Is there a solution to this growing problem?

When I was a schoolgirl working in a saturday job in a supermarket I accidentally overcharged a customer. She pointed out the mistake and I immediately apologised and refunded the overcharged amount but she was unwilling to accept the apology and threw her purchases at me while accusing me of trying to rob her. The shop manager banned her from the store. Back then - probably about 1972 - that sort of behaviour seemed shocking, but it seems to be becoming commonplace these days. The need for traffic wardens to be supplied with body worn cameras is the latest example I've heard of recently. Security staff in shops is normal these days and cameras everywhere. It's a very sad state of affairs!

I agree about the importance of a good upbringing. If one doesn't learn boundaries at home, then where?!
Of course one reason why people can behave very badly and abusively is that in this day and age there is very little in the way of consequences

Casdon

I couldn’t believe what I read yesterday on our local Facebook page. Our local Mountain Rescue team have been very busy the last couple of weeks due to people having accidents whilst out walking, and one of the team had been abused by somebody because he was putting up a sign to keep walkers safe. Mountain Rescue are all volunteers, who risk their own lives, often to save idiots who try to climb mountains wearing a pair of trainers and a jumper in the snow (I saw someone yesterday as I drove past, doing just that).

I have a DD who was airlifted off a mountain by mountain rescue after slipping and breaking her ankle. They do an amazing job and we were all very grateful. My DD is an experienced mountain walker and at the time was a trustee of the Ramblers. After her recovery she ran a half marathon to raise funds for the mountain rescue group who got her safely to hospitsl. Unfortunately there are many people who lack common sense and see any sensible advice as a restriction of their freedom to behave idiotically!

I sell online and recently got a load of abuse from a buyer whose parcel was making its way through the US postal system more slowly than she would like. I pasted in my usual message which begins "Im sorry to hear your package is delayed ..." I pointed out that I have no control over foreign postal systems and there was nothing I could do to speed it up. When the package finally arrived it had a customs charge on it - which was also "my fault". The buyer accused me of being rude and unhelpful and left a negative. Knowing the Ebay system as I do I got them to remove the review entirely because it mentioned a customs charge.

Welcome to my blocked buyer list.

..'ne generation' is meant to be 'no generation'

Cossy - your family sounds lovely and it must be wonderful to see them across that spread of ages. Children learn by example, don’t they? If they hear their parents talking to other people with respect, they learn how to do that.

We also need to learn to stand up for ourselves though, and I think that a lot of people struggle to be assertive without being aggressive. But you get much better outcomes if you treat other people well, learn to complain in the right way and stand up for yourself firmly but politely. I don’t think it’s generational or either - I encounter plenty of unpleasant/selfish behaviour from people the same age as me.

I do also think that we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives. I went through a really stressful period in my late 40’s and I suddenly realised that I had started to shout at people when things went wrong. My base level of stress was so high that I was not coping when my train got cancelled etc. I found myself shouting at someone down the phone in the street one day, and was thoroughly ashamed of my behaviour. I was really aware at that time of the positive benefit of random acts of kindness. I found myself in tears in the car one day because someone gave me their ticket with an hour left on it.

I don’t think social media helps - a lot of people seem to be forgetting how to filter their behaviour.

Perhaps we can do our bit by being kinder, smiling at people etc. Even if only one person feels a bit better and less grumpy as a result, perhaps we can push back against this trend?

M0nica

Maizie of course not every family, but a generation plus or minus who know their rights and demand them - and I did not criticise that, but a lot of them do not realise that theire are two sides and that with their rights come other peoples rights and they should not ride over other people roughshod.

I didn't think you were generalising. But I certainly think that our generation (the Boomers} were very iconoclastic and had so many freedoms that ne generations before us had had. We rejected as stuffy and old fashioned some of the mores and norms of society.

However responsibly we, as individuals, may have brought up our children I think that ideas permeated society and enabled a great deal of the disrespect and entitledness that we dislike now because not everyone learned, or wanted, to exercise restraint.

Only 2 days ago dh and I were on a bus where a young man who was refusing to pay, had been told by the driver to get off the bus. He stood right by the driver’s area, very loudly abusing him, while the driver maintained that he wasn’t moving until the bloke either paid or got off, and if he didn’t very soon, he’d be calling the police.
He did eventually take himself off.

eazybee

poster elsewhere on GN described how her daughter , the Headmistress, walked to school in the snow and cleared paths to facilitate entry. A local father expressed his disgust to the local paper; his kids were disgusted because they had to be in school when they wanted to play in the snow, and he was disgusted because he had been looking forward to and extra hour in bed, instead of which he had to take his children to school.
This typifies broken Britain.

I thought exactly the same, dreadful example of bad parenting!!

Oreo

There’s a lot of MH cases about and drug users and people on a short fuse because of their personal circumstances and hardships.It is a growing problem in spite of the plethora of notices about abuse of staff.

Yes, I’m sure there are, but that is still no excuse for poor, rude and violent behaviour towards others.

Maizie of course not every family, but a generation plus or minus who know their rights and demand them - and I did not criticise that, but a lot of them do not realise that theire are two sides and that with their rights come other peoples rights and they should not ride over other people roughshod.

We forget 'customer facing' was once almost entirely female staffed. AND it was a simple fact society expected a high standard of appearance and social skills. Society has changed. For a time I was a school secretary and averted many a row simply be giving the aggrieved party a good listening to before they got anywhere near the head (he too was quite capable of lashing out).
Went into the taxi office to book a car this morning - succeeded - the chap who took the booking was dirty and his English (native speaker) - indecipherable.

Cossy

M0nica

We have brought up a generation of children who have, quite rightly been taught about their rights to be heard and listened to and granted, but they have not been brought up to know the duties that go with rights.

Please don’t generalise.

We had our children later than most so they are 40,41, then 28, 25, and 23.

They have ALL been brought up in almost the same way as myself.

To be independent and defend themselves, to be mindful of others and be well mannered, to work hard, to be aware of others feelings, look after their environment. To admit and learn from their mistakes and to apologise when they are in the wrong.

I don’t want to return to a time when children were brought up to be seen and not heard and to accept that adults are always right and they should always do as they are told even if they feel something isn’t right. This is what covers up abuse etc.

I absolutely accept that there is a small minority of feral families and that being polite, tolerant and patient seems to have lost its importance. I don’t, however, blame an entire generation of parents and their children.

Sadly these minorities seem to shout the loudest and are the most visible.

I’m pretty sure most of you on here have pretty decent grandchildren and children and we are a fairly representative bunch of citizens.

I actually agree with MOnica.

Every time I read a thread like this one I'm thinking "Well, who brought up these people?"

Staff are trained to be polite and helpful but how much abuse can you take before you break, customers need training to be polite and helpful.

My wife works in a cafe 99% of customers are reasonable but then one causes a fuss or makes life difficult.

M0nica

We have brought up a generation of children who have, quite rightly been taught about their rights to be heard and listened to and granted, but they have not been brought up to know the duties that go with rights.

Please don’t generalise.

We had our children later than most so they are 40,41, then 28, 25, and 23.

They have ALL been brought up in almost the same way as myself.

To be independent and defend themselves, to be mindful of others and be well mannered, to work hard, to be aware of others feelings, look after their environment. To admit and learn from their mistakes and to apologise when they are in the wrong.

I don’t want to return to a time when children were brought up to be seen and not heard and to accept that adults are always right and they should always do as they are told even if they feel something isn’t right. This is what covers up abuse etc.

I absolutely accept that there is a small minority of feral families and that being polite, tolerant and patient seems to have lost its importance. I don’t, however, blame an entire generation of parents and their children.

Sadly these minorities seem to shout the loudest and are the most visible.

I’m pretty sure most of you on here have pretty decent grandchildren and children and we are a fairly representative bunch of citizens.

Magenta8

Cossy I take your point that Staff should be properly trained and should be tolerant and polite.

I have experienced the other side of rudeness many times when staff have been unnecessarily rude to customers/patients. This has often happened in places where they display the "Zero tolerance" notice.

I have also witnessed just how rude people can be to bus drivers. A man in front of me started swearing and verbally abusing the driver and when I told him to stop he yelled "Who do you think you are?" I replied "A perfectly ordinary member of the public." He then called me all the usual things that angry men call old women but at least he laid off the driver and shut up after that.

Yes, it’s absolutely a two way street.

I noticed the difference in people after the Pandemic. People are definitely more aggressive and common courtesy, pleasantries are out the window. Entitlement abounds. Catching the bus is now like a rugby scrum as nobody queues, they are all desperate to get in front. The Pandemic changed us all and with some folks, not for the better. I worked in catering, glad I was able to retire as I hear it's hell on earth now to work in, probably the same with any public facing job. Life just isn't the same.

I do think people need to look deeper before leaping to concussions such as blaming the current government. Very few, if any, systems go instantly wrong during the first year of that government. Let's look at the NHS percentages over a longer period.

Recorded violent incidents at NHS trusts show a noticeable multi-year increase (14% over three years, 2022 and 2025) .

Independent surveys of public-facing workers suggest substantial year-on-year rises in hostility/abuse in some sectors.

Potential explanations (from external/official sources):

Frustration with services and long waits.
Rise in complex mental health and behavioural cases.
More complete reporting capturing past under-reported incidents.
Broader social stressors and perceived aggression among the public.

I agree with you Fallingstar. Yes there are people who have poor mental or physical health who might be short tempered. Some people are under enormous stress in today’s world also. BUT in my experience of working with the public there were also many who were simply just interested in themselves and failed to recognise they were being abusive to staff and ended up almost bullying them. We were trained to be non confrontational and to appease when all we really wanted to say is ‘ you returned that book late so just pay your fines’ or ‘ no you didn’t return this book’ or ‘ no that book was not falling apart when you borrowed it’. Guess my occupation 🤣

We have brought up a generation of children who have, quite rightly been taught about their rights to be heard and listened to and granted, but they have not been brought up to know the duties that go with rights.

I think there is just a general lack of consideration for others, we have become a very ‘me me me’ society. Maybe is because people can go on social media and be rude anonymously and believe they can extend this to when they are out in society. Is a mystery really. But certainly people no longer feel able to say anything to those behaving badly because they fear the worst.

eazybee

poster elsewhere on GN described how her daughter , the Headmistress, walked to school in the snow and cleared paths to facilitate entry. A local father expressed his disgust to the local paper; his kids were disgusted because they had to be in school when they wanted to play in the snow, and he was disgusted because he had been looking forward to and extra hour in bed, instead of which he had to take his children to school.
This typifies broken Britain.

Unfortunately, if that path had subsequently frozen and anyone had slipped and hurt themselves on it, I believe the school/local authority could be sued.

eazybee, I agree with your despair, disgust at the father’s response to the good head teacher.

The mental health problems and absence of any attempt at self control, often associated with substance and alcohol abuse are evident on our streets, school playgrounds, Health enters and A and E, are seen frequently.

IMO the way sympathy has shifted to perceived victims, rather than the public servants they’re abusing, is an increasing problem.

Of course we need better services available to those in need but is it too much to expect manners?!

Oreo

There’s a lot of MH cases about and drug users and people on a short fuse because of their personal circumstances and hardships.It is a growing problem in spite of the plethora of notices about abuse of staff.

Yes, I too agree

eazybee

poster elsewhere on GN described how her daughter , the Headmistress, walked to school in the snow and cleared paths to facilitate entry. A local father expressed his disgust to the local paper; his kids were disgusted because they had to be in school when they wanted to play in the snow, and he was disgusted because he had been looking forward to and extra hour in bed, instead of which he had to take his children to school.
This typifies broken Britain.

It does indeed.