No - I am NOT an Xmas "Pity Project!"

You know Marg, all you need to say is it's very kind of you but no thankyou. I have other plans. I have no idea why police were at their door, it may not have been anything that was their fault. Kindness and good manners cost nothing.

I suppose your second post gave us more of a reason why you don’t want to go Marg!

Your post made me laugh BradfordLass!

Just because you’re in a room full of people, doesn’t mean you’re not lonely. Nothing worse than having to struggle to make small talk, or worse, join in silly party games.

But I guess their hearts are in the right places, you could have worse neighbors.
And to be honest, if they are a bit dodgy, it’s probably best to keep on the right side of them.

Margs - Well, I suppose it is a nice gesture , but you don't need to feel ungrateful by refusing their invitation, especially if they are such unsavoury characters! Who needs to share Christmas with people like that?

Margs

See how kind they are? They even invited the cops round for pre-Christmas drinkies and a little cavorting....

I do have neighbors like that, a whole street of them in fact.
They often send their police friends in helicopters to hover over my house and make sure I'm all right.

Not sure it does Judy more about making themselves feel better.

Clever dog Hetty we find that four hours is the maximum time our dogs can be left alone
so unfortunately we have to leave - yay !!

Clever dog indeed Hetty ?.

Yes of course it is down to the individual. Some people prefer to be on their own, some are lonely and do not. It is not compulsory to enjoy Christmas but I do enormously, it is a magical time of year. It does not sound as though the invitation was put very well but shows that they are thinking about you.

I used to know a couple -both had been in the Catholic Church - one as a nun, the other - a monk. However they did not like the Christmas thing at all and always used to go to Agadir for 2 weeks then and loved it.

Moggie

so sorry above post meant for you.

Mohhie57

Do not panic. You can ask for money or even ask if they can bring some of the food with them.
Don't be afraid or embarrassed to say that your budget doesn't stretch that far.
I hope the day goes well for you and you have fun.

Margs, I object to the 'enforced jollity' rule too. Sorry, I do!

I have to go to my daughter's place (no choice really) slap on a smile and look happy, play with the grandkids, eat a lot (despite being in pain) and wait for the kindly lift home - a welcome escape from noisy kids and far too much food!

Thank Heavens, I have a little dog who can't be left for long. Therefore, a long day or overnight stay are completely out of the question. Isn't that great? The only time we took her out in my daughter's car, she threw up into that socket where the gear stick sits - such a clever girl!

I agree with OP. After my first husband died I had so many invitations to join friend's and their families for Christmas meals etc. I genuinely appreciated all the offers but sitting with other families just brought it home to me how much I missed my own husband and children (both living in other countries). I did make the effort to get out and about that year BUT the Christmas after my Dad died I decided to spend the day alone. I went to visit a close friend on Christmas Eve but spent Christmas day alone (although one family I used to childmind for popped in after church in the morning). It was quite liberating just being on my own and crying when I wanted to!

Well yes it's nice to be invited but not if it's phrased as a pity invitation "you must be lonely etc". How would that make you feel?
Much better to say, If you've no plans we would love to have you.

Why is this in Pedants' Corner - did I miss something?

We used to invite my miserable, bad tempered, unsociable Dad to Christmas after mum died but after a few years we came to realise that he was quite 'happy' with no decorations and a pot noodle for his Christmas lunch. Now we ignore him. Perhaps your neighbours just need time to come to terms with the fact that you're not interested?

Margs, no mention of the police in your original post.

I understand that you may not want to spend Christmas with strangers. I wouldn’t either but I hope I would appreciate being asked.
Perhaps you could invite them round for coffee or a glass of wine during the year and they could become friends? Maybe not the dodgy ones.
I’m inviting our near neighbours and some people who have recently moved to our village round between Christmas and New Year. I hope about 20 will come. We don’t see much of them throughout the year but it’s good to make an effort now and again.
I hope that they enjoy themselves and the ones that live on their own don’t think I’m being patronising. If I thought any of them would be home alone on Christmas Day I would invite them here. They have the option of declining politely.

I think it's nice to be asked. I was widowed nine years ago and visit my sister for Christmas Day which I enjoy.
If I was the 'remaining survivor' of the family I'm not sure what I'd do. I think I'd hope for an invitation and accept gratefully.
However, I understand your wanting to be alone with just yourself to please.

I agree with Margs A lot of people issue these one off invitations to make themselves feel better. It's patronising to assume that because one lives alone one must be
a) lonely
b) depressed
Just not the case for a lot of us. Of course there are those people who are lonely but not everyone.

panic ing...

BAH HUMBUG to you.i am alone most christmas's but i do volunteer at a charity shop. plenty of music .etc. yes i like the real christmas . today its too commercialised.and people out for the biggest and the best.the spirit of christmas is fading fast. but me i like going to church (every week if i can). helping with the children.this year got my daughter and grandchildren coming and my brother .not exactly manic- ing. but living on £79 a week .has left me thinking ..would be ok to ask my relatives for some money to help with the food?

That's a little bit unfair. Just say no thank you. And be glad there are people who care.

I understand Margs. I am quite happy with my own company, always have been (OH says its because I was an only child ) I think they are just being kind really, we read and hear so much about loneliness these days.

Just reading your other post about all the shouting etc and the police cars - no, you are better in your own home doing what you want to do.

I hope you have a Happy Christmas

In this day and age, when there are many people alone at Christmas and hating it, I reckon you are very lucky that anyone has been kind enough to invite you - doesn't matter that the police were apparently called at some time unless you know what happened!
Suggest you stick a notice on your front door stating "Please do not disturb 1/12 - 1/1 " and leave it at that!!!

I'm with the OP and understand exactly how she feels. I don't live alone but with my OH and we find it almost impossible to convince friends and relations that we don't "do" Christmas!

It is sad and depressing to be alone at any time of year if you do not want to be but for those who are happy with their own company, the forced bonhomie of a typical Christmas can be utterly miserable.

If Margs sounds a little curmudgeonly, it's probably because she's as fed up as I am of saying "thanks but no thanks" every year for decades. Give her a break - Christmas isn't compulsory!

It's pathetic. We have neighbours who send cards and completely blank us for the rest of the year.

You can be kind and include people at other times of the year too you know!!!