Whatever's the matter with Maurice?

He's a girl and she's pregnant!

You should take this up as a job!

Def. not a girl or pregnant But he is twelve, so it's either bad teenage behaviour in human years, or the onset of dementia in cat ones!

I have previously written best man speeches in verse, and other ones for special birthdays etc. never been paid for it though!

I blame Digby!

Male menopause? Mid-life crisis?
I loved your poem!

Brilliant! Have you thought of writing verses for greetings cards companies etc?
Can you help us out and establish his gender for certain?

Love the poem! Cats are such characters. Ours used to sit on the bed and watch me getting dressed and would give me a look as if to say "are you really going out in that"!

Actually, River Mr P and I have had a discussion along those lines. When Digby first arrived, he was a frightened thing, and would get on the worktop to feel safe. We allowed this at first, and although now he only does it briefly when coming in or out of the kitchen window, Maurice seems to think it's ok. (I would like to point out that I wipe the worktops over with antibac stuff, and never prepare food directly on them!)

Greatnan that's probably about right, he'll be wanting a motorcycle or sports car next!

JessM not sure my style would suit greetings cards, they seem to prefer something more "succinct" but maybe I could work on it!

"sunseeker" I know that "look" only too well!

Meant to add, if anyone might like a poem/verse thing done for an occasion, do let me know. Given a few anecdotes and a bit of background info, I can usually turn one out!

I line the poem phoenix. Could he have worms which are making him extra hungry?

No, shysal he's been wormed only recently. He just seems to have undergone a complete character change! I practically had to fight him out of the way with my elbow yesterday when making pizza dough. (I'm really fussy, I wash my hands thoroughly before any food preparation, and won't touch the cats or anything that they might have been in contact with until I have finished)

As I said in the poem, he's always been so well mannered, but lately he seems to think he should have the same rights and privileges as myself and Mr P!

I don't think so!

I think if you can write like that phoenix you can develop a range of styles.

Whatever's the matter with Maurice?
His behaviour's become rather odd,
He used to be "couth" and refin-ed,
But now he's a yob and a sod!

River, she want's to blame Digby
But her finger of blame is too quick,
Poor Digby is so rarely naughty,
But I will grant you this, he is thick!

He could be in love
With the feline next door
You know who I mean - the slinky queen
On whose head a bucket of water you did pour!

I think you refer to young Bailey,
Who actually lives 2 doors down,
She really is most unpleasant
And I sometimes wish her I did drown!

Wonderful stuff. keep it coming.

Actually, River it was only a pint, but I think you can be allowed artistic licence!

Pheonix that's wonderful. I'm with Maurice. Give him a cuddle and extra sardines.

MiceElf his current passion (apart from that which we have to refer to as "solid dairy product", as using the word c.h.e.e.s.e results in him standing by the fridge door with a very expectant look) is crab

I sometimes buy a pot of crabmeat in Waitrose and a couple of brown rolls, Mr P and I then have a crab roll at lunchtime. Maurice has to be either restrained or shut out of the kitchen whilst this is being prepared. Once done, he is given the pot to lick. It is very well cleaned, after which there follows an intensive face wash, as he has plunged his whole visage into the post to ensure every last bit has been eaten.

Oh my paws and whiskers! Crabmeat. I bet he's feeling smug. He's got you quite where he wants you!

Yup, the cleverer of them do seem to manage to do that! Although, to be fair, it's us that we buy the crab meat for not Maurice, he just gets the lickings!

Unlike my mothers (late) cat, who when elderly would not only refuse to eat anything but chicken, but (and I kid you not) it has to be M&S cooked chicken portions!

I meant "pot" not "post" at 21.06! I think I might be the one going senile!

Sorry, wrong thread!

Just worked out what's the matter with M.
Dogs are the same. If you keep feeding them snacks and tidbits then they follow you round nagging. Turn into real pests. Cut the treats, one plain meal a day, and he will no longer be underfoot.

Sorry Phoenix but you seem to have forgotten the rule .

Dogs have owners, cats have staff !