sort of gossip?

Obviously we don't know how the investigation is going, but why does it matter what the public think of how it is being conducted? The police need to find Nicola one way or another, not to make themselves popular. I feel really uncomfortable about it all.

Excellent Post.

I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest.
👍

Very good summing up and good points in your post, Doodledog

I think the police have endured so much criticism that they had to defend themselves. They did so as tactfully and respectfully as they could. Unfortunately the children would not be unaware of her problems, and the police turning up shortly before she went missing would not have gone unnoticed by neighbours. Had she been found quickly an inquest would have been opened shortly afterwards. I refrained from speculating about how she drowned after reading about Joseanne’s tragic experience. If a strong swimmer is determined to drown, the assistance they choose is obvious.

Thank you BlueBelle. It is a very distressing case and I just hope they find her soon. It would bring a very sad closure to the family.

I agree with you doodledog

I also think lots of people have issues with alcohol dependency because of it's accessibility and life is pretty stressful for a lot of people and accessing help for health is becoming increasingly difficult. Nicola will not be alone in this struggle, in fact I hazard a guess it is pretty common

Doodledog

I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest.

Satisfying prurient interest in someone's personal life is not going to help a search for a missing person - only those who live nearby would be likely to spot her anyway, and I can't see how telling the neighbours about her problems is going to make a difference. If anything, if she is alive knowing that her personal details have been discussed in the media might deter her from going home. If she is dead, how can it help her children to have that sort of gossip?

Obviously we don't know how the investigation is going, but why does it matter what the public think of how it is being conducted? The police need to find Nicola one way or another, not to make themselves popular. I feel really uncomfortable about it all.

This post sums it all up precisely.

The public are over invested in this case as they have been in others in the past. The police must do their job and not worry about popularity. I just wish they inspired slightly more confidence on tv than they do but what do I know?

We all would like to see her found. Now celebrities and politicians are getting involved maybe more resources, if needed, will be given.

Mumsnet and Facebook awash with sympathy for Nicola.
Would it have felt better if her partner had been more honest? I don’t mean telling her struggles in detail, just not given the impression everything was rosy

Callistemon21

^I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest^.
👍

Very good summing up and good points in your post, Doodledog

Totally bang on the money Doodledog.
Well said.

Urmstongran

Callistemon21
I think there is often confusion between what interests the public and what is in the public interest.
👍

Very good summing up and good points in your post, Doodledog
Totally bang on the money Doodledog.
Well said.
Exactly, Doodledog

Iam64

Mumsnet and Facebook awash with sympathy for Nicola.
Would it have felt better if her partner had been more honest? I don’t mean telling her struggles in detail, just not given the impression everything was rosy

I think it would have been better, yes. He could have conveyed her vulnerability without graphic detail - eg she had been going through a bad patch, under a lot of stress. He must have realised as soon as he heard she was missing that her disappearance was very probably related to her problems, yet has kept up a pretence which has caused speculation and involvement by the public. The police knew the likely explanation for her disappearance from the outset.

I totally agree too IAm and GSM he didn’t need to say more than ‘She has been under a lot of stress lately’ but it sounded as if there wasn’t a problem in the world and totally out of character

I agree, GSM.

I imagine initially her face was put out in the public domain initially because with a missing person that's the usual procedure, as in "anyone seen?", and that possibility had to be covered.

But surely the search teams must have that possibility in mind anyway, people with no obvious vulnerabilities commit suicide all the time.

I don’t think I’d go on tv after my husband went missing and say he had a drink problem tbh. There is a lot of stigma surrounding alcohol issues. It doesn’t mean they were not a close, loving family either

If we regarded having a drink problem as having an illness in the same way as we regard, say, having a cold or having cancer, I think its being known would be less of an issue.

We seem to be slow at accepting illness that affects us mentally or emotionally is still illness and that it doesn't make us blameworthy. With all the talk there is nowadays of mental health, you'd think we'd be more accepting and non-judgmental.

And at the end of the day everyone is now assuming that her problems were the cause of her disappearance and yet we still don’t know. We don’t know what has happened to her and we shouldn’t assume anything. We should let the police do their job and make no assumptions. I feel for the family, it must be so difficult for her partner, her parents, and most of all, her little girls.

I agree Baggs

Baggs

If we regarded having a drink problem as having an illness in the same way as we regard, say, having a cold or having cancer, I think its being known would be less of an issue.

We seem to be slow at accepting illness that affects us mentally or emotionally is still illness and that it doesn't make us blameworthy. With all the talk there is nowadays of mental health, you'd think we'd be more accepting and non-judgmental.

You'd think we would yes, but I'm sure that is was initial "shame" that stopped it coming out.

I've some sympathy for the police on this - can you imagine, they might wanted to have said she was vulnerable initially in order to best help in every which way, but the family insisted nothing should be said, and so on and so on.....

maddyone oh, yes, I agree, but to have had fuller information at the beginning of it all and honesty would have helped.
After all, her vulnerability was important info even if it proves to be other than now suspected - ie someone exploiting her, or a decision to "disappear".

I still don't see why the public needed to be told, though. Obviously the police and official searchers might need to be aware that she might be drunk, or seek out alcohol, but how does the public knowing make it more likely that she is found?

It is reported that the family learned someone was going to share the info and not in a caring way.