Wince time!

Maybe not mishap

He clearly has a very good way with words, Mishap.

My 91 year old Dad has just rung to say that his woman has been in and done him up and down good and proper.
I think he is referring to the cleaner who has made a good job of cleaning his house!

absentgrana . She had obviously never met any Social Workers! (Maybe that's a good thing )

Some years ago I answered the phone and a voice said "Hello absent. This is Sandra". I have a cousin called Sandra, but we don't often chat on the phone. We started a conversation and it soon became clear that there was a serious degree of confusion, so I asked, "To whom did you wish to speak?" The woman on the other end of the phone replied, "I must have a wrong number. I don't know anybody who says whom."

Seen in a report at work 'she is living with her brother whom has a 4 bedroom house'. I'm afraid many of my fellow 'professionals' love the word 'whom' but sadly have no idea how it should be used. To think these people have degrees....

Did I ever share this with you. I conference centre near here, advertising their facilities in an email. Including a "12 birth jacuzzi"
Competing with the local maternity unit for water births presumably.

I currently have a part-time job in retail (whilst living in hope that something a little more fulfilling will come along).
I have just been awarded 'Star of the month' for: "Persistantly (sic) delivering great customer service ..."
Had to smile. I wonder if I bludgeoned them into submission with my persistence?

We had a waitress at a pub all the doctors in wenesbury went to for lunch on the 1st Monday in the month! She always asked ' do want the braown or the mine strone today?' we all had the mine (as in coal) strone!

"Good english teached here - gooder next door"?? (Don't ask, it's late!)

For some reason, many people on my expat forums confuse 'lose' and 'loose'- I don't understand this as they don't sound alike.

When I started at grammar school I was thrilled by the English text books and read the whole of 'A Lower English Course' in a couple of nights. When the teacher was talking about figures of speech she asked us what we would call 'Ten thousand thanks' and I said it was a hyperbole - pronounced as Hyper - bowl. She corrected my pronunciation but said she was very impressed that I should know the word.

I was amused when watching a programme called 'Ladettes to Ladies' There was a truly awful woman who spoke with a plum in her mouth and she told them she was going to teach them proper 'pronounciation'.

A reviewer on R4's arts programme, Front Row, the other day used the word epitome. She pronounced it epi-tome to rhyme with dome.

I was wincing when watching an episode of Catholics - it was about seven year olds making their First Communion. Their teacher spoke in that special very slow way that some teachers have. She was taking them round The Stations of the Cross - it was bad enough to hear her explaining the horrors portrayed but I really winced when she confused 'lay down' and 'lie down'.
The picture of the crucifixion showed the nails through the palms - it is now known that the were put under the wrist bones - the palms would not support a mans's weight. I doubt if the children had a clue what she and the priest were talking about most of the time but I thought that dwelling on pain and death was inappropriate for their age

One that always amusedme was 'I've been under the doctor'

Me again! I have just heard a young swimmer announce on TV that she was 'estatic' about her win. This is a worrying trend. I have also heard assessible when the speaker meant accessible; and asseptable for acceptable. A good many examples were heard in interviews on the radio - sometimes the offender was the interviewer.

What amuses and annoys me is when someone says, 'X has got herself pregnant'. Virgin birth or what?

Hey! I've been robbed! I was told it £1 and a gold one ar that! I gave her a sovereign.

Bad was the term my grandmothers used for illness in South Wales too.

Leading to one of them saying that she had been: "Bad in bed with the doctor"

Yes, in Lancashire we always gave a new baby a silver coin.

In Northumberland being pregnant was described as
'she fell rang' i.e wrong.My first child was born up there.
I was also puzzled by finding several silver coins on her pillow when I first took her out in the pram.

My mother would whisper that a girl was 'like that'!

In the north east where I live going into labour used to be referred to as ''taking bad''.Women would say''I took bad with the bairn''.
Bad was a local meaning of being ill.

My Mum when referring to having a period she would say 'cant touch plants' and we were not allowed to wash our hair, never got to the bottom of either.

I have heard worse, em, like 'When do you drop it?'

'Falling pregnant' was a phrase which always annoyed me but the other equally irritating one concerned the due date! ' When will you be better?' Is that a local one or is it used in other parts of the country?