Haven't seen this for ages and it's cheered me up no end
It's all so horribly true! My hyperthyroid cat is on 2 pills a day and, luckily, gobbles them up if rolled up in a slice of processed cheese. I have no idea what would happen if it was one of the others.
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How to give a cat a pill
(21 Posts)I had seen this before but had forgotten it. Thank you, when! Among the cats in our lives, we had a fighter cat and thank goodness he rarely needed tablets (still have the scars) also had a loving, quiet and cuddly cat who took the tablets like an angel. Gently open cat's jaws, place tablet on the back of the tongue, gently hold cat's jaws closed, gently stroke cat's throat until you feel him swallow (twice). Two hours later, find tablet in corner behind the door, under chair, on the stairs....I don't think he ever actually got the intended dose. I also have a DS who spat out any medication until he was two. The GP assured me that though the spat out 5ml spoonful had coated me and the table, the baby would certainly have absorbed enough to do the trick.
Must show this to OH.To worm one fighter cat, he had to dress up in his full motorbike gear, including his crash helmet 
when that's the best belly laugh I've had for a long time, thanks 
Very funny, and no exaggeration! I bought a special syringe thingy, still useless!
I used to sandwich our cat Frank between my knees back to my body and pull his head up and drop pill onto the back of his tongue. He was a gentle soul though.
He once got heavily tarred on feet legs and tail, walking over a newly tarred roof to our top floor flat.
I spent a good two hours softening the the tar off with swarfega then washing it all off. All things condsidered he was very very good. I got a few scratches but I reckon he knew we were trying to help.
One very soggy moggy by the end of the process though. He spent ages in front of the fire getting fluffed back up again.
Our vet had a good way of immobilising a cat. Remove overalls. Pour cat down leg hole from the top. Cat's head and scruff appear at the bottom and the remainder of the cat is held fast.
It does remind me of my late ginger cat who seemed to have demonic strength right up to the end.
still makes me laugh now!
when best performance of this I've heard was when with a group of 5 women from UK (growing old disgracefully) I went to a gathering of 200 older women in San Diego in 2005.
On the last nights entertainment one of our group recited this -very matter of fact..in a strong Yorkshire accent ,pausing in just the right places. She had to keep stopping -there was so much laughter.
It brought the house down. None of us will forget that.
It`s very true
love it, so true.
Oh dear. Have just seen forbesisnow2's thread about the loss of their much loved little cat. What bad timing. I'm so sorry.
I've been browsing and have found this - I'm crying with laughter.
Thought it deserved another airing 
I don't know where Jonathan got it from when, he didn't write it. It is wonderful to see him perform it though.
Ah! ga is that where it came from? It's hilarious no matter how many times I see it 
Had hyperthyroid cat. Daily pills. This rings bells.
Reciting this is my party trick when. I first heard it performed many years ago by Jonathan Veira and laughed so much at his dry, straight-faced delivery that I couldn't wait to share it. 
Love it!



.....or put flea drops on.....
!!
This has been around for some time, but it always makes me giggle:
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check the label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for the date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat’s paws to rear paws with garden twine and gaffer-tape tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. ....
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
16. Wrap it in bacon

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