Gransnet forums

Pedants' corner

A Pedant walks into a bar.....

(55 Posts)
MawBroon Wed 28-Feb-18 00:58:41

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

*(I can’t take credit for these, but the malapropism is my favorite. Enjoy!)

henetha Wed 28-Feb-18 10:55:42

That's very clever... love it.

littleflo Wed 28-Feb-18 10:58:03

I really enjoyed that. Only understood half of it though.

JaneD3 Wed 28-Feb-18 11:11:27

Well done Maw! Hope you are feeling better today btw.

moobox Wed 28-Feb-18 11:22:37

I can't say I knew all the grammatical terms, but I did find it all amusing.

A full stop went into a bar, and was stuck there all night.

Not sure if that is an Oxford comma, but I would usually put one there. I wouldn't put it before the and in a list of words.

Disgruntled Wed 28-Feb-18 11:30:39

Love it! Brilliant. Thank you.

GrAnne2 Wed 28-Feb-18 11:34:50


Gaggi3 Wed 28-Feb-18 11:36:46

Excellent brain-stretcher, and a great way to remember these terms, thank you.

All that walking into bars has made me thirsty. wine

Witzend Wed 28-Feb-18 11:39:30

Thanks for posting!

annodomini Wed 28-Feb-18 11:40:40

There are terms there that I haven't seen since I left school - 60 years ago.

luzdoh Wed 28-Feb-18 12:59:02

The Cowboy Koala reads a book, walks into a bar, eats, shoots and leaves.

A comma walks into a bar, says, "Ouch! I should have been a full stop".

A question mark walks into a bar. The barman exclaims, "Not you again, you never can make up your mind!"

A semi-colon is barred from a walk. He was one spot short of the full colon.

A conjunction walks into a bar and he meets his other half.

A subordinate clause walks into a bar where he became dependent on alcohol.

OK, nothing like as funny as Maw's but I tried to think up what I could!

Lilyflower Wed 28-Feb-18 13:49:49

Brilliant. I have emailed it straight to my daughter and husband.

AlieOxon Wed 28-Feb-18 13:54:56

It's great. I've emailed it to my sister!

Tweedle24 Wed 28-Feb-18 14:06:33

Loved it! Cheered me up for the afternoon.

Conni7 Wed 28-Feb-18 14:26:52

Congratulation, MawBroon! I'm a pedant, but had to read it several times before I understood all of them.

Sheilasue Wed 28-Feb-18 14:59:06


grandtanteJE65 Wed 28-Feb-18 15:00:52

I didn't know that a television could get drunk! Should there not have been a comma in front of that phrase? Oxford or otherwise?

mcem Wed 28-Feb-18 15:38:11

Excellent. DS will enjoy it too!

Being precise, (won't use pedantic in a non-grammar context) these tests are not undertaken by all 11year-olds since they are not part of the Scottish system.
Just saying!

Jalima1108 Wed 28-Feb-18 16:12:38

Excellent, I enjoyed that and well worth keeping!

This is my favourite:
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

Jalima1108 Wed 28-Feb-18 16:13:28

and the television getting drunk grin

henbane Wed 28-Feb-18 16:30:39

Brilliant Maw! Haven't laughed so much for ages - & have saved this to send to a few friends. Now I'm off to google chiasmus as that's one I've not heard of! (Oh I see)

Morgana Wed 28-Feb-18 17:27:51


grandMattie Wed 28-Feb-18 17:37:54

Fabulous! It kept DH quit for a few minutes, though I had to explain the hyphenated one...
Thank you

pollyperkins Wed 28-Feb-18 18:38:17

I loved these inclusing luzdoh's additions. Understood most but had to look up chiasmus.

Applegran Wed 28-Feb-18 20:28:52

I loved them! Thank you!
Here is a question for you Maw: who led the Pedant's revolt?
Answer : Which Tyler.

Blinko Wed 28-Feb-18 22:37:56

'...all intensive purposes...' nooooo