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(48 Posts)
Alexa Thu 18-Apr-19 10:55:22

Is it wise to apologise when one has accidentally made a very minor error such as buying an unexpected shopping item? Or when the one who says " Sorry" intends to continue to inconvenience the other?

I feel that saying "Sorry" sometimes carries the ulterior message that the other is hyper -critical. Am I right?

shysal Thu 18-Apr-19 11:12:14

Just interested to know how one can buy an unexpected shopping item and who expects an apology? I buy what I like and don't need to say sorry to anyone!

BradfordLass72 Thu 18-Apr-19 11:37:51

I have very bad memories of that word. First of all, my mother would never, ever say sorry for any of the things she did which hurt people.

Because of this, when I did something wrong, I was more than happy to admit it and apologise and what did I get?

"Huh, no point in saying "sorry", sorry isn't enough!!'

'Unexpected shopping item"? Did it leap into your bag without you noticing? Are you, at this very minute, being held by a floor walker, expecting the imminent arrival of police questioning and asking for our advice??

Perhaps you are being belaboured about the ears, even as we speak, by said floor walker who is apologising but you know full well they intend bashing you until you confess? Hence the second part of your post.

Hyper-critical? Oooh sorry for breathing!! grin grin

Alexa Thu 18-Apr-19 12:15:33

He shops for both of us, BradfordLass. I am easygoing and if I say 'Did you get two of these?" and he says 'Sorry I thought you wanted only one" I feel that he feels that I am going to blame him. So then I wonder , should I say "It's
okay, no problem" ? These nonsensical apologies happen quite often so I'd frequently have to reassure him. I wish that he did not need to be reassured about trivialities, as I feel that he regards me as a big bad wolf.

Alexa Thu 18-Apr-19 12:18:50

PS BradfordLass your scenario made me laugh out loudsunshine

Nonnie Thu 18-Apr-19 13:01:51

Would be good if some people on here would apologise when they are blatantly wrong instead of just leaving the thread while still on GN.

It costs nothing to apologise and then people forget what you did. If you refuse to apologise and keep justifying your wrong doing everyone remembers.

I had a bully of a boss who knew he had made me upset, later he said he was sorry I felt upset, I responded that I was sorry I had let it show. He had shouted at me and told me I was wrong but 10 minutes later I was proved right!
When someone pretends to apologise in that way it always makes me cross.

Grammaretto Thu 18-Apr-19 13:46:54

It depends on the tone of voice surely.
S-o-r-r-y or more likely so sorry said in a sarcastic voice is not a genuine apology.
Say sorry only when you mean it.
But then I hate the not a problem which often follows.

Alexa Thu 18-Apr-19 17:12:23

Nonnie, I agree that "Sorry! " should signal intention to do better.

"Sorry!" shouldn't mean "I'll say anything to get out of this ".

BBbevan Thu 18-Apr-19 18:07:40

At school we were taught that 'sorry' means I won't do it again

Callistemon Thu 18-Apr-19 18:16:14

Is it wise to apologise when one has accidentally made a very minor error such as buying an unexpected shopping item? Or when the one who says " Sorry" intends to continue to inconvenience the other?

I am a bit confused, Alexa.

Are you saying sorry to the self-service checkout when it tells you 'Unexpected item in the bagging area'?

The way to pronounce it when talking to the little person in the machine is "Soorreee"

Oh, soorreee, I just read your other post.
Didn't someone sing 'Sorry seems to be the hardest word' - but only if it's meant!

absent Thu 18-Apr-19 21:38:36

I am always amused and sometimes annoyed by the "politician's apology":

I apologise for what happened i.e. not for what I did but because I was found out.

I am sorry if anyone was offended, i.e. not for doing something wrong but because some [flaky] people got upset about it when they found out.

Alexa Fri 19-Apr-19 08:44:09

Absent , I call that the hypocritical "Sorry!"

Callistemon, that's a real bot in the machine. No need for robotic apologies from nearest and dearest.

BradfordLass72 Fri 19-Apr-19 09:56:09

It sounds as if he needs reassurance and is very sensitive to any hint of criticism.

I wonder if the answer, Alexa is to simply praise him when he comes back from shopping, regardless of what he's bought, so there can be no hint of any sort of doubt or blame?

Of course if he's scored a small bag of white powder and you're sure it's not icing sugar bought 'from the nice man on the corner' - better to advice him just to stick to Tesco.

Alexa Fri 19-Apr-19 10:04:11

You are right BradfordLass. I do so, but my trouble is that a small question such as "Did you get two of those?" elicits "Sorry I didn't know you wanted two. "

What would be a reassuring reply to that? This is a genuine question BTW, BradfordLss

I think the "Sorry" is partly a habit, like a favourite word.

Oldwoman70 Fri 19-Apr-19 10:36:52

I wonder if we all say "sorry" too often. It is almost a reflex - someone bumps into you and you say sorry, if you want someone to pass something you say "sorry can you pass me..." or is that just me?

Callistemon Fri 19-Apr-19 10:55:57

I think it is a habit.

Juliet27 Fri 19-Apr-19 10:56:04

I don’t think I’ve ever heard my husband say sorry! If he’s done something wrong or made a mistake he’ll clutch at straws trying to find a reason or excuse. Grrr!

FarNorth Fri 19-Apr-19 11:03:11

Sounds like it's just habit.
A reassuring reply?- "Maybe I forgot to say" or suchlike.
Why not ask your DH if he sees you as a big bad wolf?

BrandyButter Fri 19-Apr-19 11:08:04

'Sorry' as a word on it's own has no value, it has to be followed up by action - I am sorry. It is my fault. What can I do to make it right. And then under no circumstances repeat the offence. People often use it as a 'Free-Pass' these days as a word to utter as an excuse whilst they still still carry on the abusive action. Actions speak louder than words. sad

Juliet27 Fri 19-Apr-19 11:11:56

Sadly I have become the big bad wolf trying to point out that I’d have more respect for him if he could just say ‘oh whoops, sorry, I made a mistake there’. It’s just become a vicious circle!! On the other hand, I’m the opposite. They laugh at me at work - if anything goes wrong I always say straight away ‘oh, was that me?’

Camelotclub Fri 19-Apr-19 11:12:35

This thread makes no sense to me. Maybe I am going senile.

Why would you say sorry for an unexpected shopping item?


Charlieb Fri 19-Apr-19 11:15:03

I have secondary M S and am wheelchair user, l can’t go out alone so have to be pushed around to shop.
I continually get remarks from people about being in the way,
I always ask my hubby to take me into our local M & S simply food early as I’ve found if l go later in the day l get looked at as though l have two heads .
Even in store a certain few of the staff mutter because I’m in their way while they pack the shelves but this is 9.15 am and their delivery arrives at six .
I’m constantly saying sorry to people for being in their way until my daughter said, mum why are you apologising? You have as much right to be here as they are.
It’s got to the stage where l don’t want to go out in public now.
Some People can be very cruel so why am l apologising for being disabled?

Margaret ( Charlie B)

vickya Fri 19-Apr-19 11:20:03

The OP said "a very minor error such as buying an unexpected shopping item" so they were not caught shoplifting or had not got it in the bagging area unexpectedly. They said "buying" it. and they didn't say error WHILE buying it, the text to me looks like they bought it and found it was an error afterwards. That is more like when I get clothes or books for granddaughter. Asda put children's clothes at the entrance and I am often temoted. But daughter doesn't like Asda things. Not good enough smile so she tells me off and I say sorry and take the items back. Sometimes. But sometimes, like the Peppa Pig dress with little bag to match last week, granddaughter sees it before mum does and wants it. Good luck getting that one back, mum! ;)

vickya Fri 19-Apr-19 11:20:52

Am tempted, not temoted!

Gaggi3 Fri 19-Apr-19 11:22:02

DH hardly ever apologises as he is rarely, if ever, wrong. grin