Estate Agent's language

One of our local ones often starts descriptions with "an opportunity to acquire", which really annoys me!

Since when did anyone "acquire" a house?

He is also very fond of describing houses as "nestling peacefully"

When our neighbour put his house on the market the agent described his garden as 'grounds'. I wonder if that is why it didn't sell. If he has 'grounds' we have an 'estate'! No we don't ours is a simple garden but twice the size of his.

Why do the talk of bathrooms and kitchens ?
Yes it may have more than one bathroom but even a 5 bed detached in an acre of ground doesn't have multiple kitchens.

When DS1 was looking for his house one of the leaflets described one property as having attractive mature trees to the front garden,what he forgot to say was the trees blocked out every ray of sunlight to the front lounge and porch area a back yard (as we northeners call them)was called a trendy courtyard for alfresco dining,you would find it hard to fit a table and chairs in the area unless you wanted to eat standing up against the backyard wall.

A compact kitchen- why not say that it is small and give measurements?

Room for improvement- it needs a lot of expensive work done on it.

Yes - 'in need of some modernisation' means the same, Charleygirl!

We went to look at a house with "a natural garden" - it was so natural that you couldn't actually get through to the bottom of it.

Another, more truthful one, offered the following description, "Bathroom with bath and light switch"

Desirable is another overused word, same as compact, and also convenient.

I don't like houses described as "boasting" eg an en-suite or extensive gardens. Houses can't boast!

Our first house which we bought in 1970 for £1750 was a 'quasi-semi' - a two-up, two-down end terrace

I find it amazing that kitchens are described as having sinks with draining boards in them. I did not expect anything less and preferably also a tap or taps with running water.

A quirky staircase probably means that it is narrow, spiral and needs work.

Isn't estate-agent speak responsible for "leafy suburb", a ridiculous expression that has now passed into common usage?

We were house hunting, back in the '70s, and looking at agents particulars.
One property appeared to be an absolute bargain.
"Is it next to the gas works?" I joked. He laughed. We drove out there.
It was next to the gas works.
Ruddy time waster! I was livid with him for not telling me.

Also - why nowadays do there have to be so many bathrooms - one for each bedroom. I am in the process of downsizing to a two bedroom flat with two bathrooms and would much rather have a larger second bedroom/living room/kitchen than the second bathroom.

I would take out the extra bathroom and replace it with a walk in wardrobe!
I don't see the need for all these en suite bathrooms, so unnecessary.

When we were selling a big old house many years ago the Estate Agent described the large cupboard under the stairs with a scruffy old sideboard built in as "The Butler's Pantry."

So many prospective buyers expressed disappointment when they saw the Butler's Pantry that I had to tell the Estate Agent to remove the description.

We are proud to be able to offer a modern, bijou, single story residence. The kitchen, albeit compact, has a built in fridge/freezer, microwave and oven/hob and a unexpectedly large amount of storage space. The through lounge/dining room has been skilfully zoned into comfortable seating and stylish dining areas which can be used discretely or as one large living space. The property boasts fitted bedroom furniture including a king-size bed, a single bed on the ground floor and a second single bed in the mezzanine. There is a shower room with toilet and sink unit. The property is tastefully decorated and carpeted. It also enjoys warm air central heating throughout.

There is also an imposing sun room which almost doubles the square footage of the property and offers a range of possible uses such as an extra seating/dining area or bedroom.

The property offers imposing country views from all windows.

Otherwise known as our four berth caravan

vq

Brilliant, vampirequeen!
Can I make an appointment with the vendors for a viewing?
Kirsty will be with me of course...

Does anyone else remember the wonderful "Houses for sale" ads by Roy Brooke's (I think) in the 60's? They were in one of the "quality " papers and mostly in the Home Counties, when I was working they were required reading at lunchtime and really told it as it was. I didn't know how effective it was at selling houses but I guess people went to view and then realised they were not as dire as described.

Yes I remember them annsixty - it was the Sunday Times as I recall and we used to have a laugh over them every Sunday!

I believe they were very successful - people went to view them in droves, which is the first step to a sale. I used to read them all and I wasn't even house hunting.

Given that the S.O. is in the process of selling two properties [not as grand as it sounds] I wondered what is the main thing that puts people off a property when viewing. With me it's seeing a bathroom or kitchen that has obviously been done to a high standard but isn't to my taste; would rather have something that I can replace in a style that I like.

Roy Brookes was wonderful! All those bedrooms which would be ideal for a dwarf

I don't know why there is this mania for multiple en suite bathrooms. Why would I want to spend my days cleaning multiple loos?