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Pedants' corner

A Pedant walks into a bar.....

(54 Posts)
MawBroon Wed 28-Feb-18 00:58:41

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

*(I can’t take credit for these, but the malapropism is my favorite. Enjoy!)

giulia Wed 28-Feb-18 05:16:16

I really enjoyed that. Thanks. The one I don't get is the Oxford comma.

Grandma70s Wed 28-Feb-18 05:55:41

Very funny. I don’t often laugh out loud before six in the morning! Just happened to be awake.

Oopsadaisy12 Wed 28-Feb-18 07:37:38

Very good, I guess the Oxford comma, is the fact that there is only the one comma, when several would have been appropriate,,, wink

sodapop Wed 28-Feb-18 08:27:34

That is funny Maw good start to my morning.smile

Jane10 Wed 28-Feb-18 09:11:58

grin
and made me think!

shysal Wed 28-Feb-18 09:18:44

Made me aware of how limited my knowledge of English grammar is. Never heard of some of the terms. What is a misplaced modifier or a dangling participle when it's at home?

Granny23 Wed 28-Feb-18 09:32:41

Excellent MawBroon. Has left me feeling smugly superior because I 'got' them all grin

Teetime Wed 28-Feb-18 09:55:58

Lovely thank you.

vampirequeen Wed 28-Feb-18 09:59:31

That was brilliant lol.

Luckygirl Wed 28-Feb-18 10:03:57

Very good. smile

Skweek1 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:06:14

Julia, it's the current dispute about lists - the Oxford comma is about whether or not there should be a comma before the last item when it's preceded by "and" , e,g - the child was small, thin, intelligent, handsome and cantankerous. Hope that explains it.

Skweek1 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:07:25

That is absolutely priceless - gave me a real giggle to my morning and really look forward to reading it to my writer son and his pedantic dad!

Beloulou Wed 28-Feb-18 10:10:12

Maw, that was brilliant. Thank you. I may even steal it...my son could do with a giggle.

Maimeo Wed 28-Feb-18 10:16:38

Love this, Maw, thanks for a good giggle!

pamdixon Wed 28-Feb-18 10:19:31

that was brilliant - not seen it before

Molly10 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:22:12

Excellent!

The Oxford comma - does the television really get drunk - think about it;-)

wot Wed 28-Feb-18 10:22:39

Maw, love the wolf in cheap clothing!smile

Amma54 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:23:51

Disputes about the Oxford comma go back a long time. Two poets wouldn't speak to each other because they disagreed about its use. It's generally considered to be American. I only use it for clarity as in 'I went to Waitrose, Aldi, & Lidl'. If the comma weren't there it might seem that Aldi & Lidl were one shop.

Squiffy Wed 28-Feb-18 10:30:10

Love it! Thank you Maw smile

ExaltedWombat Wed 28-Feb-18 10:34:28

Woman walks into a bar. She asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gives her one.

maximka25 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:36:36

Brilliant! Thank you!

Hm999 Wed 28-Feb-18 10:39:41

Many of the grammatical definitions (which I don't recognise despite allegedly being traditionally educated) are included in the English tests for all 11yr olds!

Wendiwoo Wed 28-Feb-18 10:41:17

I thought I was good at grammar, but it’s obviously moved on since I majored (O-level!).

AlieOxon Wed 28-Feb-18 10:50:53

An interjection is thrown into a bar...