recovering from betrayal.is it possible?

Yes, do, nemonan!

And Gran7 well done! I am proud to be one of your virtual friends. xx

What a wonderful feeling of power, self respect and independence coming across to Gran7 nemonan, and dancingfeet

Hi Friends,
I think I can now call you that, and thank you for your encouragement and support.
I am still resolved in divorcing him and starting a new life for myself, although yesterday I had a "wobble" in our town centre. Seeing people out and about laughing and chatting, just generally being happy, I lost all my confidence and started to cry. I felt so dependant on him and that I could not do the simplest of things like going shopping. I got to my sons house and cried my eyes out. It was more in anger than anything. Even going food shopping before, he would be there with me. Looking back I should have seen the signs of him making me dependant by taking the lock off the bathroom door. Anyway today is a new day. I have looked at some property with my son and there are a couple of possibilities there. I love my son and his family dearly, but I need to be on my own to get over my fears, plus I will welcome the peace and quiet, lol. I have actually done my hair in a different style and applied some make-up as well. This is a first for me in along time. Going into town shortly with son, so should be ok.

Nemonana
Please keep in touch. Take each day as it comes knowing that you will get through this. I have had amazing support from everyone on here, and believe it or not it's they who have kept me strong. I am thinking of you, and hope you are alright.

Love and Hugs to everyone
Gran7 to you all

Gran7 Shedding tears for the loss that you are still in the process of coming to terms with, is essential for your well being. I admire your strength and resolve. You will overcome. and

You are doing so well Gran7 but, even though you may be having blips, you are in control. Its very hard doing everyday things and watching other happy couples being normal but hang on in there and make the most of your son's support. I can remember queuing up in a supermarket on Valentine's Day watching ordinary men buying flowers and being consumed with anger to the point that I came home and shattered the windscreen of my OH's car...you are far saner than that!

Gran7 it is so hard at first, I used to have panic attacks in the supermarket, but you will get there in the end!

My daughter was married to a control freak who took the lock off the bathroom door (he also insisted on all the tins of food facing the same way!).
When she first met him, she was warned by one of his old school friends that he was exceedingly unpopular at school which usually gives you a good idea of a man's character. He used to choose her clothes and lay them out on the bed each day. After 14 years, she discovered that he had been downloading gay porn on the family laptop. She will never trust another man, so at the age of 46 she has given up on relationships.

I have the utmost admiration for any woman who makes the decision to leave a partnership that is not enriching - you are brave and deserve to get some happiness.

Greatnan That ex-husband of your daughter was a total waste of space. I can't help but feel angry [and bitter] on her behalf. Had I been married to him, I would have longed to stuff one of his precious tins where the sun don't shine. I wish her well

You're doing fine

Hello Everyone

Its me again. Just to give you an update, I think I have found my own place. Its a 1 bed house in a great as area, and I even have some friends that dont live far away.

He is still bullying me by text message, but have shown them to my solicitor, who is writing to him asking him to stop, or face court action. I have also filed for the divorce. That is going to shock him also.

I am getting stronger as the weeks go by, and have started on the road to making new friends, and already have 2 lunch dates lined up. Life is good at the moment and I cant wait now to move in for some peace and quiet. I love my son and family dearly but I need my own space so that I can get used to it and just be myself again.

To anyone who reads this and is going through the same thing, take heart, you are doing the right thing. Your self-respect is much more important than having a man that destroys everything that you believed in before you met him. You are strong and a surviver like me. Please feel free to contact me any time, as once I am in my own home I will be able to come on here whenever I want to. You will also get plenty of support from the lovely ladies on here who have helped me through some difficult moments. Be strong and be Brave.

Thank you all again Ladies. The best thing I ever did was find Gransnet. Love to you all.

Gran7 What an amazing lady you are. Your update sounds upbeat and positive. You are a winner. Very well done.

Gran7 that's wonderful news - more power to your elbow! You've found out what a strong woman you are and you have happy times ahead of you. It's rather like a honeymoon period that lasts for years when you get your own space and sanctuary, and can control what happens in your own home. I'm delighted for you. Good luck with your imminent house move

gran7 you sound so upbeat, its lovely to hear that you are getting things sorted.

Good for you Gran7, I hope your move to independence goes well!

Well done, indeed, gran7! The very, very best of happiness to you in your new life!

I haven’t visited this thread for a while, so thank you all for your messages of support. This is on my mind always – the first thing I think of in the morning, right through to the last thing at night. I do feel much calmer now, and am not bursting into tears all the time. The difference, I think, is that when I came home from a few days away on my own, where I had been doing a lot of thinking and trying to work through all my options, my (D)H had reverted to type. I thought that I would come home to a man determined to do everything in his power to mend our relationship – no such thing. He is either (a) thinking everything’s ok now and we can carry on as normal, or (b) if he keeps his head down I will ‘get over it’ or (c) he knows it’s not going to work so why bother trying. So, although I can’t leave as yet – there are commitments I can’t get out of, not to mention financial things to sort – I am planning in my head what I want to do & how I can do it. I have decided that whatever I do it will be what is best for me – for once, I come first. Now I need to stay strong and focussed on that goal. No doubt I shall be back for advice when the time comes to move on, and in the meantime I hope I can return the favour with support for others in a similar position.

Great news gran7 good luck and

Gran7 and NemoNan sending you both good wishes.

gran7 and nemonan love to you both, brave ladies. xx

gran7 and nemonan I admire your courage. We all have to find our own solutions, but you give me hope. I don't believe it's ever too late

gran7 - I am so please for you. Hope your future is full of

Full of admiration for you gran7. I've been contemplating and struggling with your a) b) c) for 10 years Nemonan. Don't waste your life.

Nemonan - I spent the first few weeks after receiving my daughter's completely unexpected hate-filled letter thinking of her nearly every minute of the day. I couldn't sleep and spent all my long walks composing letters to her. I tried writing a loving letter to her which resulted in only further ludicrous accusation. No longer that I stole from her, but just that I took back part of the money I lent her. Having been reassured by my other daughter, her children and my sister, who all know what I have done for her, I decided that I could not let her ruin the rest of my life. Whenever I started to slip towards the edge of the black hole of obsessing about her, I would pull away.
Day by day, the wound began to heal and now I can go a whole day without giving her more than a brief thought. From what her eldest daughter posts on her Facebook page, she seems to be doing all right, although she has spent most of her £350,000 damages in 18 months.
I have buried my grief and I am happy again. Sometimes I feel angry and that also helps.
Perhaps we need to go through that first phase of breakdown before we start to recover.
It will get better, I promise you.

I've been reading but not posting, not finding it easy to express day to day emotions. This afternoon I need to calm down. I have been left with huge debts run up on my cards by the man who conned me (how could you be so daft, I hear you say? Well, I loved him and I trusted him. Nothing can change that fact.) Now and then one of the creditors contacts me with more or less threatening letters. I am paying the debts off with very small monthly amounts, but of course they want more, and when I contact them, as I had to this afternoon, I try to stay calm but always fail and get tearful and defensive. I wish I didn't. When the call is over I'm shaking with the reminder all over again of what's happened and feeling I should have stayed calm and been stronger. I was hoping that as time passed I would get better at coping, but at the moment there's not much sign of that happening. Yes Greatnan - I agree - anger helps, though I'm afraid of being angry - early influences, it's bad to be angry - etc.

My heart goes out to the grans on this thread who have been betrayed and treated so terribly. Particularly when it happens at later stages in life, it just seems outrageous. Thank goodness for the support here.

Daisy you're not at all daft to have given your love and trust. He just didnt deserve you. It sounds as if you are being strong and starting to sort things out. Remember, you have lots of support here and we will be less hard on you than you are being on yourself.good luck

I echo Sewsilver's comments, Daisyanswerdo. Can you find any advice from CAB or somewhere? (I know there's a lady on here that knows a lot about CAB).