Thankyou all for your kind replies x I've been off work for 3 months with a badly broken wrist, and couldn't get out much as I live in the sticks and couldn't drive, so I think that hasn't helped. I'm going back in a week or so, which I hope will help me get out of this depressed feeling a bit
You're all correct about my self esteem being at rock bottom, and I eat junk food, and don't look after myself.
All my friends seem to do stuff with their husbands like just going for a stroll at seaside, etc, but he doesn't want to. I keep him company when he wants to do something with HIS interests, ie landrover show! His only close friend emigrated several years ago, we were friends as a family, and we both miss them. He is a selfish person, but good in many ways. We have talked about going our own way in the past, but never seem to do anything. we just drift on. He has said he thinks we drifted into the relationship and wonders if we ever reallyloved each other. It was our Silver Wedding in October and we didn't celebrate, just got one card from my sister. Very sad.
I know I need people in my life, which he doesn't seem to. My oldest son is married and living in Australia, the youngest is in the Forces so I don't see him much.
I do go out and see my friends sometimes, he is invited but doesnt go, so I'm like a single person at many times.
I did try starting a walking group a couple of years ago, but the people drifted off only three to start with. I could try ramblers but don't think I'm fit enough at moment.
I have already looked at U3a but the things I liked wer on the days I work. May try looking again thanks for the suggestion.
I don't want to move nearer by job, as its more in a big town and expensive, and I have more friends round here, and I like the country side and coast. If. we split, i would move to a local small town, near people I know and with public transport. Its so remote here - he loves it, we moved at his wish about 15 years ago, as I thought it would make him happier.
My younger sister and husband come and stay about twice a year for a day or so, but my husband can be a bit difficult, ie doesn't like to stay up too late and they do, etc, and doesn't exactly welcome them with open arms, so I'm always bit worried he'll be rude to them. he says it's just his way, but he does come across a bit rude and grumpy!! I make him sound so wonderful don't I!
Sorry for going on, it's good to get some others opinions, and I will try the pros and cons list.
May be my NY resolution will be to join something, ie line dancing near by, which will help me lose a bit of weight. Thanks again