Estate Agents' Use of English

As well as overblown hyberbole, estate agents take pics which make a ten foot kichen look like a twenty foot one.
‘Sought after location’ usually means hundreds of teenagers
Dropping their litter in your front garden because the school is just up the road.
‘New to the market!’ Means has been lived in by a very old couple for fifty years who haven’t updated anthing ( the house we bought!)Taken ten years to get it all done.

sparkly

Suit cash buyer = no building society/bank in it's right mind would lend on this.
Period property = derelict and possibly haunted.
Rural = only neighbours are sheep.
Quirky = nothing matches and structurally distorted.

I could annoyed by “benefiting/benefitting” (which is usually misspelt ) from things like a kitchen, bathroom, garden etc.

When we sold our last house after reading the write up from the agents I really wondered why we where selling as it was such a magnificent sought after property I felt like changing my mind and staying there.
My sons first house was described as having a rear old fashioned courtyard which in my younger days was known as a back yard,he did make it smart though with loads of wall planters and flowerpots but still a back yard.

When we were house-hunting there was one with "defused lighting" in the garage.

When double glazing is mentioned as something unique or goodness me, the house has gas fired central heating- well there is a bonus.

A medium to large garden with scope for the enthusiastic gardener means a jungle.

Kitchen could do with some updating- original furniture untouched for 40 years.

The word that gets me is ‘boasting’. It might be perculiar to around here, but the houses are often described as ‘ boasting a large kitchen, or magnificent gardens’
And, may I add, very disappointing when viewed!

Situated in the sought after Acacia Avenue.

The house I went to view last week has a garden with a "boarder" and "flour" beds.
When mine went on the market, I re-wrote a lot of the agent's blurb.

Some years ago there was an ad for a property in the local newspaper which the agent obviously hadn't proof read because is stated "....next door to drug dealers". On second thoughts perhaps he thought that was a plus!!

Light and airy property ideal for DIY enthusiast = no roof.

Hit post accidentally.

....right to buy, and had done a fair bit of work on, was described in such magnificent terms, I wanted to buy it.

The details of what had been our family home a three bed semi that my brother paid for under mum's right to bucouncil

Our first house in Prestwich was sold to us by a man called Sidney Santhouse.
It was referred to in the particulars as a delightful quasi-semi.
It was a bog-standard two-up two-down end-terrace.

Ah, he was called Roy Brooks.

Yes, there was, OldMeg, but I can’t remember the name. It was very funny.

If my memory serves me correct, was there once, in about the 60s an Estate Agent who actually used some derogatory descriptions, such as Absent’s, when selling property?

Bijou = small and cramped. Ideal for creating your own personal touches = hideous wallpaper.

They make you cringe don’t they?