recovering from betrayal.is it possible?

gran7 , Daisyanswerdo & nemonan

It takes time to recover from the shock of betrayal & / or end of a relationship and emotions are same as for bereavement in my experience. Remember you
can live a full and happy life without your OH because you are strong and wonderful women. Ask for support and help from friends and professionals. That is a sign of strength not weakness. Sending any GNrs coping with deceit and betrayal lots positive thoughts and support x

daisy you trusted and loved him nothing daft in that, but he has not been honorable with you!

As green said a Lady will pop up soon with some very good advice, but I would say try to get an arrangement with the debtors, I have a friend who got into similar difficulties and is using the Consumer Credit Counselling Service, its a charity and so no charge, they will sort out a debt management plan or IVA but dont put any charges on as a Commercial Company would do.

daisy agreed here! there is a very knowledgeable lady on here who will put you in the right direction she will pop up soon,the CAB can help you in this matter and arrange to have contact with the creditors in your place that way removing all the pressure from you.Keep strong and keep in touch with everyone on GN.((hugs))

Can somebody pm her for daisy?

I have Sent Annobel a pm jeni.

Ah! Couldn't think who our cab expert was. Makes you wonder if something like an accessable list might be an idea?
What do you all think?

I was thinking more of when.

nag annobel is working with the CAB at the mo, but when is full of good advice.

Oh I see! Sorry - I know annobel always gives the most excellent advice, but I hadn't realised she actually worked at the CAB!

Good idea jeni all the girls have or know how to access help when needed it is so reasuring isn't it.

nag unless I have missed something and she has left but this last 2month I have been on another planet.

Welcome back, glass!

Thanks nag

glass, I can't find any trace of a pm from you. However, yes, I am a CAB volunteer. We are inundated with debt issues these days! I'd advise daisy to get in touch with her local CAB where a repayment plan can be worked out. Creditors are offered sometimes no more than token payments, on the basis of what money the client has available after all her outgoings are taken into consideration. Another thing the Bureau will do for her is to sort out what, if any, benefits she can claim. Age UK will also help with debt advice, but I think CAB probably has more resources.

Annobel just checked seems to have sent, must be some where in the ether, but you here now so its all sorted.

Apologies, glass Got it now. I have pm'd daisy with the information I've put in that last post. Message to anyone with similar problems: get help. Creditors and debt recovery agencies (ie bailiffs) are far more ruthless than they once were and think nothing of ringing up at all hours to harass people whom they know are vulnerable.

Thank you all. I know I'm not good at asking for help, but I did go to the CAB in desperation when I lived in Dorset. I need to go to the local one now I've moved and ask them to contact the creditors again, on my behalf. And I just hate sensing that everyone's thinking how stupid and gullible she must be, it's so hard to live with!

On a positive note, it's my birthday this weekend and I've been invited to dinner with both my sons and their families. Hooray .

Daisy! Keep your head held high - it can happen to anyone.

Anagram! I do, most of the time - just had a wobble today and you have all been so kind.

Daisyanswerdo and anyone else that is going through a traumatic time.

Please don't think you are to blame for what has happened. I myself am recovering from a deceiving man. You can and will come out of this with your head held high. Maintain your dignity, as I have, and as time goes on you will get stronger and stronger. I am now at the stage where I am for once receiving good news. I have found my own place and have my own money, albeit very tight, but I am now destiny to my own choices. Also I have filed for divorce, paperwork now signed and awaiting to go to post back to my solicitor. My soon to be ex husband is now in turmoil because of this and is being very nice to me, saying he is so sorry for the hurt he has caused me, and I am the best thing he has ever lost, and will regret his actions for the rest of his life. I have gained strength from this by saying to him that it's too late and he should think in his future life who he hurts. I just turned and walked away leaving him stunned and crying. Onwards and upwards for me. Maybe one day I will find someone who deserves what I can give, but I won't hold my breath. The future is all about me and the decisions I make. Cry when you have to, it's a good way to release the tension. God knows how hard I have cried over my ex, and will always love the man I fell in love with, but you only get one go at life, so make it count. You are strong and one day you will stand tall and say "I came out the other side". I am getting there, but still a long way to go. Give yourself a break, you are stronger than you think. I never thought I could manage without him, but I am amazing myself with what I can now do and still achieve.
Thanks to all my friends on here, you have been the most amazing of people I have had the pleasure of talking to.
Love to you all. Xx

Thank you for your post Gran7. Well done indeed for what you have achieved and are still achieving. I find it a bit of a rollercoaster, probably too affected by influences beyond my control, but tell myself that without the 'downs' there wouldn't be any 'ups'.

Gran7 and Daisy, you are two very courageous and very special people and it's a privilege to know you.

I don't agree with staying for the sake of finance but I do understand the fear of being stranded this way. My DIL's mother is constantly saying to me that she is with her husband 'only for the money' and has often said she feels sorry for me to have been on my own for so many years. However, after my divorce I was able to bring up my two children with success and carve out a decent career. That way I have a state pension and two career pensions. I was only 40 years old so had time to do that. However, to have this happen in say your 60's must be really awful and frightening. Do you have a really good friend/GP/priest that you can talk to. Try not to take medication if you can help. If you want to stay with your husband you need to talk to the culprit himself and lay down a few rules. What ever you decide if must be what YOU want and you need to give yourself time to grieve and think about your future. Don't rush into anything but give it a few months to really sort it out. It's a shame you don't see much of your children too, I'd hate that most of all. A daughter especially can be so understanding. We all feel for you and you know that all us GNs will at least respond to your comments and try to help.

Gran7 isn't it funny how regrets and tears always come when it's too late? My husband was the same - never made any attempt to be reasonable during our 15 years of marriage, but as soon as the divorce papers arrived he couldn't do enough. I left with the children and have avoided him for the last 20 odd years, as he met another woman a couple of years after we divorced and he treats her exactly the same - his pleas and promises to change never materialised into anything. My children have all encouraged her to leave but she thinks she is dependent on him. I am so glad I am not still stuck there with him.

Well done for having the gumption to move on with your life