Scared at home at night when alone

I know someone who is in a very similar situation to the o.p.
She has a good alarm system and outside lighting.
She has a fake TV alarm/light....a small gadget that she leaves on in the living room, from outside it looks as though someone is up watching television, it's very effective. I think she bought it from Amazon.
She ensures her mobile phone is charged and kept within reach and has a specific routine for checking the house, this is helpful because it saves the 'did I check' thoughts that can run away with you at times.
The other thing they do is her partner will occasionally move the car.... leave it in the garage instead of the drive etc. Also not make it obvious he's going away.

My husband died 11 years ago, my son still lived at home then. He had a girlfriend and would go on holidays and stay with her often and I always dreaded those nights initially on my own. At first I would keep the light on in my room nearly all night and barely sleep. I did gradually get better on those nights and just kept the landing light on. When my son left to live with his girlfriend I was very nervous at first. Still kept the landing light on but all that did was to remind me I was on my own every time I roused from sleep. After a few days I turned it off and I slept so much better. It took a little while to stop being completely nervous but looking back it gradually stopped and now I don’t even think about it. I actually quite like being on my own. I have a smart tv on my bedroom and I often watch a comedy or something light before I go to sleep. Try not to stress yourself too much about being alone. I think it’s quite common to feel that way when you’re used to having someone there but there are lots of people on their own at night. Keep your phone handy as it’s a good way to connect with the people online if you’re feeling very isolated 💐

Changing your thoughts can help with anxiety. A good thought for me is that it is very unlikely someone will break in tonight. No-one ever has. Instead of feeling scared I might as well relax. If it is my fate, so be it. If it is not why suffer needlessly. Sufficient unto the day.

When my partner has his occasional weekend away I have a routine. I shut all the doors. If some of them are opened they will make a noise. Then I put the curtain up across the stairs and behind it place the linen bin on the corner of the stairs. At the top of the stairs is another linen bin. Behind my bedroom door is a heavy doorstop. Then I sleep with a heavy glass ornament by my pillow it is an animal with slim neck and heavy body. I would use that to hit anyone who came near. I have outside security light and cameras. I do not sleep well at the best of times but this does make me feel better. I think the handbag idea is a good one.

My husband always worked away, we have had 10 homes in our married life and not once had I been nervous until a break in 3 years ago.
We were out but it was a nasty burglary.
We had an alarm and CCTV, they were caught through the CCTV pictures.
The first time I was alone overnight after the break in I locked myself in the bedroom and took a golf club to bed!
Eventually after a few nights I relaxed and am no longer nervous.

I don't think it's pathetic to be scared of the dark. I am, and I think it's an instinctive thing. I'm ok if I can see an outline, but don't like pitch darkness. I wear a sleep mask (with headphones as mentioned above) which I can take off very quickly if I want to, and have quite thin curtains that let light in from the streetlamp outside. It works for me. (my husband could sleep on a tightrope with a spotlight shining on him, so he's not bothered).

house alarm 'on' at night when alone...otherwise we are lazy about using it and there are various settings including an upstairs keypad. We have a video doorbell as well so that records any activity at front porch and neighbours security light is activated if anyone at our side passage. I used to have security light at the back of house but was too sensitive, would go off when daffodils moved in a breeze and was high powered. Modern ones are more efficient.

You are not at all pathetic. No-one can help being afraid. I was petrified of being alone at home in a thunderstorm. So when my husband died, I opted for a retirement flat. I'm glad I did, I never feel afraid now, as there are 50 neighbours I can call on, plus a pull-chord straight to all emergency services. The building feels very secure. Not sure if you and your husband are old enough, but worth a thought.

I keep a pitchfork in the bedroom and we have steep stairs that creak. I'm also fairly agile still.

www.techtimes.com/articles/247822/20200306/best-barking-dog-alarms-for-security-and-safety-in-your-home.htm

I have a ring video system. Ant noise I can look on my iphone which is connected to the video feed. I’ve seen some lovely wild life. No burglars thankfully.

I am glad the OP is having CBT - it really can help and I hope you can engage with it and get the real benefit which it can offer. I feel for you - it's tough to feel afraid and hope you can find a way ahead which works for you.

I am the same. The first night I was awake all night. Now I take my phone with me put the alarm on lock my bedroom door and wedge a chair under the handle. I then play the radio on a timer to go to sleep. Works for me!

Oh Netflixfan I understand how you feel. We have always had a burglar alarm and use it every night. I don’t like being alone in the house at night though. Pathetically I’m a wee bit scared of the dark. We installed dusk till Dawn lights outside also cameras back and front and inside too so I do feel a lot safer when on the odd time I am alone in the house at night. Another dog is the way to go for you I think it’s company too and I might also be tempted to leave a small light on, just a low powered one it might make you feel better and less nervous.

Rejoice in the fact that you can please yourself. Read a book or watch some good on TV. You will drop off eventually.

I can highly recommend getting a rescue dog. I lived in remote countryside all alone but had a scary looking German shepherd ! She was a pussy cat really!

Perhaps your local police station would give you advice on making your home secure? I don't know if the police actually do that but our local fire brigade will come round and advise you on fire-proofing your home so perhaps the constabulary offer something similar. Worth a try. Might make you feel better if you take their advice.

Luckygirl3

NanKate

My DH put a small lock on our bedroom door so I lock myself in on the rare occasion he is away.

I also have some small lights that I have by the bed, so if I don’t want to be in the complete dark I have the light on. I have my mobile phone to hand and this all makes me feel pretty safe.

I am not sure that a lock on the door is wise. If paramedics needed to get to you or the fire service then they would be hampered.

Good point.
Also tbh if I need to pee in a hurry I don’t want to be struggling with locks or bolts on the door.😂

crazyH Ditto here. I’ve learned to love being alone at home. I couldn’t share again either.

It’s bliss deciding for myself what to do, read, look at,listen, every day.

Sara1954

Yammy
The locked door is a good idea, I also have an escape route, I think I could easily climb out of the sash window onto a lower roof, where I would yell for help.
My children always slept with me when my husband was away, they thought it was a treat for them, but it was really for my benefit.

Sara, I forgot the escape route I had one then onto a bay window that I knew the Dds could use and here I have a porch I could get to. I also have an ensuite now that makes things easier.

My new build has 7 wired-in PIR lights. They are brilliant at their job and come on if a car or person comes anywhere close to the house. My house position is at the top of a close and no-one passes by to trigger any of them. They actually light my way if I need to go to my garage in the dark

My back garden is fully enclosed by fencing and walls maybe 7` tall and the back gate has a bolt half way down. I put that on the day I moved in, always security conscious

I think any property is worth a look around with an objective mind. eg how would I get in if I lost my key?

I am not sure about the value of PIR lights. We had one in the back garden of our last house. Cats triggered it and we did not often motic when it came on because the lined curtains were shut.

Where we are now the garden is pitch black with no light coming into it from other houses or gardens. Again we have lined curtains. I think we get greater security because anyone in the garden is going to be blundering around in the pitch dark and even with a torch will have difficulty getting the lie of the land,.

At the front we have about 6 foot of garden and we have a light level triggered porch light, that comes on as it gets dark and switches off with daylight. Anyone trying to break in at the front will be very visible to neighbours and passers by. And because the light goes on and off, gives the impression the house is occupied, even whenwe are away.

If you have immediate neighbours I'm sure they wouldn't mind giving you their phone numbers. Then keep your phone by your bed so if you are really worried you can phone them. You probably never would but it's reassuring. Houses do make all sorts of creaks and noises at night which makes us imagine all sorts of things.

If you leave your handbag downstairs I would make sure there are no credit cards in it. What about sorting out a handbag you don’t use and putting some cash in there plus a couple of old things to make it look “right”. Then leave that downstairs.
My dh used to work nights so I was mainly alone at night. I did get used to it and I did take my bag upstairs. I even left the alarm off in the end.

what if

Two words that can be seriously debilitating

Good doors and windows PIR lights and house position, these are what can ensure your safety at home. If you have that then there is no point in that psychological `what if` imagined fear.