Dear Jess, Nanachrissy, Shysal, Annobel, Mishap, Glamma and Carol - thanks to you all for such warm and helpful posts. It's so good to be able to express my feelings without holding back.
Actually I HAVE considered a short walking holiday, my husband wouldn't like me going away alone, but I have money he's given me as birthday present, and it would be a small adventure for me to go away alone, and just to say ""that's what I want to do. " A friend and her husband did a HF holiday in Scotland this year, and loved it. I do feel I should start to walk regularly locally first, just so I'm a little fitter - that's how I broke my wrist, walking alone! The trouble is, he doesn't want to do things himself, and really doesn't like me going off without him. He is like his Dad was, and I remember his Mum was always more outgoing, she had a struggle just going to WI etc as he didn't like her leaving him!!
For several years my cousin and I had a long weekend in germany at the Christmas markets, he didn't like it, but I went anyway. She can't at present as she cares for her Dad who's not at all well.
We did have a month in Australia last January when my son married out there, which was wonderful. My husband has always wanted to go to Hawaii, its a dream of his, but he relies on me to do the research and booking, so may be I'll get on with that also, as it would probably do us both good, otherwise it won't happen. He has never been happy in any of his jobs, he is not a very contented happy person, and even if we split, I'm not sure he would improve.
I think you're right Mishap, our relationship is not all bad - I just need to get out more and make my own enjoyment, when I've been with people I really feel better. Last year on my 60th he arranged a surprise birthday party for me, plus a spa weekend with my sister, which was great. Its just on a daily basis that he never wants to do anything, or talk about much - and I think we'll have a long time later on in life to just sit indoors and do nothing, and should make the most of life now while we can.
I think he has some depression and issues, he certainly gets the SAD symptons, and I've suggested he see the doctor, or get a light box, needless to say he hasn't wanted to. And yes Jess, I can see those feelings he has don't help me - glad your OH is feeling more positive now x
Not sure about the massage, I've only had a couple, and didn't really enjoy it, tho I liked the spa weekend covering ourselves with mud! Don't really want to go to doctor, hate the idea of tablets, just being here has made me feel a bit better thanks. I am not a very pro active person as you've probabl;y deduced, but I really must take some definite action very soon to do some things for me. Thanks again lovely ladies xx