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My friends aren't interested in my grandchildren :(

(48 Posts)
Fan9 Fri 08-Apr-11 11:16:44

I really love spending time with my grandchildren, even though I only get to see them quite occasionally. I think they are wonderful and talented and my daughter is very good about keeping me updated so I'm never too behind with all their goings on.
But I would love to be able to share the joy I get from my grandchildren with some of my friends where I live, but they really don't seem to 'get' it. Maybe I'm just a boring person to talk to or maybe they just have different interests - I just think it's so sad I don't have the opportunity to tell other people about how proud I am...
Do you think I sound like the kind of friend you'd shun? Am I terrible? I just don't have ANYTHING to compare myself to.

rachj2001 Thu 05-May-11 09:44:04

That's really so sad to hear. Do your friends locally have grandchildren of their own? Perhaps those who do would "get it" more? You can most definitely tell us how proud you are of your grandchildren. I think it's wonderful that you are.

I had the opposite problem when my daughter was growing up - her grandparents weren't particularly interested in her and that's really torn me apart. When I was growing up I spent an awful lot of time with my grandparents and they were some of the best days of my life and have left me with such very happy memories. I just naturally assumed that my parents and in-laws would be the same when I had children. What a rude awakening and how very sad it was for her that she didn't have the relationship with them that I did with my grandparents. You don't need to ask who I hope to be taking after with my own grandchildren!

You most definitely don't sound like the kind of friend I'd shun - you sound like an absolute star. Please carry on being loud and proud about your love of your grandchildren - even if it doesn't mean as much to your friends as you would hope, it will mean everything to your grandchildren as they grow up.

supernana Thu 05-May-11 15:38:55

Of course you are madly keen to share the pride you feel in your grandchildren with your friends. Stay with it. I'm certain that I go over the top where mine are concerned. Because I live in Scotland (the family in England) I'm forever printing images of my brood and the local wee shop pins them up on a notice board. Now, that's what I call service with a

dorsetpennt Thu 05-May-11 16:30:18

My son is a househusband for his 2 year old daughter, another due in November. He is a terrific father but I know he needs regular breaks and company. Unlike stay at home mums there isn't a network of playdates etc. He takes his daughter to playgroups three times a week and from time to time another father goes. Much to their mutual relief. I go up every 6 weeks or so [I live on the South Coast he in London] for a few days to help out and give him a much needed break. A friend of mine, who doesn't have grandchildren said 'What again?' when I said I'm going up next week. I AM invited so I don't impose upon them. Both he and his wife are always keen for me to go and I do enjoy spending time with them. I felt really awful when my friend said that and felt maybe I shouldn't go.

GrandmaRos Thu 05-May-11 17:31:31

I adore my two grandaughters and would talk endlessly about them to anyone who would listen!! I am lucky enough to see them about once a week, am invited to babysit or have them to stay overnight occasionally. Fortunately, I am blessed with a circle of friends who are also grandparents so we can natter on for ever about the wonders of our little ones. Perhaps your friends are not grandparents and so don't understand the delight that we are gaining. Don't worry about it, get maximum pleasure out of them just for yourself, and one day soon you will meet a kindred spirit!

pinkprincess Thu 05-May-11 20:28:12

Four of my five grandchildren live with me so I see them everyday.I have shared in the care of all five of them from birth and love it, although I wish my house had elastic walls!.
My friends think I am mad.I had a very good relationship with my maternal grandparents and always hoped to do the same with my grandchildren .They (my grandparents) were my model.I only saw my paternal grandmother occaisionly due to distance but she always remembered our birthdays and Christmas.I had no contact with my paternal grandfather, as he left the family home when I was a small child.

oldblue Thu 05-May-11 23:14:30

I could bore for England about my beautiful intelligent grandchildren, but I have learned to curb my enthusiasm. Instead I tell my daughter and daughter-in -law and their husbands how wonderful their children are, sometimes we forget those closest to us need and deserve praise, too.
Also, I find that they are never bored when I do so.

AngelChris Fri 06-May-11 09:27:28

I read your comment about wondering whether you should go and help with your grandchildren after your 'friend's' comment - "What! Again?!"
Always look at what is going on for the person who makes these comments - was there a reason she said what she did? You don't need to ask her, just ponder it yourself. Then do what you really want to do - which sounds as though you go visit your grandchildren to help your wonderful son.

babyjack Sat 07-May-11 17:25:38

I love my little Grandson and everything he does however I am aware that for most of my friends he is just another toddler!! I talk to other grandparents who do understand which is great. I think some of my friends would like grandchildren of their own so i try to be sensitive and not talk too much about how great is in having a grandchild.

LiziBG Sat 07-May-11 22:22:47

Dorsetpennt - I have had similar experience to you with a work colleague with no grandchildren yet inferring that I was visiting or having them visit too often. I absolutely adore my GSs and am so grateful that I am a part of their lives but his comments made me question whether I am helping or interfering and like you I felt awful and that I should back off. I did for a bit but then realised this was more to do with this person than it was about my situation..... I have helped with the childcare since they were born and I know it is appreciated. Wise words from AngelChris. Just carry on doing what you're doing, I'm sure they just love you to bits.

Natalie Sun 15-May-11 16:25:55

Do get a life! Are you defined by your and your children's reproductive capacity? There are other topics of conversation than grandchildren, unless you mix entirely in "smug grannie" circles.
Come to think of it, it's sad that this website by default defines older women as grandmothers and rather patronisingly invites grandfathers in.
Do/did you have a career or job, paid or unpaid? Have you got hobbies and interests? What about exchanging views with your friends about news and current events?
And spare a thought for older women who were unable to have children and had to come to terms with the loss (pre the advent of IVF), or whose children are showing no signs of reproducing, adopting, or surrogacy to provide them with grandkids.

artygran Fri 20-May-11 07:36:39

Tricky one this. I don't think it's that they don't "get it". When you hear your friends banging on about grandchildren you haven't got,or maybe have but are not allowed to have a proper relationship with (it does happen), and you are trying to be stoical about it, it leaves you with a very hollow feeling. We waited a long time for what looks like being our only grandchild, and when friends' children start producing grandchildren you feel a bit left out, but you follow their progress and be happy for the grandparents who are your friends. Good manners would not allow me to say things like "What, again?" Now we have a grandchild who we adore and about whom I would bang on endlessly given half a chance. We have friends who have no grandchildren and who now enquire politely about ours. Once the preliminaries are out of the way I tend to steer the conversation away from him and don't come back to it unless prompted. However, once you have a grandchild in common with others, they do tend to become your only topic of conversation if you're not careful. No matter how much people tell you how wonderful it is to be a grandparent, you cannot know until you experience it for yourself. It is a revelation. I'm sure you'll find a kindred spirit before long and if not, there's always gransnet!

BJN2 Fri 20-May-11 14:06:19

Why should other people be interested in your grandchildren, they are your grandchildren, not theirs.

I adore my two, they are of course the most beautiful, clever and talented children in the world (well I think so anyway).

But I don't suppose you would be keen to hear me going on about them all the time.

Notsogrand Fri 20-May-11 14:59:59

I think it's just fine and dandy to talk about your grandchildren as much as you want and to visit them as often as you possibly can. smile

Obviously, the response you get will depend upon the experience and sensibilities of the person you're talking to, but I don't feel the need to hold back in case the person I'm speaking to doesn't have grandchildren. Neither would I hesitate to talk about my love of gardening to somebody who lives in a flat.

Eleanorre Fri 20-May-11 23:18:29

I have a neighbour who could bore you to bits about her family . She was upset because someone said to her that they had never met anyone so obsessed with their children and grandchildren and I have come to the conclusion that I agree. Ask about your friend's grandchildren and add your bit but do not let it take over the conversation completely.

gangy5 Sat 21-May-11 16:44:21

I am sorry to have to say that I don't think there are many people - friends or relations, who will happily listen to you babbling on about your grandchildren. I am extremely proud of mine and their Mums and Dads but I do sincerely believe that talking about them too much to others is a bore.

babyjack Sat 21-May-11 21:45:06

Share it with others who adore your grandchild, my daughter and I switch off the TV and just watch him play!!! This is totally lost on my husband!!!

granmouse Tue 24-May-11 15:36:37

Well I do understand-my husband is not really interested and none of my friends have children so although they are polite I feel I am boring them if I indulge in gc talk.Why not start a thread here where grandparents can share their grandchildren's acievements etc and only those who are interested need read/comment.

toothfairy Tue 24-May-11 16:55:39

What a brilliantly boring idea granmouse,count me out.

Single Sun 07-Apr-19 13:36:58

Would you be interested if someone went on endlessly about their new car, vacation home, or other? There are things we are all thrilled about personally which hold little interest for others. Grandchildren are one of them. Also, there are people who don't have grandchildren - or will never have grandchildren - so think of it as talking on and on about your Rolls Royce to a person who drives a 15 year old Honda - this potentially could even cause enough resentment to end a friendship. Think about your audience - if they seem interested, talk on. If they aren't - leave the subject alone. Hopefully you are well versed enough to actually have other subjects to talk about! Finally - often when your friends have grandchildren they suddenly have no time for you - all their free time is spent visiting the grandchildren. That's not cool either.

Riverwalk Sun 07-Apr-19 13:42:59

Good grief, this thread is eight years old!

I wonder if any of the posters are still around? hmm

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 13:51:23

I have three friends with grandkids and we share all the ups and downs goods and bads, which means I LISTEN as much as I talk
Although I might tell others without grandkids a little bit of good news or show an occasional photo I would never go on and on and never expect others to listen or even be slightly interested Why would they?
As for the corner (village) shop pinning up news items or photos my mind boggles I do hope that was a joke supernanna

Please don’t anyone start a bragging thread that would be a nightmare

BlueBelle Sun 07-Apr-19 13:53:04

Oh blimey Riverwalk I never look at the date haha??

Elegran Sun 07-Apr-19 14:00:31

This was discussed eight years ago in another thread too. Perhaps reading it might give the other side of the coin.

Farmor15 Sun 07-Apr-19 15:43:32

It is tempting to want to share news about ones family with friends, but I think you also need to be sensitive that it may not be fascinating to everyone. Most younger people are aware that their pregnancy may cause sadness to friends who have had a miscarriage or problems conceiving.

Even if friends have grandchildren, they can’t all be talented, high achievers. Some may have problems, even if not visible, so boasting about ones own grandchildren is probably insensitive, apart from being boring to others.