"must have" "at all" and "yeh - no"

Eats Shoots and Leaves, Goldengran. Otherwise it doesn't work as ambiguity!

Next salesperson who asks me "how are you today" (as if they cared!) I am ready. I'm going to tell them,
"Thank you thank you for asking me that my dear because I had a lot of trouble with my IBS and the doctor gave me little blue tablets well they were no good at all I've been back three times, I dont think doctors know anything these days do they, not like in the old days, they really cared then and would pop and see you if they were passing, but not now, oh no, oh yes my friends on different tablets, white ones shes got, and they work alright; ooh, I do like your shoes my dear, but of course I couldn't wear them, not with my bunions, I've got to go to the hospital for an x ray, they're going to operate on my bunions, twice they've cancelled me, its disgraceful I blame that David Cameron he doesnt know what he's doing, oh well mustnt keep you my dear but very nice of you to chat to me like this I don't get much chance of an intelligent conversation i live on my own you see and I dont get out much, not with my bunions, well I cant walk very far you see and also this IBS is dreadful well my dear I'll have to go because it's playing me up now so can you tell me where the Ladies room is oh thank you, see you next time bye bye............

"I'm good" is an Americanism, born of their terror of adverbs...

It's on trend so you gottahaveit, innit?

At the end of the day I am laying on the sofa and theres all this bling on the shopping channel and I'm like Wow!!! Yeah no definitely I gotta go for it know what I mean like?

I have had a 'window of opportunity' in which to sit and read these, and thoroughly enjoyed them all.

I've just realised that 'I'm good' could be seen as a logical interpretation of 'Not bad' when used in response to 'How are you?'.

Or What at?'

A dear Irish friend was driven mad by the response, "I'm fine, thank you" to the question, "What can I get you?". He used to say, " I didn't ask about your health, I asked if you wanted a drink!" Perhaps the response to "I'm good" should be on the same lines?

Good for Lynn Truss and John Huphrys too.

I'm enjoying this thread [not sewing - ha!]. It's making me laugh in spite of the weather. It reminds me of Shoots, Eats and Leaves by Lynn Truss. Our language is both wonderful and a minefield at the same time.

Lily that 'get' really annoys me too alongside the response 'I'm good' when you ask someone how they are!

Or 'No you can't. That's my job!'

Annobel, I agree with you about 'grab'. And how about "Can I get...." as in " Can I get a cup of coffee?". Yes, you can. Do you want want one?

I think I may have mentioned my abhorrence of the use of 'grab', as in expressions such as 'I'll just go and grab a shower' or 'going to grab some lunch'. It encapsulates the spirit of the grasping age we live in and anyway makes absolutely no sense.

Just to take one example from your supply, ga: goose is 'English' from Old English; moose is Algonquian.

I think the same thing (differences in the language of origin of the word) may apply to quite a lot of the paradoxes of the "English" language.

What about the glottal stop or glo''al stop? Listen to Ed Milliband if you can bear to. He misses ts all over the place as did Tony Blair some of the time. Does this prove that they're men of the people? I think not.

Trucks, French fries, driveways, candies and eggplants? Surely you mean lorries, chips, drives, sweets and aubergines?
I still like explaining "time flies like an arrow" and "fruit flies like a banana" to language learners.
Got tied into knots the other day trying to explain "in my mind's eye" to my French neighbour. Any ideas Grans with French as MT?

GA, having taught ESOL myself, I recognise the paradoxes you mention, but all in one paragraph! I feel the need to lie down and rest up.

ga

[applause] grannyactivitist

Flippin 'eck Ga, my head's spinning now!

I've spent most of the day teaching English to people from other countries. I do hope you all feel suitably sorry for me - and even sorrier for them!

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So,one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why,when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it…

I'm annoyed about 'no problem'. When I say 'thank you' in a shop or restuarant I frequently get this response and I want to say 'why did you think there was one'!

PIN number - Personal Identification Number number - why? My bank prints this in its literature.

CD's, WC's etc. Why does no one seem to know what an apostrphe is for?

Think I'll stop there as it just makes me a cross patch.

What about anyfink, nuffink, etc, etc?