Arranged marriage

Just introducing people in the hope that they will fall in love is hardly the same as arranging a marriage.
I worked with a second-generation, British born Indian woman, and she said her parents still thought things were just the same there as when they left 40 years ago, before she was born. She was never able to convince them that society had moved on in India. What I found truly amazing was that her mother spoke hardly any English - apparently her father thought it might 'give her ideas'.

The examples shared here highlight something important: there’s a significant difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage. When two people are introduced and given the freedom to decide for themselves, it’s really another way of meeting a potential partner rather than having a life decision made for them.

Many cultures view marriage as a partnership between families as well as individuals, which can explain why arranged introductions remain popular. In some cases, modern matchmaking services follow a similar concept. While reading about different approaches to relationships, I came across Princess Date Matchmaking, and their website focuses on introducing people who are seeking serious, long-term relationships rather than casual dating. The underlying idea is still that the individuals involved make the final choice.

The couple mentioned by the original poster seem to be a good example of an arrangement that worked because both people were comfortable with it and felt it was the right match. Ultimately, whether a marriage begins through family introductions, matchmaking, or meeting independently, the qualities that matter most are mutual respect, compatibility, and a genuine commitment to building a life together.

I imagine an arranged marriage can work - forced marriage however is a very different kettle of fish !!!

Very old thread . Many on here dead.

Stansgran you are a cheerful soul! Made me smile and I am grumpy!

We have an Iranian family living near us and the older husband and wife had an arranged marriage but were at pains to explain that the wife was introduced to several eligible young suitors who she promptly turned down before taking a shine to her husband. Is arranged for the young men as well as the women. Their grown up children were also introduced to several young men, one married one of them and seems very happy, the other married an Iranian man she met at uni, but protocols had to be observed and the man’s family came to visit with their son.
They say is a marriage of two families.
I am not opposed to this, but forced marriages are an abomination. As is the marrying of a daughter to her rapist so that the family don’t lose face.

It isn’t just girls who are forced into marriage. I once had a client, a young man in his early twenties who had gone with his brother and parents to visit family in India to attend a wedding, However, when they arrived he and his brother found that the weddings were actually to be theirs! Neither had ever met the girls they were supposed to marry before. The brother accepted his fate but my client ran away back to England. Unfortunately his family took it badly and disowned him, sacked him from the family business and then told lies about his income to HMRC. He came to us in a very bad state but fortunately we were able to put him in touch with a charity who were able to help him.
Like others have said, if the participants are adults who are happy to go ahead with an arranged marriage and are given choices, who is to say it it wrong. But where very young people are forced into marriages it is abuse. In addition, very often the bride and groom are close relatives which sometimes results in children with disabilities.

they are called assisted marriages now aren't they? lots of time and meetings over years, girls afforded an education
times have changed thankfully

forced is a different issue

A friend of mine who arranged her son's marriage explained to me that there isn't the choice in non-arranged marriages as we might think.

We choose our partners from people we know, and that usually means that they live nearby, share similar interests, maybe work with us. It's quite unusual to pair up with someone very different - usually they have similar education and background - not always of course, but it's more common than not.

The partners that my friend chose for her son were similarly matched. They took into account religious sensitivities too, but on the whole it was about looking for someone who would fit into her family, and knowing that her son would fit in with his wife's family.

Stansgran

Very old thread . Many on here dead.

Oh!
Got caught out again. Is ok my posts are generally given the swerve so I doubt anyone will notice 🧐

Well, I can only say I’m glad my mother didn’t have the arrangement of my marriage! After I finished with a former long-term boyfriend at only about 19, she was forever lamenting, and telling me I’d never find anyone else as nice again!

Dh and I will have been married for 52 years on the coming 1st of June. ❤️

We choose our partners from people we know
Not necessarily at all I bumped into mine coming out the PO didn’t know him from Adam and we were of totally different cultures but we clicked (well we did for 12 years)
Don’t think any of my boyfriends were from my area or known to me or family Doodledog

I knew someone would say that, which is why I said ‘not always, of course’

Don't most people meet on-line these days?

A few probably meet at school or uni, or work.

My DS was introduced to his DW by uni friends who set up a blind date for them.
They've just celebrated 21 years married and 2 DC.