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My friends aren't interested in my grandchildren :(

(49 Posts)
Fan9 Fri 08-Apr-11 11:16:44

I really love spending time with my grandchildren, even though I only get to see them quite occasionally. I think they are wonderful and talented and my daughter is very good about keeping me updated so I'm never too behind with all their goings on.
But I would love to be able to share the joy I get from my grandchildren with some of my friends where I live, but they really don't seem to 'get' it. Maybe I'm just a boring person to talk to or maybe they just have different interests - I just think it's so sad I don't have the opportunity to tell other people about how proud I am...
Do you think I sound like the kind of friend you'd shun? Am I terrible? I just don't have ANYTHING to compare myself to.

Maggiemaybe Sun 07-Apr-19 16:29:19

I wonder if any of the posters are still around?

I recognise a couple of the names, Riverwalk, but haven't seen them on here recently. What a shame Jingl didn't get involved.

I didn't actually know that the phrase "Get a life" had been round for so long. grin

JenniferEccles Mon 08-Apr-19 12:07:19

Well I am afraid I am on your friends' side in this OP.

I am a grandmother and love our little grandson BUT I have absolutely no intention of boring (yes boring is the right word you know) my friends by going on about him.

Unfortunately some people seem to have no other topic of conversation, apart from what the GC are doing, and quite frankly it is incredibly tedious.

My friends and I usually have a quick catch up about the GC, but then we move on to other topics, and that's how it should be in my opinion.

It's important to remember that even good friends are really not completely fascinated with our grandchildren you know!

Dinahmo Tue 09-Apr-19 12:17:14

This takes me back to my twenties when the only topics of conversation were babies and houses. (I'm not a grandmother, or a mother) In the dim and distant past one couple we used to visit used to demonstrate their daughter's skill with flash cards as soon as we entered the house. When we moved further away and they visited us occasionally, the mum accused me of showing more attention to the children of our friends and neighbours than I did to hers.

I do like children (not babies - I prefer puppies) and those of my close friends are in their 30's or 40's. I am genuinely interested in the lives of my close friends' children and GC so it is no big deal to hear about them. I can't always remember the names of the GC though. I may be lucky with my friends - when I ask about the GC they will show me photos and tell me how they're getting on but none of them bore at length.

Urmstongran Tue 09-Apr-19 12:56:26

I love our grandchildren to bits. I adore them! However when fellow grannies get out their smartphones.....

VeryBlueberry Sun 11-Jun-23 02:55:56

Of course they are not. Quite frankly, nobody’s THAT much interested in other people’s grandchildren. How much are you interested in your friend’s grandchildren? Can you to listen to your friends bragging about their grandchildren every time and endlessly? Don’t expect or force others to love what you love. You’re squeezing your favourite pancake into the mouth of someone who can only handle a small bite of it. Talk about your grandchildren briefly or only when you’re asked, and quickly change the topic.

FannyCornforth Sun 11-Jun-23 03:45:13

VeryBlueberry why on earth are you replying to a post that is 12 years old?

FannyCornforth Sun 11-Jun-23 03:45:58

I doubt if the original poster is that interested in her grandchildren at this point 🤷‍♀️

Sparklefizz Sun 11-Jun-23 09:00:33


I doubt if the original poster is that interested in her grandchildren at this point 🤷‍♀️

Haha. Fanny Those kids are grown up now. Perhaps OP's friends are now more inclined to spend time with her. (Sorry, that was a mean comment sad )

FannyCornforth Sun 11-Jun-23 10:04:16

No it wasn’t Sparklefizz! 🤭

eazybee Sun 11-Jun-23 10:07:45

Fan9, I can't believe you could actually be so insensitive as to write this post.

ixion Sun 11-Jun-23 10:10:59

How do people actually find these old posts, that's what intrigues me!

FannyCornforth Sun 11-Jun-23 10:14:25

Me too ixion, it’s weird isn’t it.

Eazybee what do you mean?
There wasn’t anything ‘insensitive’ in the (12 year old) opening post

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Jun-23 10:38:58


I could bore for England about my beautiful intelligent grandchildren, but I have learned to curb my enthusiasm. Instead I tell my daughter and daughter-in -law and their husbands how wonderful their children are, sometimes we forget those closest to us need and deserve praise, too.
Also, I find that they are never bored when I do so.

THIS is it exactly!
Enjoy talking about your grandchildren with your adult children (and maybe wider family who love them too!).

Do not be the bore with no other conversation!
Harsh maybe but how I feel.

My closest friend and I do talk about our grandchildren, briefly on a regular basis "how is x doing at the new school" or "has y sorted his problem with z" and we might extend this chat if we feel the need for support over say, a hospital admission. Occasionally we might talk about something we feel the need just to vent about!

All this might take a few minutes but mostly we talk about mutual interests- gardens, books, travel (in the past and forthcoming), mutual friends, politics, news and current affairs. We compare the world to the world today to the one we grew up in sometimes.

... there is only so much "other people's grandchildren" a woman can bear!
On more than one occasion one of us have said "OK, that's enough about the children..." We do love each other's families and have known them for over 40 years. We have been mutually supportive all that time but being a grandparent doesn't define us.

I would not usually discuss my grandchildren with newer friends except in passing.
And I'm not really interested in theirs - except out of politeness.

annsixty Sun 11-Jun-23 10:41:24

I obviously missed this thread when it was first around or I would have had made a comment.
I and several other people have actually had to take the drastic step of almost cutting one person out of our lives.
She has no interest in anything but her family.
First her children and then her GC.
They are so perfect, so talented, they leave everyone behind.
My GC are never mentioned or asked about.
I feel sorry for her because friends avoid her now and her family are all she has.
She lives in sheltered accommodation and if her name is mentioned the look comes over the person’s face even if no comment is made
It truly is as bad as that.

LRavenscroft Sun 11-Jun-23 10:42:06

I don't think it is a one size fits all. Choose people who are in a similar position to you who like to talk about their grandchildren. With people who don't have grandchildren/are too young/are estranged, choose some other subject which more about them or shared interests. Why not keep a journal about the doings of your grandchildren and updates about them from your daughter? Like that you would have a record and perhaps could read back on it/add photos as you go. You never know, you may be doing a great service in years to come for them to look back on. My dad was a brilliant photographer and without his photos we would have little record of what went before. As for me, my eyes glaze over when people start to talk about their grandchildren because, having worked in early years and had kids of my own, I am all too familiar with how clever everyone's children are! It is all about balance.

LRavenscroft Sun 11-Jun-23 10:49:38

P.S. I once met a rather obnoxious lady who said to me that it was a shame I did not have grandchildren as I was missing out on life and added that she hoped I would one day be blessed with them. As long as my children are happy and healthy (late 30s), that is all I wish for them, their lives, their decisions etc are theirs to choose and live with.

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Jun-23 10:50:18

I know this is an old thread but I do still meet the most dreadful "grandparent bores" now and again!

NanaDana Sun 11-Jun-23 10:53:39

This post is so old that perhaps we should change it into a discussion about how to relate to Grandchildren who are now in their "terrible teens". However, going back to the original question, yes, it's so tempting to bore the proverbials off people with your understandable pride in your GC, but I've always tried to adopt the same approach as I do with my sadly mounting toll of health issues. Part of "the Nun's prayer" sums it up for me : "Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of other’s pains, but help me to endure them with patience."

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Jun-23 10:54:49

Some of us do have grandchildren, are not too young, are not estranged, and would still like friends to choose some other subject!

I wonder why you think this might be why we don't just do "grandchildren" chat?

TerriBull Sun 11-Jun-23 12:19:26

This is a very old thread, but rather a bizarre point of view being put forward. Why would others have any more than a passing interest in other people's grandchildren. My husband mentioned to me before we had grandchildren together, he already had three, beware of "The Professional Grandparent" they occupy a very one dimensional space! We do know of such people it becomes their raison d'etre shock

LRavenscroft Sun 11-Jun-23 12:29:07


Some of us do have grandchildren, are not too young, are not estranged, and would still like friends to choose some other subject!

I wonder why you think this might be why we don't just do "grandchildren" chat?

My post was a generalised comment to the OP and therefore I did not choose to go into detail about grandparents who do talk about other subjects who, in my experience, are few and far between. Good for you if you are able to maintain this conversational balance. An art in itself.

Franbern Mon 12-Jun-23 17:41:57

I really detest it when people pull out their phones to show me those photos of their g.children, as babies, swimming, having a birthday party, dressed up for book day at school, first day at school etc.etc. Just like a million other children. Totally boring to me.

Yes, I have eight g.children, have never shown a photo of any of them unless they have actually asked if I have any pictures. Yes, I am tremendously proud of the achievements of my children, but do not impose those on other people. These are all an imprtant part of my life, but definitely not the be all!!!

When I am with other people, of similar age to myself we I discuss world and local affairs, discuss home making, compare notes on kitchens, bathrooms, etc. etc. I love to encourage older people to talk about themselves, so many have wonderfully interesting backgrounds. Rarely talk about g.children. Not even sure amongst my aquaintenances who has or does not have these.

Do wonder if the OP would like to come back to us and tell us if those g.children (now teenagers) are still as wonderful as she thought they were.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 28-Jun-23 15:25:17

I think we all, especially as we age, need to be very careful that we don't contiinually talk about our pet interest, whether this is grandchildren, cats or anything else under the sun.

No-one quite honestly wants to hear all about my marvellous clever cats morning, noon and night, or DH's poor health or whatever.

Wanting to share your pride in your grandchildren is natural, but please do remember that the very topic can be painful to those who do not have children or grandchildren and would dearly love to have had them and to those who are estranged from their families.

If you don't even know what your friends' interests are, as I infer, perhaps unfairly from what you wrote, it is high time you tried to find out, otherwise you are quite certainly boring to try to talk to.